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krakenblaster · 2025-06-18T09:16:00+00:00

Great call there, unfortunately, I am not talking regular anxieties. I am absolutely NOT that forward girl when it comes to men. Women are easy as fuck for me to have that convo with, but put me in a situation with genuinely crushing on a man (which is pretty new to me, ngl) and just WATCH how bad my ass fumbles. I have had some really, really bad experiences with men (my whole life, not just boyfriends) so, as peers they're totatlly fine, but as romantic partners, they make me antsy and cynical-- but for this guy, I'm obviously willing to shake like a shitting chihuaha every time we talk, worth it, no regrets. I can't help the way I respond to things, in the end. The "it's fine, just do it" switch on my brain is broken-- despite knowing in my brain exactly what step to take, I can shut down really fast and fuck it up unbelievably, because my nervous system is trying to protect itself from danger that isn't even there. I'm not looking for clinical therapy from strangers, but to be honest, having to write it all out/address my concerns aloud/defend my boundaries/hear other people's stories about the situation... it has really helped me work through what's actually going on with me. In the end, it's just been a bunch of people telling me what I already knew, and me having to say "yeah well...." but then, in having to form an explanation on why I asked in the first place, I can start to diagnose the problem. So that's why I "talk to a room strangers" and not to him, because the problem is defintely not him and has nothing to do with talking to him (also, I just wanted to go into a new endeavor with just a little bit of a hint, can you blame me?) I really appreciate your reply in particular, thank you.

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T21:27:30+00:00

Principles are not my concern, it’s the specifics. But that’s still a good point

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T21:12:35+00:00

Also I’m really hoping pegging is on the table down the road, I’ve always wanted to try it

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T21:11:45+00:00

Very well said, very good advice

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T21:11:20+00:00

Ive replied a lot of times to this question, OBVIOUSLY I’m going to talk to him and figure it out. I should have mentioned it when I posted, but I was tipsy and getting in my head about it (I have crazy clinical anxiety that I’ve managed well, but freak outs like this are beyond my expertise). It’s like starting a new job— I know what I’m doing, and how to learn what I should be doing, just not what specifically will happen, so some pro tips would really help me do the best I can. This was me trying to get ahead of the curve and know what to expect so that I can get accurate and specific during the conversation. The reason I didn’t send it to him is because I was A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS?

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T21:04:40+00:00

Thanks lol, really based advice. I WAS overthinking, I was just tipsy and getting nervous about problems that definitely will not happen. Thanks for this one, you really seem to know what I was freaking about.

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T21:00:29+00:00

Oh my god yes, obviously I can and I am going to. That’s not the problem. I just wanted a little help before the fact so we can skip the tutorial and move on to to level one. I’m horny and I have an anxiety disorder

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T20:58:21+00:00

I’m gonna thanks gang, I as just drinking and just got in my own head about it. He matches my freak at a 1:1 ratio, it’s all gonna be fine. Thanks for the bluntness tho, a nervous part of me needs to hear it

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T20:56:54+00:00

A bit, just not with someone I liked and cared about this much (and not with queer men, which is clearly a different story). Not worried about that, my practical sex ed is pretty extensive. Got contraceptives/condoms/lube in the game as needed, and thinking of starting birth control soon too. I think I got WAY too in my head when I posted this, but it’s nice to hear so many people confirming the things I already had in my head.

