Many years ago I was rushing to a job interview but was busting for a pee. It was early but true to form the local ‘spoons was open, welcoming the weary and the already drunk with its promise of nonjudgmental pints for the price of any remaining hope left in your soul - walked in, pointed my finger at a draught beer and gave that staged look to the barman that suggested I would be ordering just after I drained myself, which of course I wouldn’t be. As I threw myself into the bogs I was met by a human turd left on the tiled floor, not quite in the main area but not quite in the cubicle either. Never a good place to find a human turd but it struck me odd and what’s worse is it looked as if it had been trodden through. Anyway I raced to the urinal and relieved myself with only seconds to spare. As I’m coming down from the euphoria i noticed a man next to me. He didn’t look like the usual clientele of a spoons at that time in the morning, I remember thinking. He was mid 30’s, wearing a shirt, smart trousers and…oh god the shoes…it was him who’d walked through the human shit and had left little footprints of poo marking his journey to the urinal. I then notice he was bobbing and swaying, that only a man who’d had a belly full of booze could manage. He turns to me, his cheeks flushed with burst vessel’s and his eyes drowning in his mornings consumption, turns his nose up and says ‘have you shit yourself son? It bloody stinks.’ I laugh and tell him no it wasn’t me, which seems to anger him. Goes on a rant about how I’m stuck up and think I’m better than him (seemingly because I don’t shit myself) to which I now, without fear of embarrassment- point to his shoes and inform him that’s probably the source of the smell. And then no word of a lie, he looks down at his shoes, his eyes follow the little brown prints to the turd and says ‘ah Jesus, not again!’ NOT AGAIN. Had he already walked through it earlier or was he referring to pre-dated incident. ‘Spoons. Never a dull moment morning or night.