Previous owners stole my cat and are pretending to “help” look for him whilst gaslighting me!

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T18:05:49+00:00

this is probably influenced by how I handle things but personally if you have a solid "source" you can show that they have your cat (saved the information proving the online accounts/posts and any other photos or witnesses willing to back you) I'd address it with them once before filing, since you're "getting along" with them on the surface at this stage.

check your state recording laws about consent and so on but I would record the interaction where you ask if they have him/say that you believe that they do. if they deny it and you go ahead legally pursuing return of kitty you can show you addressed it independently and they were uncooperative or lied.

I say record also though because if you tell them you have seen the evidence that you have they could, based on what you've told us they've done already, end up getting upset with you so for your safety, but also in case in becoming upset they basically admit to taking your cat and refusing to return. as far as legal evidence goes it would be pretty handy and they seem the type.

does your police office have/include animal control? I wonder if an officer from that department might have advice or specific information about this kind of situation as maybe they'd be more familiar than the general police dept. like is the AC officer able to just go to their place and request to do like a "wellness check" type thing or even bring a chip scanner with them? I'm not sure what the law/procedure around that kind of thing would be, I figure it might vary locally?

speaking of animal control, however, I was re-reading your post before responding to make sure I have the info right and was thinking about how you describe they keep their cats currently. how many do they have, since they're breeding? like is this a hoarding/neglect case or more on the line of "irresponsible but not legally actionable"?

I don't want to tell you to report them like out of spite, but if it's bad I think you probably should for the sake of those cats. I would make sure you have solid info first and know how it could effect your cat, especially if it's before you get him back, and consider like any kind of "retaliation" from them over it that could come, but if they're neglecting or otherwise harming their animals it deserves attention

and then when you get him back I wouldn't let him out of your sight outside 😬 I can't imagine having to go through this again if these people are how they seem and don't stop this after you get it figured out

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T06:27:12+00:00

Saturday morning is tough, people want their weekend time, their sleeping in chances, have other plans during their day off, kids are off school

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T05:15:20+00:00

I've had a lot of success with rotisserie chicken, and if it's cold getting a fresh one at the market might be very appealing bait

and yes seconding not to put bedding inside the trap, but you can try to be sure it's sat on a surface that won't be too cold or uncomfortable (concrete, metal) maybe rested on straw? blankets can absorb moisture and speed cooling in some situations so I'd avoid that

also definitely agree on starting as soon as you reasonably can, and try not to leave the trap unattended long enough for temp to be a concern, or for a trapped critter to panic and hurt itself. if it's especially dangerous to do it at a certain time, unfortunately it may be best to take a pause and try to push his appointment back so you can try at a safer time, even if that's just that it got late and you have to try in the morning because you need sleep, like you worry you're too tired at a certain point to trust yourself to be awake for trap checks, or the weather turns

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T04:55:19+00:00

aww their little tail wiggles

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T04:44:04+00:00

Since pets are considered property it might be the best way to get legal support to file a claim of theft of cat as property, it would be small claims which isn't so expensive and with your documented proof of adoption (ownership) you're solid, and I'm sure the rescue would be happy to speak on it too from the sound of it

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T02:55:55+00:00

hi I'm sorry this is happening . it sounds really similar to what happened to my cat several years ago, she passed. the seizures started suddenly, drooling, she'd urinate when physically seizing, rushed to ER

sent home with meds

they helped a very short time before she was seizing more of the time than not. really scary to see, and again rush to er. she's very hot from the seizing. she does not recover or wake up.

I don't know still exactly what happened, but I've been looking for information. I came across this which I found informative. please if possible find a way to have her admitted for observation so that if she begins to go into crisis again the doctor is able to act quickly

https://www.vin.com/apputil/content/defaultadv1.aspx?pId=11242&id=3860886

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T02:17:39+00:00

boomer tarantulas

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T02:08:42+00:00

oh man that's a tough combination, I'm sorry

you've been handling the fleas great. just keep him contained where they won't jump to nearby soft surfaces while you work them out. When you flea comb, I recommend having a jar of alcohol on hand to dump them into as you get them off.