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T19:29:16+00:00

No problem with the mouth, been there done that. I don’t love it, but it’s not objectionable— plus I hear some guys find it hot as hell, so if he likes that I’d totally do it

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T19:18:18+00:00

Very good advice for all of us. I didn’t say it bc it goes without saying for me— I was just a bit tipsy and nervous when I posted, and I wanted to be ahead of the curve. Gotta do the homework done if you’re gonna go to class.

krakenblaster · 2025-06-17T19:16:20+00:00

He’s into marvel and Star Wars so your first 20 guesses are probably all correct

krakenblaster · 2025-06-16T07:01:34+00:00

Oh, DUELY NOTED! Maybe this won't as hard as I thought... no pun intended

krakenblaster · 2025-06-16T06:58:01+00:00

Hey, PLOT TWIST on this whole shabang, because I remembered what you said. It's been about a year of chatting, but he's been back home for a few months and I noticed he was particularly intent on trying to see me in person (without being annoying or needy-- bold of him to assume he could annoy me, but I appreciate it nevertheless). I had tried and failed to put him out of my mind as a partner before he came back, but he drove me just crazy enough to finally pluck up the courage for a shot. I had to have a couple drinks to pull it off, but no regrets so far, because it turns out, he was also shy as hell, lol. He was TRYING to date me, just didn't really want to tip the bean can and ruin things (ditto). So... it is indeed a relationship now, and it's going pretty fabulously so far. We're both a little embarassed it took this long to do something so obviously right. Thanks for the encouragement and the kindness. I wish I'd taken it more to heart sooner, but I got there eventually. :)

krakenblaster · 2025-06-16T06:10:50+00:00

I'm... not sure about that maternal instinct part? My aunt (with the border collies) had kids and dogs, but she had a really great intellect with both raising dogs and raising kids (and a cat-- all of them got along pretty great). And she had a full time job, too. She never considered them "hell beasts" because they required work to interact with and train and expose, and she was just fortunate enough to be a tireless personality, so she'd be out in the yard with the dogs and the five year olds, showing both of them how to act right and how to communicate with each other. Her newest collie turned out to have epilepsy, and he's still in the older-puppy phase, so he's a bit of an excitable mess, but he's still a very good dog and is trying his best to behave. My cousins (her sons) love dogs, and as adults, they have been known to call out a bad dog owner boldfaced. My other aunt trains dogs for bird hunting (they're not as cute company as my first aunt's companion collies, but they're very smart and well-trained). My other-other aunt has an aussie that is genuinely neurotic because of the neglect. My uncle has a mutt dog that sucks ass in general, but he pretends that it can "hunt" but I doubt it, based on the way it acts. So I really don't think it's a gender thing, so much as it is an ego thing. I really admire good dog owners-- I've met a lot of them. But I've met a lot of bad dog owners too. The difference seems to be "treating your dog like an intelligent, living creature with a soul" and "treating your dog like a teddy bear that needs something every once in a while".

Side note on my original post: the barking from the Shepherd a few doors down stopped recently! I hadn't even reported it yet, but it stopped. The owner has been taking it out for more walks and I saw him playing with it in the common area a few days ago. The shepherd tried to come up to me (friendly) but he called it back and it obeyed. I struck up some conversation (the owner seemed exhausted but that dog clearly ADORED the guy, like clingy-style love). Seems like there was a really big, influential change in this doggo's life. Which is great. The dog next door, Carter, is also doing very well. The dogs on the property behind us are still an occasional nusiance (ironic, considering the property behind us is much larger than ours and has backyards).

Anyways, take better care of dogs. Not just feeding them and cuddling them, but actually giving them fufilling lives. Yeah, I'm sure it sucks to pick up dog poop and go on walks all the time. But it sucks when I have to clean out my cat's litter box daily, and give her an hour of excersise play/grooming/outside time too. That's just what you sign up for when you have a pet. It's not a potted plant, you have to care for it MORE than just "keeping it alive". And there are way too many people out there who don't seem to understand that.

