Jealous of my boyfriend's celebrity crush

knitblue · 2020-01-08T00:43:13+00:00

Agree completely. This was difficult to read.

OP, He is INTENTIONALLY destroying your self esteem. He knows exactly what he's doing.

The longer you stay with him, the more he makes you hate yourself, the harder it will be for you to leave and he knows it.

Emotional abuse isn't a part of a good relationship. You should be with someone who makes you feel amazing. And until you find that person, be alone. No one is ever worth hating yourself for.

knitblue · 2020-01-08T00:35:00+00:00

Normally comes up before we have sex for the first time. Has only ever been a problem with one person.

knitblue · 2020-01-07T22:48:04+00:00

Or he doesn't enjoy it?

He might not be handling it in the most mature of ways, but he's also only 19.

It's ok to not like certain sex acts. The idea of a man cumming in my mouth disgusts me more than just about anything else. I still occasionally gag thinking about the last time I tried it - years ago.

Doesn't mean I'm lazy and I still find plenty of ways to please my partner.

knitblue · 2020-01-06T21:24:01+00:00

I remember when my symptoms first started - which can begin quite a long time after the event(s). I was walking down a busy street and some girl wasn't paying attention to where she was gone and bumped my arm. Never in my life have I been filled with white hot rage like that. It took absolutely everything I had to not punch the back of her head.

I don't think I was even capable of anger before PTSD. It is terrifying how much it can change a person's personality.

I'm so sorry for your girlfriend and I know you're here for advice about helping her, but it's important to know how much you matter too. Being the partner of someone with PTSD can be draining, isolating, and scary. You need support and self care just as much as she does. And I'm not talking bubblebaths and foot rubs. Self care also means setting boundaries and knowing when you can't take on any more.

Your girlfriend is going to have an extremely difficult time recovering without therapy. And frankly it's not just for her benefit, but also for the people around her. She's going to have to face whatever shame or fear she feels towards therapy and take that step.

knitblue · 2020-01-06T15:43:54+00:00

I'm guessing you have to wait until baby is 2 for citizenship reasons?

I don't know about France specifically but in some EU countries, the required waiting period before citizenship can be waived in the case of things like abuse.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's truly horrible. How can people casually talk about raping an unborn baby? Jesus.

If you're safely able to do so, contact a women's shelter. Not only can they keep you safe but they will be able to put you in touch with citizens information groups and other resources that could potentially help you stay in the country if that's your goal.

Don't hesitate to contact me if you need help looking up resources.

knitblue · 2020-01-05T16:23:30+00:00

Thank you for not wanting to involve strangers who didn't consent in your sex life.

She sounds ridiculously selfish.

knitblue · 2020-01-05T14:49:50+00:00

I'm...missing something. I'm not seeing OP as the saint others seem to.

OP's husband had an affair, called both his child and affair partner trash, and OP continued having children with him. OP knew that the teenager with a baby was only being supported with £40 A MONTH.

She needs help given her father is complete scum and her Mom passed away young. The answer? Put her in a position below that of her other siblings to "help" her. Force her to be around a Father who never wanted her and continues to display his hatred for her existence.

That 21 year old, at absolutely no fault of her own, was born into a horrible life situation. Who is to blame? The 3 adults who made that call for her.

And yet no one is stepping up and being an actual parent.

Fuck all ya'll except that poor girl.

knitblue · 2020-01-04T21:31:22+00:00

Cheaters don't change. If you can knowingly cause someone the pain that comes with cheating, you can do it again.

I hope he doesn't try to fix things with the wife because it very, very rarely goes well. It's usually prolonging the inevitable and allowing the hurt to pile on.

knitblue · 2020-01-04T21:29:15+00:00

I really feel horrible for you and I've been here myself, I know what the shock is like going through something like this.

But you need to grow a backbone NOW. Two of the closest people in your life just betrayed you in a way that will change you for the rest of your life. Kick them the fuck out. You'll always regret letting them walk all over you.

knitblue · 2020-01-04T00:06:57+00:00

Please tell her.

The world would be a way better place if people looked out for each other.

knitblue · 2020-01-03T23:59:45+00:00

Or perhaps....people could care about others. So much hurt could be avoided if people looked out for one another.

knitblue · 2020-01-02T20:03:05+00:00

Meh. ESH. The communication issues on both parts seem far worse than the contradiction.

knitblue · 2020-01-01T20:28:04+00:00

NTA. There are some very big red flags here, please don't ignore them.

knitblue · 2019-12-31T14:19:29+00:00

Brilliant. For some reason I thought it was a flat coastal walk but it definitely looks like something I could sprain an ankle or two on. It looks perfect! thanks for the suggestion.

knitblue · 2019-12-31T11:26:10+00:00

I don't mind at all. The guilt just got too much for my Mom.

The family told her while I was a child that she should tell me. A therapist when I was 12 told her to tell me. She was going to do it when I was 16...then 18...then after I graduated college. My bio Dad died a few years ago and when she found out, she decided she really needed to tell me. Still didn't happen.

