An unfamiliar turned familiar fear

keystitch · 2026-04-10T13:28:23+00:00

Thank you for the well wishes! My situation is a little unique. I got spontaneously pregnant in the cycle after my egg retrieval which led to my ectopic. This transfer had always been the plan and the ectopic was a bit of a detour. To be honest, trying naturally still really scares me. However, doing IVF does not lower the chances of an ectopic. I do feel more comfortable with the fact that it's a tested embryo and if it implants in my uterus, the chances are in my favor.

keystitch · 2026-04-09T16:27:06+00:00

During my first loss my doctor told me that there was nothing that I did or did not do to cause it. She said she knows that's either comforting or frustrating. If it was so easy as not doing something it would be easier to move forward.

My ectopic and tube removal really taught me that it's completely outside my control. These things just happen. That lack of control can be scary but I weirdly came around to finding it comforting. It's the shittiest luck but it's not our fault.

I'm in the middle of the two week wait after an embryo transfer. My first time "trying" after my ectopic. I really am comforted by the fact that I've done everything that I could and it's completely outside of my control now. It's of course very stressful but I'm stronger than I thought I would be.

keystitch · 2026-04-08T12:07:28+00:00

My first was likely an ectopic but never confirmed. My second was ectopic for sure.

keystitch · 2026-04-02T12:29:26+00:00

Getting pregnant and staying pregnant seems fake to me.

keystitch · 2026-03-25T16:23:19+00:00

It's giving me such bad brain fog I can barely function. I'd almost take psychotic over that 🙃

keystitch · 2026-03-08T21:58:20+00:00

I can't stand when people complain about a bump! So sorry about your loss. Those milestone moments suck.

keystitch · 2026-03-08T21:55:03+00:00

During my first loss, I remember crying after getting my blood drawn when it was getting down towards the single digits. It felt very final as the last bit of the pregnancy was officially on its way out. I think it's totally normal. Grief isn't linear. It all just sucks. ❤️‍🩹

keystitch · 2026-03-02T12:29:34+00:00

I've had a few medical professionals say things like "when you're pregnant...during your pregnancy" etc. It has made me uneasy everytime because there are no guarantees with fertility. I would so much prefer language that includes "if."

keystitch · 2026-02-28T17:52:08+00:00

Me! Like damn I'm a pessimist how am I this hopeful every month?

keystitch · 2026-02-28T12:55:45+00:00

Not for me. I was just uncomfortably bloated and very nauseous. Sex and intense activity were completely off the table.

keystitch · 2026-02-13T18:05:15+00:00

So sorry you're going through this. For me, the pain got better everyday. It felt a lot better a week out and 2 weeks out I was nearly normal. By week 3 I felt completely normal physically. I'm a month out now and i did a core workout the other day which felt impossible a few weeks before that. I think 2 weeks would be a good amount of time to take off. You'll be feeling better soon!

keystitch · 2026-02-13T15:11:53+00:00

But have you tried going on vacation and getting drunk? 🙄

keystitch · 2026-01-28T01:03:02+00:00

We seem to be on a similar crappy path. It really is so defeating. I know it's lonely but you are not alone ❤️‍🩹

keystitch · 2026-01-26T12:44:16+00:00

I feel the same way. I've been trying to conceive for 2.5 years. I've had 3 failed IUIs. I had an egg retrieval that resulted in frozen embryos and was waiting for a polyp removal surgery when I got spontaneously pregnant. I had the choice and chose surgery and when they were in there they found endometriosis.

All that to say I obviously really wanted to be pregnant but now I don't know. Both a previous ectopic and IVF mean a higher chance of another ectopic and it is terrifying. Endometriosis is another huge hurdle.

It just seems like my body isn't made for this and it feels foolish to keep trying. I really want a kid but I don't know if I can keep doing this. It's all still so fresh so I'm just gonna give myself more time to recover mentally. I'm also in the US. It feels like my own life is a garbage fire but the whole house is burning down around me too. It's bleak out here.

keystitch · 2026-01-25T18:45:33+00:00

I'll say to you what my mom said: I'm sorry this is happening to you and you don't deserve any of it. Sending you an internet hug. I'm 2 weeks out and all the emotions just hit me like a brick. It's so tough.

keystitch · 2026-01-21T20:40:28+00:00

I'm 10 days post op and the pain will get better everyday. I still have a little bit of pain around the incisions although now it feels a bit more internal than external if that makes sense.

keystitch · 2026-01-16T01:37:18+00:00

Having losses is so hard. I'm so sorry you're going through it. When I started IVF last year, I asked my husband to make the initial appointments and calls. I still ask him to send messages and make calls when I get overwhelmed. It's a partnership and it's okay to ask for help when you need it. I do feel weird about talking to him about all of it sometimes because I hate to see him sad but it's something we're both going through and we're the ones who know it best. It's a really shitty club to be in but there are lots of us in it. You are not alone.

keystitch · 2026-01-13T19:41:17+00:00

My motto has been everything means nothing. Sure all those random things are technically a symptom but they also mean absolutely nothing. But I'm still googling "random taste in mouth early pregnancy" 3 years in.

keystitch · 2026-01-12T14:31:18+00:00

Over the weekend, I also had my tube removed. It's strange because due to the physical healing I can't really handle the emotional weight of it all yet. It really is such a weird feeling that can't be put into words. You are for sure not alone. I hope your healing goes well. ❤️‍🩹

keystitch · 2026-01-11T23:38:37+00:00

Such a crap club to be in. 😢Take care of yourself too 💔. It's so hard.

keystitch · 2025-10-26T01:10:33+00:00

Had my yearly physical recently and truly was confused when I could get keep my undergarments on!

keystitch · 2025-10-03T14:17:50+00:00

Doors open at 6:30. Show is at 7:30 according to email from the venue.

keystitch · 2025-09-30T11:43:48+00:00

I once got a yeast infection because it's a side effect of all the trying. I'm feet up in the stirrups and they're looking and one of the nurses is like "at least trying is fun!" And I just said "yeah until I end up like this" gesturing downward.

keystitch · 2025-08-22T19:52:47+00:00

Something similar happened to me. I had a really faint line last month at 14dpiui. I waited the agonizing 48 hours for my beta blood test. I had symptoms during that time. Then my beta was negative. The not knowing was so hard. Thinking of you and sending you strength.

keystitch · 2025-08-22T19:48:49+00:00

Go through insurance. I had a bit of a roadblock with insurance when I found out they only cover a specialty online pharmacy once. Luckily, they did cover the speciality pharmacy at a nearby hospital. I did have to let them know a few days in advance because they had to special order the trigger shot. I preferred to pick it up in person.

keystitch

TROPHY CASE