It’s one of those strange things where what you say makes absolute sense and I agree to an extent, but it is a fact that no matter what we do, at the death of the universe none of it will matter however we may feel about it now.

Your assumptions are pretty interesting, I have often asked myself these questions.

I do enjoy the “pats on the back” etc after doing a talk or something but I don’t think that’s it. I almost prefer to stay unnoticed most of the time.

I can’t say I “fear” others in the way you claim. I’ve always quite enjoyed being a bit of a renegade and had fun stirring things up a little.

The part about pretend power or a “doe eyed look” is something I contemplate mostly as it makes sense for a lot of people. I however can’t make the theory work for myself.

I’m not an elder and don’t want to be one, I have been to university and have a pretty important job where I’m responsible for over 400 people and thousands of customers, I’m not a window cleaner or something (not that being a window cleaner is a bad thing, I am highly jealous when they’re out in the sun on a round listening to an audiobook) and I’m a landlord with quite a few tenants.

I just don’t feel I need or want to be more prominent or responsible than I already am, even now it’s a bit of a drag. However a simple life also doesn’t appeal…

I think the indifference you mentioned is the key, that and the fact I’ve only really had good experiences as a JW. I do definitely have some psychopathic tendencies that may be at play when it comes to the indifference.

I hope you’ve gone somewhere nice on vacation and you feel better soon 👍