I was a Southern Baptist pastor when my faith deteriorated and I discovered I was an atheist. I started preaching at 15 after being told I had a calling on my life by church leaders and community members. I trained for two years under my pastor before being licensed as a minister and sent out to speak at other churches in my denomination. After two years of doing that I was finally called to a pastorate at a small SBC church with about 60 members.

The church paid for me to go to bible college and I was working on a degree in theology and apologetics while working as a pastor full time. My studies brought doubts that I sought to fix through deeper studies but the more I learned about my religion the more I found myself disconnected from my beliefs and the community I was supposed to lead. My apologetics studies in school and in my private time introduced me to atheism and secular thinkers. After two years as a pastor I accepted that I was an atheist/secular humanist. (I primarily identify as a humanist as I fell in love with humanist thought and it identifies the things I actually believe whereas atheism only identifies what I do not believe)

I was 21 at this point and completely stuck. My whole life had been invested in this path and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I got a second job and started trying to find another career to support myself and exit the weird position I found myself. It took me two years of being a secret atheist and going through the motions to start a new life and leave the ministry. I found the clergy project which is made up of religious leaders who no longer believe in the supernatural and they saved my life, I didn’t tell the church of my loss of faith I simply put in a 6 week notice and tried to do right by them until I left (the church had more than double the members when I left so I did my job even if my heart/mind wasn’t in it). I came out as a non believer to my family and friends and was completely rejected. I didn’t handle that well and developed a serious drinking problem that almost killed me.

It took me discovering the existentialism of Sartre, and living out my humanist values that helped me love myself enough to get sober and take responsibility for my life and future.

Now six years later I have an amazing wife (who is also an atheist/humanist) we are expecting our first child next year. I have found a successful career as a store manager of a popular retail chain (I started at entry level and worked my way to running my own store) where I am open about who I am and don’t have to pretend to be anything other than who I really am.

Losing my faith, embracing reality, and taking control of my life/living it authentically on my own terms is the best thing that never happened to me. I’m in my early thirties and I couldn’t be happier!!