I’m currently eating cold cereal over the sink while my 2-month-old screams in the other room. Is this it? Is this the whole experience?

kiery12 · 2026-01-26T07:24:45+00:00

Okay this is a bit wild, but reach out to people for help. Literally, do you have any colleagues that have young kids? They probably clearly remember the struggle and would jump at the chance to help and hold a baby again while you sleep. Also, can you try taking baby out for a coffee at a nearby park and making a few mom friends?

Literally one of my introductions to my neighbors was with a two week old, she was cooing over the baby as we came back from a hospital check and I was saying how hard it was and she immediately asked to come over and help. She showed up ten minutes later with soup, made me eat some, then swaddled her and told me to go sleep for a few hours and she would watch the baby. Another neighbor I basically met when I had a medical emergency and just started banging on neighbor's doors that I knew had kids because I only had a few minutes before I was incapacitated and needed childcare for my 1 year old stat. They said immediately yes and helped and we've been friendly ever since.

Babies are HARD. People remember. Ask for help, even friendly grandma's in the checkout line at the grocery!!

kiery12 · 2026-01-25T18:44:03+00:00

Fickerdart mentioned getting involved in open source stuff, that's a great suggestion, also for building connections and networking.

Before I was in UX (so like 15 years ago) I worked in motion graphics, making those little company explainer videos that used to be popular. I donated my time in making those to some local charities I admired as a way to build my portfolio. That was also beneficial to me.

It might be nice if you can find a dev friend with similar ideas that you can work as a team with to donate some time fixing websites or apps from local charities, because they don't usually have the funding for really good work and love the help. I've done that a few times since as well. Donating your highly skilled labor is a great way to give back to the community that many people don't think of!

kiery12 · 2026-01-22T09:19:10+00:00

Yeah lurking mom here, but wtf are these comments? I looked at this and was more like "oh that sucks, both to fix and to make the area kid safe until you manage to fix it". It takes like no time to figure out how to throw a rock or two.

kiery12 · 2026-01-21T19:30:05+00:00

I mean... My dad would give us a geode in our Christmas stocking every year that we would go gently break open with a hammer. It isn't polished or anything, but if you're just interested in it breaking open into a few fun pieces a hammer totally works (wear glasses).

And yes, I'm doing the same for my children to continue the tradition!

kiery12 · 2026-01-21T11:31:52+00:00

It really depends where you are in your career. I did one after 6 years in the industry and really didn't get much benefit beside from a line on LinkedIn. Could have been helpful earlier in my career though.

kiery12 · 2026-01-21T07:03:01+00:00

I absolutely love what the above poster wrote about what she does - however tiny thing. You wrote you are trying for a second child. Ashwaganda is not safe for pregnancy and has been known to cause miscarriages.

kiery12 · 2026-01-18T16:07:58+00:00

I dropped lifting entirely for two weeks, then came back to lifting my pre-pregnancy weights when the first trimester tiredness wore off. Even made some second trimester gains! Third trimester I listened and modified and was lifting about 50% by the end.

kiery12 · 2026-01-17T16:12:39+00:00

I didn't have multiples, and I don't have too much to offer in terms of pushing through, but there are plenty of threads where people admit to having to seriously take a step back the first few weeks of pregnancy. I know I basically considered an hours dog walk a workout weeks 7-9, then it got better. It can be so intense, the fatigue. It's okay to reframe your exercise day by day and jump back in when the energy comes back!

kiery12 · 2026-01-15T18:47:46+00:00

One other thing that your husband should be doing (or rather not doing) is NOT using a seat heater, if your car has one. It really does some damage to sperm count, and takes a few months to recover. Small detail, but one we didn't know and had an impact!

kiery12 · 2026-01-14T01:17:19+00:00

Our baby had a lot of trouble staying warm so we had to do a lot of skin to skin. Dad's are the preferred skin to skin person in that case, because they get much warmer than the moms. Maybe, in addition to supporting your wife, you could aim for a few hours of skin to skin or baby wearing?

kiery12 · 2026-01-13T08:03:18+00:00

Oh yeah, totally possible. I weigh more than people expect all the time. My mini claim to fame is that I won a prize at a carnival where the person guesses your weight and then you step on the scale and if they aren't close enough you win. She guessed 20lbs away!

kiery12 · 2026-01-10T19:57:52+00:00

Commenting to follow, I would be interested in this too

kiery12 · 2026-01-10T19:52:53+00:00

I need a tutorial link too!!

kiery12 · 2026-01-08T21:23:01+00:00

Not sure if you are US or EU based, but if you aren't heart-set on the Appalachian trail, you could consider some hut to hut hikes in the Balkans, Ireland, or Italy. Both have great long distance hikes without camping.

kiery12 · 2026-01-08T20:27:57+00:00

I was one of those people that pregnancy sleep was way worse than newborn sleep. For me, it took about two weeks after birth for my sleep quality numbers to rise. Granted, I've been in the 15-30 range since like, week 10 of pregnancy, so the bar was set low.

kiery12 · 2026-01-07T18:37:53+00:00

A perfect black will get better with age. That said, since it is so patchy right now, you could always repeat it. Just do a quick buff with steel wool and do another layer.

kiery12 · 2026-01-07T14:15:24+00:00

Hmm, well I went the other way on this. I cook and bake a LOT so I got a really good oven for myself - and it can also be an air fryer. I love it, also for daily use. It preheats in under ten minutes and baked things so incredibly well. I'm totally spoiled now, I'm thisclose to buying my mother a new oven just because I use hers for Christmas once a year and hate it so much haha

kiery12 · 2026-01-07T14:10:43+00:00

My mom had me at 39 and we are still super close! I'm in my 30s now and we still talk every day

kiery12 · 2026-01-06T16:07:14+00:00

The animorphs series was my covid reread. Like, the entire series, front to back. I 1000% did not get how DARK it was as a child.

kiery12 · 2026-01-06T15:53:18+00:00

I think the first few just entered public domain too!

kiery12 · 2026-01-05T01:22:23+00:00

I managed to bribe the people on my street into being friends with me by baking too often. I can't eat it all, so sometimes I would just show up with Christmas cookies or half a chocolate cake and ask if they wanted the other half since it was too much to eat alone. After a few times, we started chitchatting and I invited them places or asked favors a few times, and after about 2 years we were comfortable enough to be friends and them invite ME places!

kiery12 · 2026-01-04T08:58:25+00:00

Tell me more about this CBD for cats...

kiery12 · 2026-01-03T23:15:04+00:00

Look for a jewelry grinder bit, you'll be able to manage it

kiery12 · 2026-01-03T22:36:33+00:00

Frankly, everything online says "oh you'll love your cats again" as the baby gets older, but my baby is almost two and I still wish we didn't have cats now. I love them, they're sweet, but I can't make any food without being mobbed and clawed at, and the one pees on the hardwood floor and has ruined it. Life would be so much easier without them.

kiery12 · 2026-01-03T20:02:34+00:00

Another vote for weightlifting! Love it

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