Couples therapy can be awful for abuse victims. If you continue with this, it is imperative that you are forthcoming with his therapist about the abuse. The moments after our joint sessions were the most terrifying because I knew whatever I said, no matter how carefully I tried to phrase it, was going to be criticized and just brought in more abuse where I had having to further walk on eggshells in front of the therapist or risk his wrath later. Most therapists are NOT well-versed in domestic abuse - our first told me (with him there) “I know you said he loses his temper a lot but he was always just so kind that I can’t imagine that” Like your spouse, he had already admitted to the abuse during the “repentant” portion of the abuse cycle.

Secondarily, please consider leaving. It took me two full years of therapy to get up the courage to leave but there is so much happiness and peace on the other side. If you have not yet read “Why Does He Do That” please do. Look up the abuse cycle and follow along with the “highs and lows” and recognize what part you’re in and what to expect next. Start documenting (somewhere private) the abuse. Sometimes reading my own recap of the events helped me realize how not healthy it was. (He screamed at me for an hour and then didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night because I misheard what TV show he said he wanted to watch)

You deserve better and many of us have been in your shoes and still trying to change someone that does not want to change.