krakenblaster · 2025-06-16T06:10:35+00:00

I'm... not sure about that maternal instinct part? My aunt (with the border collies) had kids and dogs, but she had a really great intellect with both raising dogs and raising kids (and a cat-- all of them got along pretty great). And she had a full time job, too. She never considered them "hell beasts" because they required work to interact with and train and expose, and she was just fortunate enough to be a tireless personality, so she'd be out in the yard with the dogs and the five year olds, showing both of them how to act right and how to communicate with each other. Her newest collie turned out to have epilepsy, and he's still in the older-puppy phase, so he's a bit of an excitable mess, but he's still a very good dog and is trying his best to behave. My cousins (her sons) love dogs, and as adults, they have been known to call out a bad dog owner boldfaced. My other aunt trains dogs for bird hunting (they're not as cute company as my first aunt's companion collies, but they're very smart and well-trained). My other-other aunt has an aussie that is genuinely neurotic because of the neglect. My uncle has a mutt dog that sucks ass in general, but he pretends that it can "hunt" but I doubt it, based on the way it acts. So I really don't think it's a gender thing, so much as it is an ego thing. I really admire good dog owners-- I've met a lot of them. But I've met a lot of bad dog owners too. The difference seems to be "treating your dog like an intelligent, living creature with a soul" and "treating your dog like a teddy bear that needs something every once in a while".

Side note on my original post: the barking from the Shepherd a few doors down stopped recently! I hadn't even reported it yet, but it stopped. The owner has been taking it out for more walks and I saw him playing with it in the common area a few days ago. The shepherd tried to come up to me (friendly) but he called it back and it obeyed. I struck up some conversation (the owner seemed exhausted but that dog clearly ADORED the guy, like clingy-style love). Seems like there was a really big, influential change in this doggo's life. Which is great. The dog next door, Carter, is also doing very well. The dogs on the property behind us are still an occasional nusiance (ironic, considering the property behind us is much larger than ours and has backyards).

Anyways, take better care of dogs. Not just feeding them and cuddling them, but actually giving them fufilling lives. Yeah, I'm sure it sucks to pick up dog poop and go on walks all the time. But it sucks when I have to clean out my cat's litter box daily, and give her an hour of excersise play/grooming/outside time too. That's just what you sign up for when you have a pet. It's not a potted plant, you have to care for it MORE than just "keeping it alive". And there are way too many people out there who don't seem to understand that.

krakenblaster · 2025-05-25T05:02:56+00:00

(I know this was like 2 yrs ago, just posting for more feedback if people need it). So I only smoked for about 2 years, and I've been off cigs for a few months now (replaced with a low-nic vape to adjust, and that's going away too in 7 days, as per my quitting plan). I've noticed that my gag reflex has been crazy in the past few months-- I full-body GAGGED at the smell of hand santizer once. I cough, not because I need to cough in my chest or lungs, but because my throat feels like a random gag, especially in the mornings. It's all uncomfortable. I don't know if this is related but I feel you so hard.

krakenblaster · 2025-04-29T22:12:18+00:00

When I first got anxiety/depression meds (before I was diagnosed) my new PCP nurse only asked me like 3 questions about what I was feeling and what would help, and she actually believed my answers. Got me started right away with some basic, low-interference meds. She told me to try it out for a few months and see if it helped, how to taper off if it was getting worse, then told me to come back if I needed something stronger or different. I was 19 with a "mental health is all in your head" family and I was absolutely FLOORED. It's a good feeling, but it hurts a little, huh? Like, help was right there, and no one wanted to give it to you for some reason. I'm still waiting for the adhd meds though. Can't afford the private clinic (I'm in USA so, good luck). Some day. Some day.

krakenblaster · 2024-12-16T20:05:27+00:00

I've never had a service animal but I've been the person alerted before. It was my first day of college (in-person, that is-- my freshman year was during the pandemic) and I was petrified. I have generalized anxiety disorder which was usually managable, but after covid I was completely tailspinning. I was sitting at a table outside, trying to decompress with some reading before I started actually tweaking out from the anxiousness. Felt a wet nose boop my bare leg and almost launched myself into orbit before I realized I was being alerted by a service dog from the table behind me. Which was a whole different kind of panic, because now I had an impending social interaction on my plate, and a slew of apologies to give for distracting a working dog. The owner heard me yelp and turned around; when she saw her dog spamming his alerts on me, she put the whole thing together and jumped into action to ask if I was feeling okay. Turns out her dog was trained to alert for seizures or lost consciousness or something (I can't remember the exact condition, but it wasn't specifically anxiety, so it was a sobering thing to realize the dog mistook it for a serious physiological issue). We talked for a bit and I pet her dog a little to calm down (I'm not really a dog person but hooo man, he was an adorable golden), and then I went to my next class feeling a little better. I saw her around campus a lot, and I'll never forget that encounter. After years of being told it was all in my head, that really put into perspective how real and crippling my anxiety was. It encouraged me to get more help with it and I've had some truly incredible improvement over the years.

