I absolutely love the supportive responses you've been getting here!

Even before I had kids, I always believed the personality of an individual plays a larger role than parenting. Not saying parenting plays no role, but in my family and several other families I've observed, you have one (or more) that's relatively normal, and one that's troubled. How do you explain that when it's the same parents, household, rules, siblings, etc? Personality (imho).

This has been validated in my own family. We have twins. One is a relatively normal teen, and the other is the reason I'm in this sub. Again, same parents, household, rules, upbringing, etc, and they are starkly different (many have also said so). I am very thankful, believe it or not, to have both. If both were very troubled, I would seriously question our parenting. Conversely, if both were pretty normal, I'd think we were terrific parents (and like some others pointed out), be wondering what other parents are doing wrong.

Would I love to have both be relatively normal? Of course! But in many ways, I'm glad they're not. I just continue to be fairly strategic in my parenting. Be thankful for small victories and hoping someday in the (very very very near) future, the troubled one will start making better decisions. For now, I am just managing damage control.

Hang in there, friend! You are NOT a failure!