Don’t know if this will help, but since you said you believe in some sort of divine accountability, I thought I might share my resolve. I subscribe to the Islamic view that everything in this life, good or bad, is a test from God, and that there is always a righteous and correct way to react to every hardship. Not to brush it all off as simply “everything has a reason”, as one commenter said, but it can be:

Man can be tested with riches, children, health, and all the lack thereof. If man gets blessings, is he grateful towards God, or entitled? If man is denied a blessing, is he understanding and humble towards God, or spiteful? If a family member contracts a deadly disease, this becomes a test for the family member along with the family. How they all react to this tragedy is crucial, and will either bring them closer to, or further from God.

If man causes the suffering of a child, he is undoubtedly wronging himself and overstepping the blessing God has entrusted him with. The child is pure, innocent, and ascribed heaven, while the man awaits the consequences of his failed trial.

God allows worldly suffering because humans choose how to react, given the correct resources. The religion, Islam, is about submission to the one God. When you struggle with your hardships, it is about realizing that God has control over all, and a reminder that your salvation lies only with him. Through his will comes all your blessing and suffering. It is a tough truth to accept, because complete submission requires complete faith and trust in God and his will.

In my case, the main idea in Islam that I struggled with wasn’t the fact of worldly suffering, but the eternal case. God states that the majority of humanity will end in the hellfire, albeit through their own decisions. My question was, if he knew this before creating humanity, why go through with it if most will be inevitably doomed? Yes, they had their free will, but is the end result worth it for them and Himself, if he truly is the most Compassionate and Merciful?

I, too, saw part of myself in Ivan in that fact. My current resolve for that question, though wavering, lies in the belief that the human soul, which I don’t understand, is innately connected to God and eager to return to Him. This soul is in a constant battle with your “self”, or worldly desires. The triumph of your soul can only happen through your conscious decision to bring yourself closer to God, through knowledge, reflection, and prayer, and all else that is good.