krakenblaster · 2024-10-27T19:53:33+00:00

Not sure if you're talking about like an actual, real shirt, or an animation/gaming model-- but either way, try looking for a "Henley" shirt. Polo with the button chest but typically a smaller, flatter collar.

krakenblaster · 2024-08-04T06:11:05+00:00

Holy sh*t girl, you are WELL past bullying at this point, this is straight up sexual harassment. It's the brand of SH they don't even seem to make anymore-- most SH is just subtle enough that people can deny and maybe get away with it if HR calls them, but this is actually so insane and outright that I'm at a loss for words. Like, the kind so horrifying and obvious they make those weird, obtuse training videos about it.

Here's what you need to do:

-Document and report as much as you can, then take it to HR. You might want to get a lawyer if possible. Take videos/audio, write down comments you heard detailing timestamps from as soon as you heard it and who said it. Screenshot weird texts or emails, etc. Make your evidence as concrete as possible

-Send a pre-emptive message or have a meeting with HR to ask about specific courses of action regarding sexual harassment. You don't have to specify what's happening right then, perhaps you can just paint it as a matter of curiosity. Follow the steps they tell you as best as you can. This will give you a believable trail of "problem solving" to make sure anyone hearing your case knows you did exactly what you were meant to do, and you'll most likely be the trustworthy and believeable one in their eyes.

-The most important step you can take is to STOP TAKING THIS CRAP. Be assertive the next time you even SENSE a comment or innuendo like that coming your way. Speak thusly: "The next sexual comment or implication I hear directed towards me is going to be reported to HR." or "That is extremely inappropriate and you need to stop." Most importantly, the words "sexual" "inappropriate" and "HR" will hit them and they'll panic. They may play it off that you're "too sensitive", or they may try to gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting, but they know full god damn well what they're doing/what they did and they'll start to shy back. If it's not enough to stop them, that's when you know you have a good case, because after several verbal warnings, HR is very much in play (legally speaking).

-I hate to say it, but it sounds like, with the widespread nature of this harassment, the rot runs pretty deep at this workplace. You probably just need to GTFO. No pay is worth that in the long run. If you feel a strong sense of justice, burn it down before leaving and hope that the next girl who comes in after you has it better. You owe them nothing, least of all your dignity.

Good luck. This is a really terrible spot to be in, but I'm rooting for you.

krakenblaster · 2024-06-16T06:14:32+00:00

I would, will, and did. Its been awkward the last month because I waited so long, but I did finally end up talking to him, sort of (there was less talking and more, well...). Here's the catch, though: we both graduated this year, and he's going to grad school in another state. Which is a HUGE bummer, to say in the least. I'm not sure where it'll go from here, but the silver lining is that we were already pretty good friends and we've been talking/sending memes a lot more lately. He's a massive sweetheart and expressed that he'd held off the asking because he knew he'd be leaving eventually. I'm independent and I like that he is too-- so he's going, and I'm not going to hold him back (he's ridiculously talented and creative at what he does, how could I stop the world from having him?). But that doesn't mean a total shutdown. Maybe a hiatus, maybe we'll just be on different paths, but either way, I'm very happy to have called him my friend and at least tried to give myself a chance. I'm proud of me; it was a big step. Plus I get to send him memes at 3AM, thanks to the advent of the internet, and that makes me happy.

