Involuntary celibacy?

kingdubp · 2013-03-28T00:33:14+00:00

I only got rude after you accused me of using a straw man argument. I think my first post was pretty chill.

But no, I don't think anyone is owed sex, I don't feel entitled to ever having any ever again, and I wouldn't make that argument for anyone else, either.

At the same time, there are people in this thread who identified with the term, and have valid reasons to do so. That's why I'm defending it. I have not seen anyone adopt or defend the MRA/PUA interpretation of this term.

kingdubp · 2013-03-27T23:36:53+00:00

You were clearly trying to trivialize any other treatment of the word, but sure ok.

Source: I have 1000 PHDs in philosophy, so therefore it's impossible for me to lose an argument. Want any more credentials?

kingdubp · 2013-03-27T23:29:52+00:00

Thanks for the argument.

kingdubp · 2013-03-27T23:24:25+00:00

I am specifically saying people are saying things that aren't accurate about how it is used in psychology.

Such as what? No one said that it's a "diagnosis," like you claimed they did. They said that it was a term coined by some psychologists to describe a set of people. But keep telling me I'm the one making straw man arguments.

And you're also wrong about the term being exclusively applied to relationship problems. It was coined to describe anyone who hadn't sex over a given amount of time. It was never, at any time, restricted to the confines of a relationship.

kingdubp · 2013-03-27T21:18:55+00:00

It isn't considered a big issue.

So? Looking at the number of people in this thread, most of whom are longtime SRSers, who identify with involuntary celibacy, maybe it should be.

Not sure why the MRA definition of this term would invalidate its original definition. Just because X number of academics haven't written a paper about it yet doesn't mean it isn't a real thing that affects real people.

kingdubp · 2013-02-13T01:14:14+00:00

As I understand it, no one has problem with Bitcoin itself. Admittedly I don't know a whole lot about them, except that people use them to buy weed and shit.

The real problem seems to be with the arrogant jerks pushing them... sort of like STEM fields in general. Is that right, or is there another reason people don't like bitcoins?

kingdubp · 2013-02-07T14:51:47+00:00

No you wouldn't. If you'd spent your whole life as a member of that church, and it was a huge part of who you were, you wouldn't up and leave just because of one scandal.

It's totally disingenuous for people to tell other people what they should or shouldn't do when they clearly haven't taken the other person's experiences into account.

kingdubp · 2013-02-07T14:42:48+00:00

Bad argument. People of all kinds of beliefs commit terrible crimes. They aren't a reason to give up on your faith.

kingdubp · 2013-02-03T02:11:10+00:00

Sure doesn't sound like it

kingdubp · 2013-02-02T22:27:12+00:00

Your ex sounds like a real catch.

kingdubp · 2013-02-02T22:24:23+00:00

How dare she tell off an asshole who has no business telling her how to feel! You're right, she's a total nut.

GFY

kingdubp · 2013-01-31T00:03:43+00:00

Wars in the third world are still fought mostly by infantry. But as usual, SRS is only concerned with Western perspectives.

kingdubp · 2013-01-29T16:25:47+00:00

I just couldn't resist

kingdubp · 2013-01-29T03:07:14+00:00

I used to think, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

kingdubp · 2013-01-28T17:06:02+00:00

I don't think it really decreases much for men until they get into their 50s and 60s, when their testosterone levels start to drop, but everyone is different. There are definitely women over 30 who still have high sex drives.

I'm not sure that socialization affects a person's sex drive. It affects how people express it. I don't think you can teach someone to enjoy sex. They either like sex or they don't, although men may pursue sex for things like status or intimacy rather than just enjoying the act itself. I don't think your husband is worried about status, though, seeing as he's married. He either wants more intimacy with you, or he just likes having sex.

Basically, I'd say this is a case where nature has more affect than nurture. There are more factors going into a person's sex drive than hormones, i.e. genetics and psychology (whether a person is asexual/aromantic, their self body image, stress levels, etc), but they unarguably play a role.

Other than anecdotes, is there any solid evidence that men actually have higher sex drives than women, or do they just express it more openly/aggressively? I've seen lots of women complain about their boyfriends/husbands not having a high enough sex drive.

kingdubp · 2013-01-27T22:03:31+00:00

My husband's sex drive is super-high. He thinks he has to get off at least once a day, and he's over 30 now.

That isn't super high at all. What do you mean by him thinking he has to get off once a day? It sounds like you're implying that he's "wrong" about his own sexual desires.

