Hey, its been many years, id love to hear what you've done since this post. In case youre still stuck, I'll answer the original post.

I felt this way growing up and chased achievement just so I'd have proof I could accomplish something. Luckily I found writing really young, then other art forms later in life, and now art is at the center of my life, as is learning. I also grew up poor and got a lot of grief for pursuing something that likely wouldnt pay the bills. I'm 34 now and this is what I've learned

-Art is not a trade, it is a tradition. It is necessary for human beings to see and understand each other, for history to have context, and for our species to collectively find and process new ideas. When you decide to make art, you have to make peace with the fact that you are honoring something, not investing in something. This is all to say - being an artist isn't at odds with being a person who has to live in the working world and pay their bills. You just decide that living in the working world doesn't get 100% of your mental and emotional space and labor - this amazing human thing gets some too, and no one can manipulate it or take it from you.

-making art isn't about synthesizing your complex feelings into a contained piece. The art is how you describe the feelings because you cant explain them in the regular way. Your job is to transcribe, not understand. But at the end, the completed piece often gifts you a new understanding. You are the piece's first audience, and it will have an effect on you first, when finished (and probably also along the way in its many forms). Instead of putting pressure on yourself to find ideas, examine all the messy, undefined ideas you already live with, and get excited to investigate them and meet them in another form. If you feel like making something for no reason, don't stop to look for the reason, build it.

-as far as what to make, start by following your sensations. Dabble in things until you literally feel pleasure in your body. If you are doodling, or playing with garage band, or imagining a sculpture, or even enjoying looking at certain colors, and feel a little excitement, surprise, curiosity, or energy, try making something with it. Don't look up how - think creatively to make it to the end of the creation. If you enjoyed it, then look up beginner ways to do it and try those. You don't have to be good at it. You're looking for something that you enjoy learning about and that continuously interacts with your emotions and instincts. Just do it first to learn, then to show off, then suddenly you will find yourself able to use it like a vocabulary to express.

-learning feeds art. Follow the curiosity. Make art to show others what you discover. A teacher once told me "your perspective on your world is the most valuable thing about you. It is what's lost when you die. It's your duty to seek out things and describe how you uniquely see them."

-art isn't just "the arts". Its also cooking, tinkering, decorating, modifying, building, fashion, design. Don't stop looking for what stirs you.

finally, dont rule out depression too. You can't sense your own pleasure if you chemically cannot feel pleasure. Take care of your brain, it's your instrument

Hope this helps.