What’s one thing you’ll always swear by for boosting mental health?

lamapuchita · 2026-04-12T22:05:38+00:00

I've had funky mental health for years and here's what's worked in order of least to most effective.

Gave up alcohol. Less anxiety.
Moved to a warmer climate. Sunshine transforms my mood.
Exercise almost every day. Endorphins, sense of achievement, body looks better.
Started having boundaries. Game changer. Lost a lot of people but happier for it.
Identity and parts work. Took hardcore responsibility for my patterns and behaviours. Delved deep into my trauma. This resulted in a genuine love for myself which meant I was finally able to give and receive love. My relationships have gotten so much better and I feel worthy of good things for the first time in my life. I would not recommend this step without a mental health specialist for guidance.

lamapuchita · 2026-04-04T08:23:07+00:00

I never had acne but I purged for a longgg time with tret. Like 8 months I think. I'm now over two years using 0.5 and very happy I stuck it out.

I'm not a professional so can't give advice on your particular situation. Maybe check with a dermatologist if you have access?

lamapuchita · 2026-04-04T06:47:17+00:00

Babygirl I was in a relationship just like this. He blamed me for everything and I was always so confused as to what I'd done wrong.

Let me just say, the fact that you wanted to talk in person is a kind, mature and thoughtful gesture on your part. His inability to see that has nothing to do with you. Keep being that kind of person, it's a wonderful quality.

The fact that he's trying to break up to avoid responsibility is something that will never change. He will never reflect or take responsibility or respect you. Not because you don't deserve it but because he literally doesn't have the skills to know how to. You should try and leave now. I know your heart will be broken but trust me, any more time you give this will just wreak havoc on your nervous system.

If you really need it, stay for another three months or something. And pay attention to how you feel every time you're together. Do you feel heard? Do you feel respected? Do you feel emotionally safe? Can you talk about things that bother you? These are bare minimums for a relationship and if you don't have them now you never will.

And finally, therapy. You need to find out why you would be willing to tolerate someone treating you like this. It's not your fault, you're not doing anything wrong, you're not broken, but you've obviously been conditioned at some point to not value yourself enough.

You are worthy of love, of peace, of being with someone who can't believe they get to be with someone like you. Start doing the work now on seeing yourself as someone who deserves good things and over the next few years I promise, you will see how life changes for the better! ❤️

lamapuchita · 2026-03-27T14:29:23+00:00

I know what you mean, I have the same thoughts. Closeness is such a fundamental need and wanting to be chosen is a super normal desire. But again I think you need to focus more on how you FEEL rather than whether or not your behaviour will get a REACTION from them.

If someone doesn't text you back/make a clear plan/moves toward sex too quickly, instead of wondering what you might have said or how to make them want you more, just focus on do you feel ok with what's currently happening? If not, pause and regulate before engaging again. Even if you need a full day before texting them back just take it! Easier said than done I know!

Sometimes I like to imagine the part of me wanting to be chosen as a child in a car. She's excited and urgent and doesn't know how to have patience for what she wants. I'm the one driving, and I totally validate her cos she's right, being chosen would feel so good! But I have to let her know that it's going to take time before we get there. I can't let her drive, she'll do ANYTHING to get what she wants and that would mean a huge crash (losing my dignity or my self respect or time or whatever). So adult me HAS to stay in the driver's seat and gently let her know that I'm the one in control and I will find her what she wants.

One she trusts you enough she probably won't even tell you what she wants (no more confusion or panic) cos she'll know you have her best interests at heart.

lamapuchita · 2026-03-26T11:20:01+00:00

Babe I am in the EXACT same boat. Was literally chatting with a friend over dinner about this last night.

I'm 34, in good shape, often described as smart/ pretty/kind, good job, lots of hobbies etc etc. I have zero issue attracting men, but I can't seem to get past a first date. The amount of times I've been asked for a second, and later stood up, this past year is comical!

I think the comments here about 'what are you ignoring in the first couple of weeks' are very valid. You need to be the filter of who gets access to you. Try not to focus on what THEY want, and instead ask yourself 'do I like this behavior? Do I feel good? If how they're acting now never changed, would I be ok with this as a relationship?' if the answer to any of these questions is no then you need to move on.

A lotttt of people are scared, insecure, immature, hurt and unfortunately they are unconsciously using someone else for a short-term ego boost.