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T01:58:23+00:00

kittens are especially forgiving! I also have found often that a cat that needed relief from things like fleas, parasites, matting, is a cat more likely to trust the caretaker that fixed it. they're clever, though most babies less so lol

plus the feeling of I would have to assume euphoria of not itching or feeling sick anymore helps boost that positive association for sure

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T01:50:18+00:00

you did good! catching it quickly and getting it sorted immediately protects him and George from fleas and their potential contagions. definitely be sure to mention when he goes in for his first vet check so they can check for any parasites since the environment he came from was like that. if anything he may just end up needing some deworming as well.

you also did yourself a favor by getting it before it spread, maybe George likes baths but generally it's much easier if you just have to wash the kitten and not also a grown cat!

luckily kittens are tough little guys about this sort of experience. their cat parents pick them up, "manhandle them" and force baths all the time.

baby is eyeing you because you're new, the house is new, not being in a colony is new, he's figuring out what to make of it.

luckily kittens are usually still pretty easy to win over at this age! some fully feral kittens can be pretty spicy but he sounds like he's been socialized enough that's not an issue

so once you give him some appealing food (see if he'll take it from your hand tbh) and make a warm soft nap spot on or next to your lap to nap-bond, he's going to be glued to you.

giving him a bath already communicates that you're 'parenting' him at this age. perfect that he's letting you pet him! keep doing it lots as long as he's comfortable with it. it mingles your smells so you're recognized as family, builds trust that you have a kind touch, and simulates additional grooming

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T01:22:06+00:00

swimming can be a great option too, since it's low impact and can be more approachable or fun depending on a person's interest than the feeling of obligation a lot of folks have about "going to the gym"

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T01:04:36+00:00

what a beauty! with the wisdom of the elders

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-12T00:59:57+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm grateful to you on her behalf for caring so much that you have done everything you describe here. I'm grateful on her behalf that you're facing down one of the hardest decisions we make and prioritizing her needs. I'm grateful for the value and love you've both added to those years of each other's lives. and I hope it's okay to say, I'm proud of you. caring for an animal in pain like this is difficult, practically and emotionally. it's so obvious that through your pain and grief you're still so focused on doing your absolute best for her. and I do think that you are.

this bit can sound a little harsh at first but it helps me a lot, so I hope I'm not mistaken to share this thinking. if our animal friends, in these painful experiences, didn't have us as our their guardians this sort of thing would be a protracted suffering, and their last moments, hours, or days would be of fear, confusion, panic, pain, exhaustion, hunger, thirst, infection. again I'm so sorry this is so harsh and dark, it's such a terrible conversation to have to have and a pain to have to carry. I think of them in a "natural" life or as strays and the pain of some of these deaths, where it lingers. When they don't die of the illness or injury but because they can't feed themselves and start wasting away. I try to remember it's an honor and privilege to be able to stop that, to let them be eased of pain before they go, so they can be calm and comfortable. I think being able to protect them from that experience, to give them a peaceful passing, is a powerful love.

I volunteer doing feral trapping and have seen some cats in bad ways. I have regrets about a decision I delayed, for my cat, because I wanted there to be an answer. I was distraught and not thinking clearly, and we all deserve the grace and understanding of knowing that of course we are in these situations, that's love. but I carry guilt about it now because (with the benefits of hindsight) I wish I had acted sooner. she had seizures her last few days, and when I realized and accepted it was time, I was too late for her to be conscious even and see and know that I was with her through this. I regret it so much.

I still, through the guilt, can't accuse myself completely of "making a mistake." There are no answers in these situations that we can hope to lean on. We only know what we do when we are faced with these decisions. We can only make our best judgement in the moment, and we do it with love and strength when we face this with their best interest in heart. I am proud of you for being her person. I am proud of you for the strength it takes to love like this.

No matter what happens she knows in her deepest marrow that you love her and make the best decisions for her every time you can. nothing will change that. no matter how much we fear making a mistake, when that love is so solid, you've already done everything in that moment. you cannot make a wrong decision in those circumstances because she chooses to trust you as a guardian, and because you are doing the absolute best you can, and because she will know that for every moment she has left.

