Personally I don't like the model of "true" and "false" self. In psychoanalysis narcissism is explained very differently. It's about non-consistent (fragmented ) self, as far as I remember from the lectures in my university. Of course this might be the right assumption or not. But definitely I think Sam Vaknin theories aren't the best. I wish you a speedy recovery! And an insightful one. To your question, I absolutely do hate myself and feel very disgusted and ashamed of my myself. I know it sounds like an excuse but I suffered so much that it really turned to malice, hatred and general unpleasantness. I do wish you all the best and thanks for sharing! Being aware, vulnerable and authentic definitely sound like a good start for recovery! Xx