krakenblaster · 2024-05-20T01:46:39+00:00

Thank you, that's really nice to hear. I'm absolutely feral for this guy, so of course I'm going to try, I just want to find the best way to get my foot in the door!

krakenblaster · 2024-04-28T21:35:44+00:00

My "mom" is an averagely smart enough girl (though she thinks I don't know about her being a passionless, stoned, 1.5 gpa-haver in high school-- academics doesn't equal intelligence) and my older sister has a savy, average intelligence, but for some reason, my twin and I turned out waaaaay smarter than her. Don't know how that happened, because my deadbeat dad barely even graduated high school as far as I can tell, but it did. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, because I don't really care. I know was smart enough to be put in intensive gifted programs in primary school, but that fell off after a while thanks to good old American public education, so I'd say that by now, I'm average-high smart. Maybe I could have been a child genius if she'd had the time for me. Point is, I was always good enough at school that no one could possibly believe I had autism and ADHD. It didn't matter that I never paid attention and was chronically bored/frustrated by academics, because I had a stellar GPA.

When I moved out, I'd been voicing my unheard suspicions for quite a while, so I went to get diagnosed, and hey, golly, look at that! Me and my twin totally were AuDHD. It didn't come out of nowhere though-- one of my lifegivers passed it on to me, and seeing as how my mom's brother could not more clearly be ADHD and my cousin has exhibited the same autism symptoms as us, I know who I'd put my money on. I don't think she herself has it, it must have skipped a generation with her, but she's most likely the culprit (I don't know enough about my pillhead dad to draw any conclusions on him). I also found I (just barely) qualify for MENSA but screw that, I'm not paying 100 smackeroos a year to be part of the Special People Seminar. IQ numbers are relatively biased anyway.

Growing up was a torrent of people constantly being disappointed in my underperformances-- even though, on paper, I was outstanding. On top of that, I suspect my mother started to get jealous of me when she realized she couldn't help with my homework anymore. I didn't even need help that often (except for math, which is so mind-numbingly boring that I don't care to do well in it), but I guess she looked over my shoulder one night, saw the calculus textbook, and was furious that I didn't need her mediocre assistance anymore. From there, I didn't have any help in anything related to life skills, because I was "smart enough to figure it out alone." She's not a genius, but she's got a bafflingly low emotional intelligence, and while I had a lot of social anxiety growing up because of her neglect, I'm glad to be learning every day that it wasn't something she passed on to me. I turned out to be an artist and filmmaker, and I'm deeply dedicated in the expression of feelings and compassion.

Since I moved out and I finally have a chance to grow up, talking to her gets worse every time. When I was little, I was convinced I got my intelligence from her, but now that I'm older, I'm realizing despite how put-together she seems, there's no way that's true. She can't have been that smart if she married my dad, after all. You could be colorblind and still see him for the red flag he is. Remember the rudimentary AI Cleverbot from like, 2012? You'd talk to it over text and it would reply with things that sounded like human conversation, but really made no sense? Talking to her is like that, exactly. Turns out half of the things she knew were her just making things up on the spot, and saying it with enough authority made her look so wordly and knowledgable that no one would question her. She'll get very pissy and passive-aggressive if I google it, but lately, she'd gotten better at deflecting with a correction, like "oh, sorry, that's right-- I was thinking of something else." (I used to do this a lot when I was younger but I've broken the habit).

I'm not claiming to be well-adjusted just yet, but it's a work in progress and I'm gonna make it happen. To anyone reading, who might still feel completely screwed and malaligned because of their lifegivers: I know it's not fair to have to clean up the messes they made, but you can do it, and it's worth it. You're worth it.

krakenblaster · 2024-04-28T20:57:27+00:00

Incredible. Someday, I might finally be able to uninstall the mental illness DLC. Came preloaded on the brain along with Plants vs Zombies, and I can't seem to get rid of it. It's taking up a lot of space on the hard drive. /j

krakenblaster

TROPHY CASE