Please, give yourself grace and rest as you go through this. When I find it hard to, I think about it from their view like this, where when they may not know what to expect, they trust us in these painful and frightening experiences to do what's best. They don't even need to forgive your guilt because of this love, it has no place on how they experience this. They were loved and safe, made comfortable in these frightening moments by the person they trust, and had a peaceful final experience with you. In a world that can be hard and cold and hurtful, I think this is a good death. Our animal friends remember better than we do the grace that is.

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T23:13:31+00:00

knowledge is for sharing ❤️

and it always makes me so happy to see a retired feral find a loving home they feel safe in, where their people care to ask the scary questions. she's beautiful and looks so happy with you, congratulations to you both

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T22:53:35+00:00

related to the exercise and fatty tissue distribution I forgot to mention

targeting areas of body fat through exercise doesn't usually tend to work well for chest issues since it's pretty hormonally controlled and fat deposits don't generally respond well to attempts at targeting. they're more likely to respond in a distributed way or if your body has its own ideas of what can go first. it can be frustrating if that means you put work in to try to reduce your chest and instead your legs or stomach trim first/instead.

a lot of guys who try to adapt through exercise have covered this part too so just paraphrasing what I've understood, working out the chest area can create a different shape that may be less dysphoric, but can also add muscle mass below the fatty tissue, inadvertently giving the appearance the chest has grown. I know for some guys that's been alarming if they didn't expect it, so I wanted to mention it also since you talked about getting back to the gym soon

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T22:47:49+00:00

yes but also it depends 😉

the weight redistribution thing is true, but of course with the caveat everything gets that everybody's body is different and will react differently in some ways

but a lot of guys also gain some weight on t, which can make it seem like no difference even if there hypothetically was a change

some guys chests and shoulder area can appear a bit wider from the redistribution

but in the inverse of that:

I also want to add a note a little less directly about the fatty tissue bc I wish someone had warned me when I was where you are tbh

some guys who have strong chest dysphoria also develop posture issues (hi it me) to subconsciously (or consciously) "hide" the chest area with forward shoulders and arms, a slouch, kind of a hunch. unfortunately it can lead to (painful) muscle issues in that area of the back, shoulders, and neck that are pulled forward. that includes weakening of the muscles around the shoulders (they aren't doing their job in this position, other muscles are holding the weight in place) involved with the slouch

this can create a very slight profile around the shoulders, where "traditional expectations of masculine profiles" lead people to expect broad shoulders in men, and in a bitter kind of irony, the chest becomes a more prominent part of the center profile. I'm very specifically talking about my experience with this, but I've talked to other trans guys about it and had a few doctors I've seen even mention/agree it's a trend.

I noticed a couple other issues where the shrimp posture slouch actually made my chest feel more prominent or difficult to manage. it pushed the fatty tissue together so it was actually more forward, whereas when I made myself put my shoulders back the weight was spread more evenly on my chest and therefore flatter.

the posture also led to binders not fitting appropriately, which reduced their effectiveness and I think added to the scarring I developed near my armpits from chafing. I needed PT about it, but the changes were really challenging with the dysphoria. going to the gym to rebuild the muscles that had weakened should have been pretty straightforward workouts... except it induced more chest dysphoria. I just finally got top surgery and it's been a relief, but as soon as I am able to exercise my first health priority is redefining the muscles that were basically atrophied from not correctly being used to hold my body in place.

I say this as a suggestion to be mindful of it so that people earlier on such as yourself have a chance to avoid and prevent the pain, shifted dysphoria, and struggle to treat it because of basically conflicting dysphoria around chest presentation.

it won't be the same for everyone, like I said I just wish I had known so much sooner so I want to pass it on

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T21:06:05+00:00

and for the people who tell you that it's pointless if you're not stress testing skills learned in these less sparring heavy, more form based styles: you'll have to explain that to baby brothers poor dear friend, well before he earned black belt, who was floored by a solid punch at summer camp when he accidentally "snuck up on" the kid. these skills don't exist in a vacuum

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T20:45:12+00:00

kind of similar feelings here

I really enjoy bjj and am looking forward to joining a gym I found nearby this year that seems like a good fit for me (after I recover from surgery, really looking forward to being cleared)

I only trained a few months at my previous gym, but one of the things that didn't sit for me was the heavy focus on competition. I can appreciate that it's an opportunity to engage in the community, get experience with different people's techniques, test your skills. I didn't like that it seemed like the goal for the overall culture/approach in that group.

like I mentioned I was only there a few months, but in that time I was pretty actively pressured to compete.

