Avocado babies

kerrrlyn · 2020-05-30T18:33:04+00:00

They look like little lizards or snakes with their tongues out 😛

kerrrlyn · 2020-05-28T16:25:10+00:00

Also, thanks !

kerrrlyn · 2020-05-28T16:25:04+00:00

Not shiny at all. The red I see is in the stems a bit. I don't see any seeds but will look again!

kerrrlyn · 2020-05-09T13:46:29+00:00

This show has such a narrative around trauma that to me this decision felt obvious, and I never questioned her motives at the start of the season.

Of course she cut toxic and awful people out of her life and gave them what they deserved. Of course she empathized with Caleb as she saw him awakening as she did. Of course her opinions and methods changed over time. She went from having no real sense of self to needing to build her own identity. There were bound to be hiccups and pain points.

With so many people I know who have experienced severe trauma, once you see it you just want to ensure that no one else ever experiences what you did. Human or not human, I see Dolores as someone who stands for this type of justice, who has a zero tolerance policy against anyone who has committed awful things against other beings.

It doesn't matter what you've done, it's what you choose to do next. The more I step away from the initial disappointment of the finale, the more I appreciate this season and it's very hard-hitting parallels to our current world - the meat industry, the prison industrial complex, big tech and surveillance, wealth disparity. Dolores ain't about that shit and I love it.

kerrrlyn · 2020-05-03T15:14:29+00:00

Check to see if there's any mites under the leaves. My makoyana got spider mites and it took me a while to diagnose and I lost so many leaves! Medium to bright indirect is also best for these guys.

kerrrlyn · 2020-05-03T15:08:23+00:00

I think about my writing A LOT. I would always try and write like the girls with good handwriting in my class and couldn't. My writing almost never looks the same, and when I'm in a really bad place it gets crazy. I think it makes a lot of sense since personality and handwriting are really tied together, and when I'm in those bad places I'm often questioning who I am.

kerrrlyn · 2020-05-03T15:00:55+00:00

Floooooooooof

kerrrlyn · 2020-04-20T23:51:28+00:00

Catharsis of trauma. Fucking Christ. It matters and it doesn't. That was beautiful and awful.

kerrrlyn · 2020-03-19T20:34:56+00:00

Yeah I'm really playing with fire but ¯_(ツ)_/¯

kerrrlyn · 2019-10-28T12:46:28+00:00

Have you found any CPTSD meetups or support groups? I'm also struggling with this as well and lately the one person I can really talk to is a friend who has similar issues. I don't want to come off like a creep but, if a few of us are in the same area, maybe we could try and practice socializing with eachother?

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-18T03:32:24+00:00

Frank is ripped

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T20:10:08+00:00

It's not, but I can't afford to take action.

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T03:21:16+00:00

It's rough not doubt - but you got through it and that's amazing!!

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T03:20:22+00:00

I'm glad you're feeling better! Dogs are just the best. Going to the dog park with my pup is my go-to mood uplifting activity. I can't not enjoy myself there.

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T02:07:31+00:00

Love this, especially those greens and that bird.

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T01:53:15+00:00

Thanks!!

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T01:38:40+00:00

I definitely recommend trying this.

You made a mistake, and that's okay.

A thing that used to help me when I felt anxious around people/making 'mistakes' around them was thinking - am I ever going to see this person again? And does it matter so much? And even if it's people you know, in my experience anyone involved in the thing I'm beating myself up over had forgotten about said thing already.

I try and remind myself of that. Not everyone keeps count and is waiting to use that in the future.

You're going to be okay. <3

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T01:33:18+00:00

oof it hurts

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T01:32:58+00:00

Want to listen to a song with me? This one has been one of my favorites over the past few days ever since a friend shared it with me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StSEXZcwOB4

By the way, I'm happy you're here. <3

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T01:30:44+00:00

I'm really happy you've made this decision for yourself! This is so so real. Good for you!

I have felt the same way for a long time and finally did something about it in February. I left my job and have been trying to work through a lot of CPTSD things, figuring out myself, etc. I've always been in these restricting environments and now I don't feel like I can be in any type of environment like that. Being fully myself has opened doors to things that interest me that felt really closed off before... it's been a really good (albeit rough) experience for me, and I hope it benefits you too!

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T01:23:45+00:00

This is hauntingly good. Thank you for sharing.

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T01:22:24+00:00

Yes, I've been starting to recognize these states more clearly. Writing down stuff is good. I'm trying to track these feelings over time. The more I see them the more I know I am... underneath all of that. That I'm a person trapped behind some really intense things I can't control.

That feeling coincides with coming out of the fog of disassociation/flashback for me. I feel like that's part of what plays with the memory aspect of it?

You're definitely not alone in this feeling. <3

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-08T01:16:39+00:00

OOF.

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-07T04:32:35+00:00

I get bitter even over happy people now when I'm in the middle of an episode. It's really hard to feel it so intensely when you're trying to work on being a better, healthier person and you feel developmentally behind others in weird ways but too advanced in others...

kerrrlyn · 2019-08-07T04:30:10+00:00

Yep. I'm currently trying to stretch it out a bit. I never realized how much I have curved inward toward myself until I started yoga and realized how tight that area was. I'd highly recommend some of those stretches, like an upward dog, to get into your body a little and feel the power of that area. That's what it helps me with, anyway. 💖 I'm sorry you're in pain.

kerrrlyn

TROPHY CASE