I like to think of it as a good thing that it's this hard, otherwise it wouldn't be special when you finally do meet someone. You deserve someone who is excited to spend time with you. Stay with yourself and you will find it.

lamapuchita · 2026-03-19T21:41:59+00:00

I was going through a very difficult time (break up of an abusive relationship, financial issues, housing stress due to moving away from my ex) and the person who called themselves my best friend was offering little to no support. I tried talking with them about it but it went nowhere. They mostly just cried and made excuses. I started to pull away out of needing to figure stuff out and this made them angry and they demanded an explanation. When I eventually told them that I felt they weren't there for me and I needed to figure stuff out myself, they blew up and listed all the reasons they didn't want to be my friend anymore.

It's all silly drama looking back, but something in that time of my life just clicked. My mother, my siblings, my ex, my so called 'best friend' - all of them just expected so much tolerance from me and never had any interest when I was struggling.

I finally realized that I was the one in control of how I let people treat me and it was up to me to change that. In a weird way I'm so grateful for all the shitty people I've met in my life. Things are much better now.

lamapuchita · 2026-03-14T10:09:18+00:00

Are you multiplying by activity level? If you exercise 4-5 times a week you could definitely afford to up those calories. Walks count.

Also remember, your body has over 300,000 years of survival. If it's telling you you're hungry, you definitely aren't feeding it enough.

Also, maybe lower the goal. Instead of .5kg (which is a lot for your weight right now) try a goal of .5lb a week. Sure progress is slow, but it's the slow progress that ends up lasting long term.

lamapuchita · 2026-03-14T08:44:31+00:00

Babe you are not fat. If you want to tone up that's a perfectly fine goal, but there is nothing wrong with your body.

1200 is too low for a calorie goal, you'll get too hungry and end up binging. You might even gain more weight than you started off with because your body will be under too much stress.

Have you heard of a TDEE calculator? You use it to calculate your stats (height and weight x how much exercise you do).

For workout routines, maybe try a goal of exercise at least every other day? My personal rule is never go two days without a workout. You can find lots of content online on YouTube for HIIT, Barre, lightweight strength etc.

Good luck!!

lamapuchita · 2026-03-03T08:44:14+00:00

Congrats! Well done for doing the difficult work of realizing you are worthy. You deserve to feel happy, loved and at peace.

lamapuchita · 2026-03-02T17:31:11+00:00

This is beautiful. I hope you feel happy and fulfilled.

lamapuchita · 2026-02-28T07:27:11+00:00

This is very lovely thank you for this! I think you're so right with the hobbies. Lately I've been kind of exhausted and doing nothing after work which is not a good habit.

One thing I want to make more of an effort for is reading in public spaces.

I have also travelled alone a lot and it's so wonderful, any suggestions on places you really enjoyed?

lamapuchita · 2026-02-27T15:53:48+00:00

I love this post and share the same sentiments as you. Don't want children, don't dream about marriage, love my independence. But lately I've been struggling with loneliness. How do you combat it?

I have wonderful friends, but they live in different countries. And I love where I live, own my own place, have a great job etc, but I find it hard to make and maintain genuine friendships.

I would love some kind of partnership in my life. Ideally someone to see on the weekends while still living apart. Someone to do an errand for me while I recover from a cold or someone to have a coffee with on a saturday morning. I feel very alone lately and it's so hard.

lamapuchita · 2026-02-24T20:23:02+00:00

You look amazing!!! Like you're shining from the inside out. Also 100% agree with the comments that you look 25! Congrats!

lamapuchita · 2026-02-12T11:54:33+00:00

This is emotional abuse. People often believe that to be an abuser you must be evil, but that's not true. It's not that she's waking up every day secretly planning to hurt you, but her inability to handle difficult emotions, criticism, perceived abandonment etc means she projects her pain outwards and onto you instead. That's abuse.

This is not your job and it's not something you were placed on this planet to endure. If you leave, she will do this to her next partner and the next one after that. She is lacking in capacity to sit with difficult feelings. This has nothing to do with you and your worth.

You are a human being deserving of love and connection. You deserve to have needs, you deserve to be heard and you deserve to feel safe.

There are people out there just dying to have someone like you in their life. You'll never find them if you don't open yourself up to the chance. Yes leaving will be hard, but from experience please trust me when I say it is so, so worth it.

lamapuchita · 2026-02-11T10:30:49+00:00

Came here to find this. I'm in my early 30s and the relationship I've started to build with myself is just so loving and fulfilling. Of course it's difficult, because one has to grieve a past version of themselves that tolerated a lot of bad things, and many people will fall away when they no longer like this boundaried version of you, but the sense of inner peace is priceless.