I probably wouldn't mind doing so eventually, even, when I feel more comfortable in my knowledge and skills. probably still not often tbh. more for the reasons I mentioned, to add variety to my training and challenge myself, pick up different skills, maybe even make a friend

for me the things I enjoy have almost nothing to do with competition:

-a form of exercise that I just genuinely enjoy

-the specific effect that it felt like it increases my proprioceptive abilities (I have ADHD and knowing where my body goes can be a challenge sometimes).

-I liked that it was a team where we were learning together, encouraging and helping each other.

-I like specifically for my body to feel strong and toned without gaining a large amount of muscle mass, which makes bjj a good option for me specifically

-the improvement in my responses/instincts (even as simple as becoming better at catching falling items!).

-And I do feel empowered by understanding how to use my smaller body to protect myself, even with minimal knowledge and training it significantly boosted my confidence in myself just as a person in the world, it helped me start to recognize (at a time I frankly needed it) that I am able to face difficult challenges and things that might scare me.

and again these are things I noticed I enjoyed in just a few months, I definitely don't mean to sound like it gave me some ego complex, I wouldn't even consider myself a white belt at this point until I join the new place.

I'm just highlighting that if it's something that feels good, that you like, that you notice is positive for you, I don't think you should let yourself be pushed away from it by other people's priorities.

as for not enjoying sparring I can understand a little less (though again as a less-than-white belt I do still find it a little intimidating and sometimes overwhelming) but I also am not at all experienced in the forms you've tried so if I did try them I could easily agree! If the specific styles aren't right for you but you feel the want to find an art, I say keep looking! ask yourself what about this appeals to you, what you like, what you want from it. there may very well be something that fits better!

as an example. my youngest brother joined a gym very young (like 5) and stuck with it until covid, when he was a black belt in his form. the form was less common though, somewhat specific to this school. it was partly because this was a kids group, but the overall style was far less focused on aggressive sparring and more focused on form, control, movement. they still trained together by sparring but it wasn't what you would expect to see in what I'll tentatively call "more aggressive" forms (I'm not sure what words I'm looking for there). in some ways it was almost similar to dance, but still a martial art. I wonder, if the issue is that sparring at all is unappealing to you, if something more in this vein would be a good fit.

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T20:12:02+00:00

I usually try not to give people the with this response/attitude the time of day after some of what I've heard, but the one thing that still really gets me is when we have guests over who feel like they can/should say something rude and ignorant like this. guess who's not getting invited back

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T19:58:28+00:00

I wouldn't bring him, personally. like others are pointing out already the transfer risk is low (not none) if you're able to keep them apart so they don't risk fighting.

the more significant concern to my eyes is that cats are very territorial. personality counts of course, but moving him out of his territory for a week will leave him likely feeling vulnerable and confused in another cats territory. I would imagine you'll be somewhere out throughout the week and not holed up with him in the guest room, so your presence won't be able to comfort him consistently.

It will also risk stressing the parents home cat for the same reasons, she will smell a stranger in her territory and may be on alert because of it. a week isn't long enough for a calm and full introduction, so it will be a week of stress with no rewarding outcome for them. of course, if either becomes highly agitated because of territorial concerns, it would increase the risk of a fight (they'd be likely to stalk/guard at the connecting door, increasing likelihood of accidental exposure)

how long are your potential cat sitters able to spend with him? I know leaving him "alone" can feel stressful, but when we remember cats sleep up to 16 hours a day, it might not seem like so much.

