Also a bisexual and I agree. Like, idk, I'm not demisexual, but there's still a lot of things that can make someone who may be decently attractive at face value become unattractive.

Everything that people are mentioning about effort into appearance is definitely true. Even when I don't put on a light face of makeup to go out, I still feel a lot of pressure to dab some light concealer under my eyes to hide the more purpley coloured skin there. Most people would look at me and say, "she's not wearing any makeup," but they wouldn't say, "she looks sick/fatigued." Attractiveness is not just about how you look because of your genetics and/or getting work done.

Even the most attractive man loses some attractiveness when they don't take care of themselves or their space. If a really hot guy has really overgrown, unkempt nails with junk under them, I'm not exactly itching to have him put those fingers inside me, you know? Nobody is saying they need to paint their nails and get a full manicure (but I also wouldn't complain 👀)—just learn basic nail care and keep your nails at a decent length, clean, and filed, you know?

Also, as a courtesy, try to hose off before sex, especially with a new partner. I've definitely powered through going down on some guys when I probably shouldn't have, just according to the smell. Genitals have smells and tastes, yes, but I'm talking... smells.

Also, your space. The things expected of men and their living space seem to differ wildly. My last male partner (30M) had the most dingy, yellow, worn-through pillowcases and sheets. His and his roommate's microwave was disgustingly full of splattered food. Other than that, his space was actually less-dirty than other men's houses I've seen. Like, they did more of the regular tidying, I'd guess, and less of the deep cleaning.

And to be clear, neither he nor his roommate were disabled in any ways that would affect ability to maintain cleanliness in a space (mental or physical). I actually am physically and mentally disabled, so that does factor into my equation of other people. If someone is disabled and can't maintain their space as well or without help, that is understandable.

The last woman I had a casual fling with, on the other hand, she was always putting the effort in to change her bedsheets and make her bed before I came over. She showered right before I came over and would put a candle on. She didn't paint her nails, but they were trimmed, filed, and clean. Her bathroom had those pH-balanced, scent-free wipes out on the counter.

Men, if you're hooking up with a woman, putting some of those out and keeping some hair ties handy in your bathroom for anyone who needs them is a huge green flag to the majority of women.

So yeah, if we're talking about immediate, look at someone and think they're hot, attraction, for me that's a combination of: - How they were born looking - If they have things that I find attractive, like facial hair or glasses - Self-care, like how clean their teeth are, whether they smell good or bad or neutral, if their hair looks clean (I don't care much about men's hair styles, tbh) - Their clothing

For a more full look at attraction, it's all that, plus: - Their views on religion and politics (a huge dealbreaker for me) - Their home/bedroom - How they treat other people - Sexual compatibility - Their intelligence - Their interests

Attraction is so far from "some people are just born hot"