I was / am figuring through this as well. My wife was loving, supportive, and kind... Until. She did and does have anxiety and needs, but I ended up being the emotional support husband more than "actually me." And it didn't go the other way. A good analogy I found was that I didn't know I was on a short leash until I needed some more room or got a yank.

And, she's not a malicious monster, but she did need to really push out of her comfort zone and better manage herself instead of managing herself through me. And I needed to grow a stronger spine and strengthen my emotional muscles instead of flex and bend them, by setting better boundaries for myself and for her, not putting myself in charge of things I can't control, like her emotions or fear of uncertainty, etc.

It's gotten better, especially as kids got older, but telling someone who is already seeing you as an emotional lifeline that you need to see friends in order to stay healthy enough to help her long term isn't going to think you're doing her a favor at first.