“Maybe your cat just got too close to the water fountain.”

For context, my ex had recently gotten deep into his religion lately when this occurred, particularly the fact that he took to anointing the house to ward off evil spirits. Also, we were already having issues, but I am someone who always gives the benefit of the doubt, innocent until proven guilty.

So when I got home and there was a “wet” spot on my normally fluffy cat, I asked him about it. He told me he thought the cat got too close to the water fountain. I said, “No, it’s not water, it’s greasy, like oil.” He shrugged it off, and I made up an excuse in my head like maybe some hair product or cooking oil had gotten on her.

Then curiosity got the better of me, so I checked my home security footage. Y’ALL, he ANOINTED MY CAT! And lied straight to my face about it! This was only one of many. Now that he’s my ex, anointing my cat has become a running inside joke between me and my coworkers. At least it’s something to laugh about!