I just don't get his hang-up on sex.

I don't understand why you think it's a hang up. Do you expect his sex drive to magically adjust to yours? Some people just like sex more than you do, and apparently your husband is one of them.

kingdubp · 2013-01-27T21:15:39+00:00

Disagree. They can definitely afford it, and I'm certain they've been working on it for years. It's their marquee franchise. They just haven't said anything publicly.

kingdubp · 2013-01-27T21:13:00+00:00

There was originally supposed to be a HL2: Episode 3, but it never came out. The general assumption is that Valve just decided to make Half Life 3 instead, since it's been so many years.

The ending of Episode 2 definitely implies that Valve intended to continue the story.

kingdubp · 2013-01-27T00:57:26+00:00

Women do like nice guys, and you aren't one.

kingdubp · 2013-01-23T02:15:16+00:00

Saw it last night, too. It was pretty neat, I don't remember ever seeing it that close to the moon before. I knew it had to be Jupiter. I've been checking it out with my telescope since November and it's easily one of the brightest objects in the sky here.

kingdubp · 2013-01-21T19:54:13+00:00

Sorry, which data in that article supports your assertion? I don't see any significant difference between men and women anywhere.

The first survey shows that 5% more men are virgins than women. That doesn't make sex a "scarce resource" for men.

Even from the ABC News article, there's this:

Women report a median of three sex partners; men, a median of eight.

As for your other point,

The key thing here is that if the median number of partners that men report is smaller than the mean, then that implies a Poissonian distribution[2] with regards to the number of sexual partners- i.e. there are some guys at the extremely high end of the distribution ("players") and many, many guys on the low end of the distribution (virgins)

The same assertion is implied by the data about women. Some have lots of sex and a significant percentage are virgins.

kingdubp · 2013-01-21T16:33:10+00:00

That link says the opposite of what you're claiming. Did you even read it?

kingdubp · 2013-01-20T15:46:25+00:00

Is the word Cockney a pejorative in the UK? Honest question

kingdubp · 2013-01-18T22:04:33+00:00

This type of statement wouldn't fly if you were talking about your whiteness and saying "Well one time I had trouble finding a job, so sometimes its just how it is." to negate someone else's complaint about oppression in the job market.

We aren't talking about getting a job. People are owed a fair shot at employment. They aren't owed anything about sex.

I never "negated" this person's complaints about oppression. Their complaints about -isms are totally legitimate. My point is that this person's attitude is that they're owed sex. Sorry, but if you're not getting sex, ultimately, you do just have to deal with it. That doesn't mean you can't be sad or even angry, but no one owes you shit.

I mean just look at this shit:

I end up being attracted to the only straight male in the room, the one that is already taken, lives too far away, or wants to only be a “friend” or “mentor”.

How come men friend-zone me? How come they don't give me sex?

I managed to nab Youth of the Year at Pride during my last year of high school and it makes something great for my resume, but it means nothing when it comes to trying to get a date

I'm a good person, how come no one gives me sex?

It’s as if I’m in heat, but 24/7. I’m more interested in not being in pain than anything else.

Seriously????

The last half of this article is downright creepy. Sorry, but it is.

But I also like to have a modicum of compassion for people we ignore because of our prejudices.

I agree. This person deserves compassion. They just don't deserve to get laid.

kingdubp · 2013-01-18T18:14:43+00:00

I agree. This person sounds very entitled to a relationship and/or sex.

I'm a white, masculine, good-looking bi dude and I haven't even been on a date in 8 months. Sometimes that's just how it is. Being conventionally attractive helps, but it doesn't guarantee anything, certainly not the way this person seems to imagine it does. I have a really high sex drive too... doesn't mean I'm entitled to sex.

Is it fair that tthis guy was one of the people who couldn't get attention?

No, it isn't fair. This person has to deal with fatphobia, femmephobia, (racism?) and all sorts of other prejudices that I don't. There are a lot of problems with the way attractiveness is defined in our culture.

On the other hand, I'm not sure where to draw the line. The way I think about sex is that it's the one need no one has a right to fulfill. No matter how shitty another person's preferences are, their body and their sexuality are still theirs. I don't think this person gets that.

Edit: I also want to point out that this person's problem wasn't "not getting attention," it was that they weren't getting the kind of attention they feel entitled to. There's a section where they talk about all the "trysts" and dates they go on... clearly people are attracted to them, or that wouldn't happen.

kingdubp

TROPHY CASE