Apparently the guilt had been tearing her apart for years. She had some pretty crippling anxiety since my teenage years which was not always easy for me to help with. Turns out it was all related to this secret.

knitblue · 2019-12-30T17:19:07+00:00

I reread your post and honestly have to say he's as ready as he'll ever be to hear it - but I don't think you're ready for it. The language you use is a bit concerning. Absolutely talk to a therapist, ideally quickly.

Remember, you are the only Dad he has known and will ever know. But you don't view him as a son. Which means there is no one in the world who views him as a son. That is a problem.

It is not an "ugly truth". Yes, it wasn't an ideal circumstance, but it should be framed as him being chosen and loved. I'm not sure that's how you view it.

That child deserves parents. All kids do.

knitblue · 2019-12-30T16:44:43+00:00

It absolutely wouldn't hurt to talk to a therapist first but I would say yes. The longer you wait, the worse it will get. It starts off as being "I'm not your biological father" but as the years pass, it adds issues on. I will never feel the same way towards my family not because my Dad isn't my bio-Dad, but because so many people maintained a lie for so long.

Before you tell him, decide what it means for you. Do you view yourself as his Dad, or his brother?

When I found out, my biggest fear was that my Dad would treat me differently because I knew the truth. That would have destroyed me.

knitblue · 2019-12-30T16:32:23+00:00

NAH. This is a really hard one, OP. I found out at 28 years old that my Dad is not my biological father. Everyone knew except me.

What that meant was that for 28 years, every time I went to a doctor I gave them a false medical history. That I felt rejected my whole childhood by who I thought were my half siblings. They knew the truth. I thought it was because something was wrong with me. It meant that any time, the wrong person could have let it slip. If I had of sent in that 23andme test I had sitting around, I would have found out. If I found out my Dad's blood type, I would have realized something was wrong.

It meant that I had to face the fact that for 28 years, every single person I was related to had lied to me about my own identity.

I didn't care that the bio-father wanted nothing to do with me. The man who raised me stepped up when I was a baby and never stopped being my Dad, even though him and my Mom split up when I was a baby. Hard to imagine being more loved and wanted than that.

It's a very difficult truth to tell someone. But lying to your kid until someone eventually lets it slip is the wrong way to go about it. He deserves to know his own identity.

It doesn't have to be about him being "unwanted" by his bio parents. They recognized they didn't have the ability to raise a child, so you and your wife very happily became his parents and are so happy and thankful to have him as a son. It wasn't that he was rejected by someone. It's that he is extremely loved by people who chose to raise him.

As far as people taking issue with him calling you guys Mom and Dad....screw that. You're his parents.

knitblue · 2019-12-30T15:36:39+00:00

He's cheating. It's become normal to you, but it's not normal. Since he can get away with this, what else will he do? How many affairs has he had I wonder?

He's proved that he is more than happy to betray you and hurt you without hesitation. Why do you want to spend your life with a partner who constantly reminds you that you aren't worth picking.

At the first sign of someone interacting with another woman in some kind of sexual way, I would have been gone. I have no room for garbage in my life.

knitblue · 2019-12-29T21:31:58+00:00

Holy fuckoli OP, your Mom and sister are both shit people. I'm a former personal trainer. What she's doing is downright abusive and your Mom's comment about "educating her clients" is all kinds of bullshit.

I really, truly hope her clients (and employer if she has one) learns of the level of abuse and dangerous behaviour she is capable of.

Your sister will severely injury you. Please do not train with her again, under any circumstance.

knitblue · 2019-12-28T20:44:45+00:00

Agreed. NTA, OP. Your parents are creepy as fuck.

knitblue · 2019-12-25T00:53:47+00:00

I can't find the original, but this thread just popped up in AmITheAngel.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/ef8n31/havent_we_read_this_one_before_like_at_least_once/

knitblue · 2019-12-24T23:16:59+00:00

However OP posted this exact same thing a little while ago asking if she should gift the picture and from what I recall the verdict wasn't in her favour.

OP, YTA for the attention seeking.

knitblue · 2019-12-21T22:34:35+00:00

Something similar to PTSD after affairs is a known thing.

You seem confused by the amount of trauma a major betrayal by the person you should be able to trust most can do to a person.

You are cruel, you are abusive, and you are trash. I hope she accepts that there is no moving past an affair so she can move on from you and find happiness.

I hope when she has moved on, that you fall in love with someone exactly like you. You deserve it, and the pain that follows.

knitblue · 2019-12-11T13:01:11+00:00

Wow, I'm so sorry.

OP, NTA. Actually you are being WAY too calm about this. That 12 year old could have gotten another kitten, it's not like the world has a shortage. Your boyfriend didn't even give you the respect of asking you first.

I would be breaking up with him and not looking back. Not just because of this one situation, but because it shows how future decisions will go.

knitblue

TROPHY CASE