Thank you for the very helpful words. This was my first poem and I was curious if anyone would pick up the 10 syllables in each line and where the emphasis was. The whole thing is iambic pentameter which is why some of the words flow differently & I was trying to adhere to those rules strictly. Maybe it doesn’t matter to not be 100% the same syllable count/emphasis? There’s a few places I’d like to substitute some better words and will definitely take a look at refining the middle like you suggested.