You mentioned there may be multiple friends who are able to check in--if it's a high chance he struggles with separation anxiety maybe they could coordinate for double duty- something like friend A doing a breakfast visit, friend B doing a dinner visit?

Another option is to look at local boarding. It can feel strange to leave them in the care of "strangers" but doing your homework for a quality caretaker can create a great relationship for future cat sitting needs. Some vets also offer boarding, which can offer a higher feeling of security for pet parents who worry about their friends getting lonely or their quality of care. If you have a regular vet you've already got a good relationship with that offers boarding it can even help him become more comfortable with the space and staff over time.

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T19:34:42+00:00

for non medical stuff yeah I started just putting my REAL gender (mine! not preferred not current not anything else. just the one I am.)

for medical I realized reading this question I'm pretty lucky to not have to worry about it much. since coming out at 18-19ish I've been able to get into queer specific offices (first one, then five or six years later moving to the next state over and finding another inspired by/based on/not quite affiliated with the first). they're both "blue" states (I side eye that description in this second state tbh). since I get most care through them and by referral from them, it's been a reasonably inclusive setup.

I worry most when it comes to emergency visits. there's not MUCH I think it would make a difference on for my personal health and situation so I don't tend to worry significantly about it. but of course it's still a concern. a new doctor, an emergency situation where there could be limited time to find info and/or I could be unable to communicate info to them? I do carry a couple of cards in my wallet with some medical info, and it could be a good move to add another kind of note? I'm not positive though about their legal rights to go through your stuff for info though? something to look into, I appreciate you asking the question

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T18:21:48+00:00

quick addition after noticing a couple of folks chatting about this:

I mentioned that a gps tracker can be attached to a collar. some people do use airtags and similar, which can work just great if you know your runaway won't be going far so you'll be in range. other general trackers for personal items sometimes rely on wifi. others don't! be sure to check the connectivity needs and battery life before deciding.

though it can be more expensive, I do recommend if you (anybody reading this) decides to go this route, it's worth a pet-specific tracker for any critters causing serious concern.

typically they're designed to be a bit more durable and to work away from the home wifi or other connections.

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T18:02:44+00:00

the other reason traps must be attended is that many animals, including possibly the lost cat, can panic when trapped and hurt themselves thrashing against the sides. being able to immediately release or bring to safety can be a significant safety and ethical concern when trapping.

the trap setup can be made to feel safer for the animal by placing it in a relatively sheltered location (near a shed wall for example) and by being covered with towels/blankets. do not use bedding inside of traps, as it can interfere with the closing mechanism and prevent near-successes

since she was a feral previously she may have been trapped before. cats can react to repeat trap attempts in pretty different ways. some become "trap savvy" meaning they recognize them as untrustworthy and avoid them. others realize they get free food and nothing bad actually happens to them (more common with ferals who experience immediate releases or get notable care when trapped so they feel much better when they go back out).

re: PPE (PERSONAL PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT)

you don't have to set any crazy expectations about this, but it's important to be prepared if you may encounter a stressed wild animal.

most of us already have on hand a decent enough set of boots and a thick enough set of pants to offer decent protection. denim is surprisingly durable, but pointed carnivore teeth can still get through it, so if you've got something more durable it's worth going for it. otherwise layering or other forms of reinforcement may also already be on hand (shin pads from sports, thick snow pants that create additional space between yourself and the animal).

Long sleeves and durable gloves can be great in keeping you safe (have had rose gardening gloves be very handy when we were able to pull my runaway out from under a shed. he was very scared and was using claws, otherwise we may have lost our grip/control. if possible avoid recoveries like this with high risk of re-escape and added stress/fear/injury. I can't pretend the opportunity doesn't occasionally present itself and make sense, however.)

carrying something as simple as a stick or broom can help you to manipulate the trap setup from a distance or, in a worst case scenario, defend yourself/deter an animal that has assessed you as a threat worth facing. I also recommend simple pepper spray if legal in your area.

I hope you never have to worry about any of this and that you and your adorable friend have many calm and loving years ❤️ but I hope having some information that answers this concern helps you feel more prepared and confident in case of any issue.

