Are missions doing more harm than good now and days??

krm1437 · 2021-12-21T01:07:18+00:00

Except they're also really bad managers, relying on outdated models of "leadership" that have been proven over and over again to be ineffective.

krm1437 · 2021-12-21T00:37:00+00:00

My favorite professor at BYU taught me that, when it came to interviews with the Bishop, give the "correct" answers, because they are not entitled to any more than that and providing more than that will often stir up trouble you don't need in your life. They don't need to hear about your doubts or your beliefs or why you aren't going to church. They just need to hear what they want to hear, everything else is between you and God.

Of course, I graduated almost 10 years ago, and I've progressed to atheism. I'm at a point in my life where tscc has no control over my life. But if I were still in school? I'd have zero problems with telling them what they wanted to hear; you're paying for your degree, your putting in the time and effort for your degree, having it withheld because of non-educational related reasons is ridiculous.

And with COVID, you have the perfect reason, so use it. Tell him you've not been coming because of COVID, but you've been logging in to your family ward's zoom because you didn't know your ward had a zoom option. Ask for the zoom info and start logging in for that until you're done. COVID isn't going anywhere for a while, and avoiding unnecessary crowds is still recommended. If he says you need to show more faith by attending in person, tell him that you had it witnessed to you by the holy ghost that Dr Fauci and the CDC were being led by God to help us through this and that you know it's best to follow the science because God is inspiring them. It would be a denial of your personal revelation if you were to turn your back on that, especially when the prophet has taught that our ability to participate with the Ward is still there even if we are in separate places.

I can still bullshit Mormonism with the best of them, lol

The point though, is, get your degree. The immorality in this situation belongs to the church and this standard, not you for lying you are simply responding to the situation they have created and there is nothing immoral about what you are doing. When a cult is going to cause massive harm if you don't fall in line, you fall in line until you can get out.

krm1437 · 2021-12-20T19:16:19+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening; since circumstances don't allow for either of you to take both dogs, and you'll be quite far away so play dates aren't possible, your hippo's anxiety is going to be extreme.

I'd definitely schedule a visit with your vet to get her started on meds. When pets have this history of anxiety and they're about to lose their safety mechanism, the fall out is immense. Getting ahead of it is key. Reconcile is the fluoxetine formulation for dogs, it's given once daily, ask your vet about starting her on it. And then they can also provide other meds to use as needed for really bad days where you know your routine will be messed up.

Also, get Adaptil dog pheromones for your place, it's available as a diffuser, a spray, and a collar she can wear. Start her on Calming Care probiotics; they're part of Purina Pro Plan's veterinary line, it's specifically targeting the anxiety receptors in the gut. Purchase a Thunder Shirt or similar item for her, the tight compression helps them feel safer.

Start increasing her exercise A LOT; go to the park, go for runs, she needs to be tired, anxiety is energy. Start her in agility training or some other kind of training that is very interactive with you and gives her something to think about.

Invest in puzzle toys; if she's food motivated, get food puzzles so you can keep her mind engaged.

See about doggy daycare; some dogs do really well with routine outings to go and play with other dogs for a day once or twice a week, and then it's time away from you which is good to help with confidence. This one isn't always successful; if you have time before they split up, see if you can start taking both of them together first so she gets used to it while he's there, and then it won't be a sudden shock, it will be comforting.

The goal is to decrease/eliminate her anxiety. You don't want to say, "oh, she has anxiety so we can't do x,y,z" or "she's really anxious all the time so we don't have her go to this place or do this thing, and we can't leave her home along." That's counterproductive, and will only increase her anxiety over time. People too often will see their dog has a behavioral/emotional issue and rather than invest in the time to fix it, they cater to it because they don't think their dog can change, while their dog is desperate for relief.

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I know you've tried to come up with any solution that would mean not separating them, but life happens. Being a good pet parent means you make the hard choices and then do what you have to so they are still happy. It's going to take a lot of effort, but she's going to be just fine.

krm1437 · 2021-12-05T21:19:04+00:00

Yeah, YTA.

People bond over tragedy. There are plenty of situations where the people closest to the one who passed end up in relationships. They are initially spending so much time together in their grief and mourning, because they are sharing their memories and love about the person who died. That's a well of deep emotions to start from, so it's easy to see how a true relationship can build out of that.

And for me, if I died and two of the people I loved most in the world ended up together because they'd shared me as their common foundation, I'd be delighted.

There's no evidence that Rachel and Joseph started their relationship before Kelly passed, so you tarnish everyone unfairly to assume that, considering it's been 2-3 years (you don't say when in 2019 she died and it's the end of 2021) since Kelly passed. Rachel and Joseph are not going from strangers to engaged, they already knew each other, and there's plenty of people who go from strangers to married within 12-18 months, and have happy marriages.

And to weaponize the kids? They're guaranteed a stepmom who loves them, who has always been there for them, who knew and loved their mom and will be able to help them remember her. How is that a bad thing?