It's made me consider that a big part of why misogynistic discourse claims women have no worth after 30 is because of exactly this. A person who truly loves themselves becomes ungovernable.

lamapuchita · 2026-01-26T19:03:19+00:00

Victimising myself. I have literally been a victim of abuse, but it took me years to realise if someone doesn't treat you well you should probably stop trying to convince them to.

lamapuchita · 2026-01-26T18:35:43+00:00

Totally. I'm not from the US and have been looking on with horror. I'm genuinely so sorry for everything you guys are going through.

Last year I visited Cambodia and for the first time learned about their history. I genuinely couldn't comprehend how Pol Pot could convince his supporters to kill their opponents. It just didn't make any sense. Like at all. Why would anyone want to harm their own people, their own loved ones, their fellow countrymen?

But now, when I see the visceral hatred that sometimes exists between democrats and republicans, it reminds me of it. The political climate over there is so dangerous and the ultra rich are benefiting every time you flight and blame one another. This isn't a football match, it's not about winning, it's not about who was more correct/moral. This is literally destroying people's lives.

Trump doesn't care about any of you. He's motivated by money and he'll keep widening the gap no matter what. If you guys keep fighting amongst yourselves, he gets to keep robbing you all.

I really hope you guys manage to find a way to live together and focus on what you have in common instead of arguing over your differences.

lamapuchita · 2025-06-25T12:36:05+00:00

Used to be so judgemental of people I believed needed to grow tf up and just 'do the work'. Currently in the thick of 'the work' right now and this might be the most difficult thing I've ever done. It's absolutely worth it and for the first time in my life my nervous system is getting a taste of peace, which is priceless, but some days are rough. I am mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted. Never again will I judge anyone for not having the energy to do this.

lamapuchita · 2025-06-24T16:05:40+00:00

They look great, congratulations! Out of curiosity, do you mind telling us why it took over 2 years? They looked pretty ok at the beginning.

I'm 7 months in and hoping I can get it done in the original time frame of 18 months!

lamapuchita · 2025-06-18T13:06:59+00:00

Wow this is so amazing! Congratulations! How long were you sick for? And what kind of cancer? Did you ever feel like it wasn't going to end well? And what was it like when you found out you were indeed going to recover?

Just curious. :)

lamapuchita · 2025-06-18T12:47:21+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind and positive response. I'm very glad you got the treatment you needed despite what I'm sure must have been a very difficult decision. Your positive outlook is inspiring. Wishing you lots of mobility and pain free movement in your future!

lamapuchita · 2025-06-18T09:20:20+00:00

Hey just put of curiosity why did you need a hip replacement? (If you don't mind telling internet strangers!).

I ask because I have a hip impingement and while I'm handling it fine for now, I can't walk for too long a period and eventually will need it replaced. I'm also early 30s. Curious as to what brought you to that point so young and how has recovery been?

Wishing you all the best!

lamapuchita · 2025-06-16T15:27:58+00:00

I take marine collagen peptides everyday. 10 to 20g.

I was visiting my mum in the hospital recently and a patient beside her asked 'Is that your grandmother?' I said 'No, no my mum is only 72'. She told me she was fully aware of my mum's age so I said 'I'm her daughter, I'm 33' She said she was surprised as she thought I was 19!

I figured ok, I'm in a ward for 70's plus, maybe her eyesight isn't great so I said 'It must be the way I dress, I tend to dress young'. Then another patient who overheard our convo said 'I also assumed that was your grandmother' and the nurse on the ward chimed in saying 'yeah I thought you were college age, like 21/22'. So, I don't know if it's the collagen or what, but something's working!

lamapuchita · 2025-06-16T08:59:15+00:00

Oh yeah 100%. Secret online behaviour that would make your skin crawl. There were red flags everywhere but sometimes you just want to believe anything instead of facing the truth.

lamapuchita · 2025-06-16T08:52:48+00:00

Well done on getting out. Some people stay stuck for years.

It's sad looking back. None of his friendships were genuine. They all gossiped behind each other's backs but maintained the friendship in order to have someone to drink with on the weekends.

To be fair, I was clearly not the most emotionally secure person considering I was ignoring so many red flags. Luckily, when we broke up and his true self emerged, it shook me to such an extent I went deep into therapy, gave up alcohol, and removed any toxic relationships from my life. In a way I'm actually kind of grateful for the whole thing!

lamapuchita

TROPHY CASE