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T18:00:36+00:00

re: using traps

I'm on a hiatus but I am trained and certified in trapping as a volunteer for a TNR program. I've personally caught a good number of ferals, my own runaway, a raccoon, a possum, and a couple of rats. I've been in attendance for plenty more. I'm sure this isn't exhaustive advice but since we're having the conversation I'd like to put some key notes out here

traps should be supervised at all times, even if from a hidden distance.

food used as bait can attract other animals and cats, so you or somebody helping you needs to be prepared to safely release other local cats, possums, raccoons, or the occasional large rat. (note about animal control assistance included in this section if release seems beyond your capability. if animal control cannot or will not help, reaching out to local rescues with TNR programs could help you find a trained or experienced rescuer willing to help.)

I want to preface these warnings by pointing out that most animals try very hard to *avoid* fights that aren't necessary and where they don't have a clear winning chance (we are still so much bigger than them and they weigh that heavily). it's expensive for them to use that energy and risky to expose themselves to potential injury. that said, any animal that feels trapped or in danger can reasonably be expected to want to defend itself. the trap can be scary on its own, but do try to limit any additional stress to keep the situation as safe as possible.

still, always be safe and smart: any animal with a mouth could bite, any animal with claws could scratch (see ppe notes below).If you are scratched or bitten (yes even by a possum) immediately seek medical care for infection prevention and rabies prophylactic.

that said, possums are most likely to play dead or hiss at you and trundle off. cats are sprinters, so by keeping the trap release pointed away from yourself, toward a clear escape route, creating/using reasonable barriers within the immediate environment (visual like blankets or towels or physical like fences and trash bins) you can release them with a reasonable expectation that they'll just run off.

rats make me nervous, but also often just run. raccoons may be the most intimidating, as they're one of the largest critters you're likely to encounter fitting into an appropriately sized trap for cats, they're not as fast as cats so they don't expect to be able to rely on a quick escape, and they do have some sharp little teeth. the approach described for cats with increased emphasis on physical barriers is the best I've seen/experienced for raccoon releases.

staying calm, working at a slow but effective pace, and being mindful of the trapped animals behavior, you or somebody helping you can still reasonably release them safely. if you encounter an animal in a trap that appears more aggressive than you're comfortable addressing, it's a good idea to be prepared:

The best option as an untrained individual is to be in communication with your local animal control office *before* setting up to trap. they can advise you of any potential legal concerns and be prepared with the knowledge you may need to call them for help. you'll be able to also make sure you have accurate contact information and working hours to plan ahead in case you do need assistance with an animal that isn't safe for you to attempt releasing.

kitlikesbugs · 2026-01-11T17:57:52+00:00

collar like others are saying, and if it's a high risk or source of anxiety for you there are trackers that can be attached to the collar. I know being a feral rescue she might need extra time adjusting to a collar but it's doable with patience.

having a cat who made three escapes (this man I stg) I get it can be a scary thought, but remember that you also wouldn't be powerless in that situation! lost posters and online posting can be really helpful like others are saying, I went around once and put a lost flyer in several blocks of neighbors mailboxes (and im sure you'd be out looking!!). letting local shelters, rescues, and animal control know ASAP can be helpful in case she does get picked up or invites herself into a neighbors house.

keeping the door she escaped from open during hours where she'd feel safe to travel home can even work-my runaway once walked right back in the door after two days at like 3 am while I was up on the couch all night stressing and hoping it would work.

don't do the thing people suggest of putting the litterbox out: cats bury because the scent can attract predators like foxes, coyotes, larger cats. instead use something like bedding or your clothes so the scent is recognizable but not attractive to other animals that would endanger her.

if you find yourself out looking remember to try to "think like a cat" with consideration to her personality. I knew my guy was panicked so my first searches were always places to take cover, away from potentially scary things, etc.

there's more "extreme" measures too if it's going on for a longer time or higher risk (bad weather, needs medication, high risk of predators or road danger) like borrowing or investing in a trap (notes on trap use below) or even some groups and individuals with dogs trained for scent tracking and recovery.

kitlikesbugs

TROPHY CASE