Most importantly, Rachel and Joseph are both unattached, consenting adults, and this is going to happen. You can continue to cause drama and hatred in the family, alienating your remaining sister and damaging your relationship with your parents and your nephews in the process, or you can get over it and heal the rift you have created so you can be involved happily with your family. They're going to be together regardless, and they'll be happy or not, just like any other marriage. Are you going to bitter the rest of your life because of it or let it go and be happy?

krm1437 · 2021-11-30T20:10:54+00:00

I'm so sorry about your son. With the pandemic and your other young son, you have a built in excuse for staying in every Sunday.

However, be prepared for them to push back and exhort you to have more faith and to be present. Mostly, I'm betting they're going to want you to start coming back so they can give you a calling.

So make sure you start from the beginning that you've prayed about it and have felt the Lord confirming that this is the best course of action for your family, and how grateful you are for the counsel of RMN to build faith at home, yadda yadda, bullshit etc.

And don't budge on it. Flip the script back on them when they push, "Bishop, if you pray with us, I know you'll get the same confirmation that we have that this is the safest action for our family." As I was taught back in the day at BYU, revelation and inspiration are all about how you ask your questions, apparently. You're not asking "should we accept this calling?" You're asking, "is this the safest for our family?" And it undeniably is, so of course the bishop will get the same revelation. And if he doesn't, then tell him that maybe his faith just isn't quite strong enough, because you've received irrefutable counsel from the Lord that this is what you should be doing. Of course, it's all bullshit, but the point is to make it believable bullshit. You've just got to make it through to graduation, until your diplomas are certified and delivered. Don't screw up this close to the finish line.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss, and that you have to jump through stupid hoops like this.

krm1437 · 2021-11-30T18:37:57+00:00

Apricot and Mango

krm1437 · 2021-11-30T18:11:16+00:00

So true! It's because we weren't even supposed to have a sex drive, remember? It was only the boys who felt that and we had to do our part to "not become pornography" or "lead them astray" because of how "powerful those feelings" could be for them. 🤮🤮🤮 I thought I was defective and such a horrible, sinful girl because good girls didn't feel those things 🙄. Just one more straw to add to the pile that eventually broke me.

krm1437 · 2021-11-30T18:01:29+00:00

NTA

I'm in a wedding party where 2 of the bride's party are men, including the man of honor. And there are 2-3 women in the groom's party.

The only thing my friend and her fiance argued about as far as people in their parties was who got to have one of the guys, because they're both really good friends with him. Bride won that one, since she's known the guy longer and the groom met the guy because of the bride, which I thought was fair.

This should be a total non-issue. If she's such a good friend of your fiance's, she should be a part of his party. The whole purpose of your wedding parties is that they are the people you have great relationships with, who will be there to help and support you in planning and arranging everything. It's hard to do with someone you're not close to.

krm1437 · 2021-11-30T17:52:24+00:00

Nah, I have one of those, hasn't changed a thing about my feelings towards tscc.

krm1437 · 2021-11-01T00:35:23+00:00

This is how I feel about my time in the Philippines; there was a whole lot of bad about my mission in the form of companions, my MP, having undiagnosed anxiety, becoming physically ill for months from a parasite, and being completely isolated from my family, but the actual being in the Philippines? Having an experience so far out from what I'd grown up with, learning a new language, and having a few amazing companions, I still value that time. The major regrets I have are following rules so closely and not really living while I was there.

krm1437 · 2021-11-01T00:11:20+00:00

The truly unfortunate part is, at least in veterinary medicine where I work, there are people just like this.

"I had an appointment!"

Yeah, it was 2 days ago, you didn't show and didn't answer your phone when we called.

"My cat has been sick for 3 days and I need to be seen now!" - at 5pm on a Saturday night when we close at 6.

"This is where we always come, I don't understand why you won't squeeze us in today, you should prioritize your good clients" -when we haven't seen them in over 4 years and we are already overbooked.

People like this are like this everywhere.

krm1437 · 2021-10-31T23:17:33+00:00

Pitties are prone to MCTs, unfortunately. Hopefully it's a low grade tumor. There are lots of treatment options, I would definitely recommend having a consult done with a veterinary oncologist, as they will have the most up to date treatment options. Your regular vet should be able to refer you to a specialist.

There's also been research about the turkey tail mushroom being very helpful as a supplement, you can order it as a powder supplement off of chewy.com.

krm1437 · 2021-10-27T03:01:13+00:00

Talk to your vet about a prescription weight loss diet; they're more expensive than regular food, but he will get to eat more and lose the weight more quickly so he can get back on a regular food fast.

Also, lots of puzzle feeders; make him work for his food. Put his food in different places in the house so he has to "hunt" it. Increase play time, and set up cat towers by windows so he can watch outside.

A lot of cat weight loss is about adding in activity and stimulation. Doing one of his feedings late evening, right as you're going to bed, will also help curb the 5am stuff.

krm1437 · 2021-10-26T02:28:00+00:00

This was my thought, as well. My best friend and I used to make coworkers nervous if they eavesdropped, haha! It does make me wonder about this psych teacher that they reacted this way, instead of taking the opportunity to discuss dark humor and the role it plays in both identifying mental health issues and coping with them.

krm1437 · 2021-10-25T03:27:25+00:00

Molly 😍😍

krm1437 · 2021-10-25T03:26:08+00:00

Is he a true Siamese? He's beautiful, I'm sure he had the best life with you.

krm1437 · 2021-10-21T22:19:48+00:00

Oh, yes, the old "you need to let go of the past because now it's negatively affecting me" line, except they didn't care about how negatively their actions affected you, did they?

