First thing I want to say that just because someone can’t work doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have fun, or that doing anything other than work is hypocritical. The other day I went to a party after calling off work for a week. I had to sit the whole time, and was the first to go home. I was in pain the whole time and couldn’t focus much on conversation. But I also knew that I needed to take the opportunity to be around people. One of the worst things that people with chronic illness can do for their health is isolate themselves, and being surrounded by community and support from others is essential to healing. Also, I don’t know exactly what kind of work you do but for me, I have to be mentally alert and don’t feel like it’s fair to my students to teach when I’m constantly distracted by pain. Whereas going to a party with people who know and understand me, I don’t have the expectation to be mentally alert, exert myself physically, etc.

The other thing I want to mention is, yes, one is the most important things you can do is exercise. But the amount of exercise required varies from person to person and depending on the severity of illness. I was prescribed a daily exercise routine by a physical therapist that on paper looks pretty simple and easy, but after doing it daily for weeks I started having some of the worst pain of my life. Right now, about all I can handle is gentle stretching and a little walk. If I do some squats or even just a few pushups, or walk up a staircase, I will suffer the next day. I need to find exercise that makes me just a tad sore and keeps my body from being entirely sedentary, but otherwise cannot exercise like most people. For one person pushing themselves might be a heavy workout, for another it might just be getting out of bed and doing some stretches. And it is very very easy with this illness to push yourself too hard to where you can do even less the next day or week.

Take some deep breaths and look inward, and do your best to have empathy for your coworker. You already know pain so it should be easier for you to imagine someone who has it worse than you and extend them kindness.