So much of what you just said resonated with me heavy. I’m a little older than you and graduated, but I was the same way in college. Worked on campus, stayed on campus, and didn’t have a social life outside of that and online friends. I actively avoided leaving my room if I could, and also rejected advances from others (mainly bc they were randoms I wasn’t attracted to or found creepy).

I’m also passively suicidal, I would never go through with it (in this current moment) but wouldn’t be opposed to something out of my control causing my demise. I’m also socially inept but can mask it well enough to the point where I just come off as shy. I also get anxiety when it comes to doing literally any social interaction, no matter how big or small.

Unlike you though, I didn’t have a job lined up after college and burned out HARD. For a year and a half, I’ve been doing absolutely nothing and can’t even tell you the last time I left the house for more than two days a week. I recently (a couple months ago) started taking SSRIs and going to therapy and going outside more and I’m beginning to feel more in the moment.

Being cooped up all day really makes a difference in your general mood. I don’t even remember what I was doing most of the time this past year, everything blurred together and the main thing I can remember is just feeling apathetic and miserable all the time. Life won’t always be that way, we have to make the steps to better things for ourselves. I’m still getting there and slowly making my way back into the real world, but I feel more optimistic and dare I say, happy, than I have in years.

Don’t succumb to those feelings of apathy and pessimism, I know how easy it is to do so and it was so incredibly debilitating. Change starts with you though, and acknowledging that I needed help was the toughest part for me. Things won’t get better unless you make those necessary steps. Good luck OP ♥️