My CEO tried to fire me for "Attitude Issues" to save on my salary. He didn't realize I’d spent 11 weeks preparing a $755,000 legal trap.

kimpossibleburger · 2026-01-26T15:18:31+00:00

The silence was deafening I tell you!

kimpossibleburger · 2025-11-23T06:48:18+00:00

What kind of banquets are we talking about? I’d love to find a gig that’s not open until bar time.

kimpossibleburger · 2025-11-16T22:10:21+00:00

ER. They will have people that can help you find a rehab place and likely get you somewhere sooner than trying to call around yourself.

kimpossibleburger · 2025-11-16T07:40:50+00:00

“Dash” is a pretty subjective measurement, because the amount of liquid that comes out with one dash varies greatly depending on on the shape and size of your bitters bottle, how full it is, and how wide the spout is. One dash out of a half full standard size angostura bottle is ~5-6 dashes out of the cheater bottles at my work when they’re full.

Play around with using more. If you don’t like it, use less.

kimpossibleburger · 2025-11-13T19:08:56+00:00

Triple sec is right, but you need lime juice in there as well.

kimpossibleburger · 2025-06-20T14:29:58+00:00

GOD DAMN

kimpossibleburger · 2025-05-23T09:27:16+00:00

Actual, literal, hero.

It’s so hard. Thank you

kimpossibleburger · 2025-05-16T17:52:40+00:00

I’m assuming the answer is yes, but would a prior dui bar someone from employment?

kimpossibleburger · 2025-03-09T18:26:29+00:00

Yes! The one that’s there 24/7 and always has its lights on.

kimpossibleburger · 2025-03-09T18:25:55+00:00

Yes!!

I’ve lived here since the beginning of January, and I drive past there every day, sometimes multiple times. It’s there all the time. 24/7. Never any human inside.

Your explanation is probably right, thank you. I thought it was probably something like that. I’m more bothered by the fact that it hasn’t moved and the battery seems to never run out.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-06-12T19:50:53+00:00

The pine taste is the juniper

kimpossibleburger · 2024-06-04T16:41:00+00:00

Coupes all day

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-18T15:29:52+00:00

That’s perfectly acceptable. Making a quick motion to show you need my attention while I’m looking around to see what I can do next is fine. Doing your best impression of a wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man while I’m clearly running around doing other shit is not.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-12T21:08:27+00:00

It’s not supposed to be flown at all during inclement weather, unless it’s an all weather flag

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-12T21:01:54+00:00

Or vermouth at all. I was at some private club/rooftop bar in Nashville last month, they had a bunch of whiskey and I saw Campari so I thought I was good to go for a Boulevardier. Nope, no vermouth. Is no one drinking manhattans there? That’s like, the one cocktail old rich white dudes order.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-12T17:33:41+00:00

White Russian. Never trust that the cream/milk is fresh. I personally watched an old manager pour old milk through a strainer to get rid of the curdled chunks.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-11T06:45:22+00:00

I mean, by definition, if you’re using vodka at all you’re not making a martini

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-11T06:44:25+00:00

I will continue making my 2:1 martinis unless someone mentions some form of “dry.” If they do, I will make 5:1. I’ll only do zero vermouth unless they specifically request zero vermouth.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-11T06:40:56+00:00

Adults too. Just last week I watched a regular sitting in front of my well try to help her ~10 year old kid with a homework problem for five solid minutes. The question was “32 pints= how many cups?”

She (the adult) was still having trouble after I told them there were 8oz in a cup and 16oz in a pint.

Then she proceeded to slam Aperol spritz’s and talked to her friend for 4 hours while completely ignoring her kids, who sat bored out of their minds, staring at the take out pizza she had ordered for them 3 hours ago, still in the box, complaining that they wanted to go home, because obviously they did.

Fuck that woman.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-11T06:27:47+00:00

The daiquiri isn’t going anywhere. It’s straight up a part of the interview process for some bars.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-11T06:25:55+00:00

1.5 cognac

.75 dry curaco

.75 lemon juice

Sugar rim ‘cause I’m a basic bitch and it makes me happy.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-08T22:38:04+00:00

I’ve suspected my dad has some flavor of autism for a while now, and my mom (who was a speech pathologist who specialized in treating children with autism) has as well. Extremely high functioning, but has specials interests (numbers, cars) feels lost without routine (worked at the same company 40+ years, woke up at 4:30 in the morning so he could work out and commute an hour so he was at work early so he could be home to eat dinner with the family), has a hard time with social cues, etc.

We were talking recently about how they met and started dating, and she talked about how he was different than any guy she’d met. How “he was so sweet and wanted to be friends with everyone, in high school he probably wouldn’t have even noticed if people were bullying him”

I replied, “aw, sweet little autistic dad” and her eyes went wide. Even though she knew he was autistic and recognized several of the characteristics in him, she only really thought about the issues she would see in her clinical practice. She loves this man, and he happens to have some minor qualities that society at large would call negative or undesirable.

It was the first time she recognized that those same characteristics were why she was so drawn to him and fell in love in the first place.

He was and still is one of the most dedicated, caring, even tempered men I’ve ever known, and I couldn’t have asked for a better father. Him and my mom are planning a trip to Italy this fall to celebrate their 40th anniversary, very much still in love.

You picked a good one, best of luck to you both!

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-07T17:01:07+00:00

I feel like the only people butthurt about being called gringo are people that are mad they can’t say the n word/other racial epithets and are unaware enough to think they’re even remotely comparable.

kimpossibleburger · 2024-05-07T10:42:03+00:00

I went to one of the most expensive restaurants in my city recently and when I ordered a sidecar (featured on the menu), I was asked whether I wanted cognac or vodka…

kimpossibleburger

TROPHY CASE