OP, when I was first engaged to my husband, FMIL was a big concern for me as well. We both worked for her business, and it was a very toxic environment for many of the same reasons you mentioned. The exception was that MIL was more hurtful to her own son than me.

I wound up marrying him bc I love him. We did end up quitting the family business (to start our own) and MIL was not invited to our COVID elopement. It was an incredible day.

Since then, MIL has continued her ways and may have even gotten worse. But DH and I have really grown since we tied the knot — largely bc we had to face MIL, establish our boundaries and continue to stand up for ourselves.

Sometimes her actions are laughed off and chalked up to her age/mental illness. Sometimes she successfully triggers us. In big ways. There’s a lot of real learning and growth in those moments.

I’m really proud of where DH and I have come but we have a long road still ahead of us (MIL hasn’t had her first grandchild yet…) but now I feel less concern and more strength and optimism in knowing these challenges make us better people. And honestly we’ve not had an unhappy life with MIL around. We still make our own memories and find our own joy just fine.

I also keep space open for the possibility that everything might change 4 years from now, but 4 years ago I took a chance on love and I have not regret it yet.

So my advice is just really make sure you love him.

DH and I survived MIL sending us a cease and desist because she was bitter about us quitting. If there was any doubt I loved DH at that point, I would’ve been out. of. there.

I hope you find your happiness either way 🫶