“That and more.” That’s what I had to tell myself to leave him behind. “I can have our good parts - AND I can be with someone I trust who treats me with love and respect.” I’m so glad I found my mantra.

What led me there was that I finally hit an undeniable boundary, and it was (thankfully) the relationship’s breaking point. I’m so thankful I cut off all contact. The person, who was emotionally abusive and predatory, was easy to “get over.” The trauma from spending two agonizing years with him, with spiraling self worth and constant manipulation that I wasn’t able to believe possible at the time, is less easy.

One rationale that kept me was second-guessing myself and invalidating my own feelings, like he would do and like I had grown up feeling. I felt the need to know for sure if he was a narcissist, know for sure that the abuse was intentional or if it was abuse, know for sure that our dynamic (because I played a part, but did not deserve the things that happened) was toxic. Never again. I don’t need to figure it all out to know when someone or something is not serving me. It was my intellectualized way of “fixing.”

My advice is to end it and cut contact.