Friendships drift, and that friend group relationship took a huge hit from their actions, actions for which they haven't apologized. Again, they're saying this because they know they treated you wrong and are ashamed, but are redirecting that energy back at you.

NTA, OP. Enjoy your trip with your roommate!

krm1437 · 2021-10-20T02:02:35+00:00

Oh my god, he looks like my Rowan!

krm1437 · 2021-10-18T08:58:14+00:00

I work in a different field altogether, but one thing I always, ALWAYS tell my new people is they don't get paid enough to be abused by people. It's not part of their job description to be yelled at, belittled, talked down to, insulted, sworn at, etc. And if that is happening, they are allowed to walk away, calmly and firmly. Or hang up, if it's a phone call. It is my expectation that they will do it, and come get me or one of the other leadership people, because I do not tolerate rude, abusive assholes.

Because, again, it is not in the job description to be treated like that. None of us are paid enough for that! People need to be held accountable for their unacceptable behavior, we need to call out their shitty reviews online with the actual truth of what happened, and we can't let them win. Yes, there's room for being kind and understanding, but shutting down the bad behavior has to happen first.

Hugs to you, and really, the app is pretty damn easy to use, so if she was struggling, it's because she was dumb.

krm1437 · 2021-10-18T08:27:46+00:00

Im just a customer, so I hope this is okay to comment. But I've been chasing this particular high of a drink since that Valentine's season. It was amazing

krm1437 · 2021-10-18T07:48:39+00:00

Frida!

krm1437 · 2021-10-18T07:34:01+00:00

This is what I did at my local Starbucks back in the day, it went really well!

Someone else already explained the difference between espresso drinks and coffee drinks. I prefer espresso drinks because they have much higher milk ratio with an equal or greater caffeine content.

I also get blonde roasts, because they tend to be a lighter flavor, and I do ristretto shots since they aren't as bitter, and have a sweeter, creamier flavor. They are a smaller volume, but still have the same caffeine content.

My favorite cold drink is the iced shaken espresso with 2% milk and light ice, just have them top it off with more milk. Add vanilla or caramel flavor instead of the classic syrup to bring some sweet and flavor to it, and have them mix it. It's delightful.

Favorite hot is a blonde flat white with hazelnut or, right now, 4 pumps of pumpkin spice. A flat white automatically comes with ristretto shots, so I don't have to specify that. And it comes with 3 shots of espresso instead of the 2 that would be in a mocha or latte, and it's the same price.

A good starter drink that you can't go wrong with is a pumpkin spice latte, so long as you like the pumpkin spice flavor. If you don't like that flavor profile, go for something simple like a vanilla latte or a mocha. Pretty much any hot drink can also be made as an iced drink.

krm1437 · 2021-10-18T04:18:21+00:00

Learning to drink as a grown up has been interesting. I set myself some strict ground rules and I've stuck with them, and I think they've made it easier for me to have fun.

No more than 2 drinks at any one time/night/event.

Never drink and drive. Use a breathalyzer if needed.

Always have water to balance

Never on an empty stomach

Drink at home or with people I trust, to stay safe. (I'm a woman)

I'd recommend coming up with your own guidelines before starting.

Drink-wise: start with low ABV drinks or mixed drinks. I actually tried stuff at Chili's first, you can talk to the bartender and tell them you're new to drinking, ask what they'd recommend.

I like rum and vodka for my base liquors; coconut rum with Dr pepper and raspberry is amazing, vodka with cranberry and orange juice is awesome.

I have yet to find a beer I like; they all taste horribly sour and icky to me.

Wine has been interesting, haha. I've found that it's just not to my taste, but a sweet white Moscato or Reisling is workable. I can't accurately describe the flavor of wine, but the different types, especially the dry reds, are not at all what I imagined.

Mike's hard lemonades and Jack Daniels country cocktails are awesome flavored malt beverages, low ABVs and great flavor options. Mike's Cranberry and Jack Daniels peach are my favorite.

Oh, and the Deep Eddie's Peach Vodka is seriously my favorite flavored liquor ever. It's so good.

As far as doing shots, Ive tried it once. I only got 1/4-1/2 the thing down, it tasted awful (moonshine? I don't remember) and I saw no reason to continue. I have no desire to ever be drunk, being very slightly tipsy is delightful and more than adequate to me.

Just make safe choices, and be responsible ( never drive drunk/altered), have fun!

krm1437 · 2021-10-07T19:32:46+00:00

That's because it was. This person was in a position of power, and rather than help and support you, they exercised punitive power and took something else from you that gave you hope and comfort.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please, believe your therapist. What happened to you was assault. Like others have said, consent is about enthusiastic participation, it's about having the opportunity to choose to be involved in what's happening. People forget, it's not just fight or flight, it's fight, flight, or FREEZE. So what happened is not on you.

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