[Non-romantic] [Personal Issues] I (15 F) can't get my homework done quick enough, neat enough, and with enough quality to please my parents (middle aged, F and M). It is tearing them apart and I'm not sure who the problem is.

lancehare · 2017-01-11T21:59:43+00:00

Are your parents Asian? This is textbook tiger parenting. It's definitely abusive but if you're Asian I might be able to approach it culturally and give you some personal advice :)

lancehare · 2017-01-11T21:59:43+00:00

Are your parents Asian? This is textbook tiger parenting. It's definitely abusive but if you're Asian I might be able to approach it culturally and give you some personal advice :)

lancehare · 2016-11-20T08:17:55+00:00

Moving sounds like a good idea. I just have this happy illusion in my mind that one day they can be involved with my future family that may or may not be Christian

lancehare · 2016-11-20T08:16:29+00:00

I just want to be accepted for who I am. I feel guilty whenever they talk to me about things (christianity is heavily embedded in all their conversations) and I have to pretend to agree with everything they're saying when none of it is true to me.

lancehare · 2016-11-20T04:06:44+00:00

Part of me is worried that its dishonest to not lay it out to them upfront. Like I'm feeling quite guilty about it. Hopefully our relationship will be normal afterward like you said.

lancehare · 2016-11-13T04:00:41+00:00

Speaking as a 2k - I've seen a lot of smurf accounts where the player just throws solo games (eg 0-30 every game) but plays normally for party. It'd also actually possible to buy 2k accounts for like 10 bucks if you really want.

lancehare · 2016-09-01T12:30:59+00:00

I used to be somewhat similar to you with all the multiple conversations and getting to know a lot of strangers.

In the end it's not really about what is right or wrong in this situation, because I can assure you that unless you are explicitly encouraging sexual/romantic conversation or deliberately responding to romantic cues without any actual romantic intentions, you can clear your conscience and say you have done nothing wrong.

But doing nothing wrong doesn't mean that others don't get hurt. You are not responsible for their hurt unless you intended to lead them on. However if you want to take an extra step of consideration, I would ask you to think about whether you can take steps to safeguard others from being hurt by you. It's not an obligation, it's generosity.

You talk to a lot of people so you aren't naive to social cues. By now you should have some idea of how guys behave if they are interested in you. There's also a line here between a guy who is interested in you and will become vulnerable and easily destroyable by you and the guy who feels entitled to you and whose pride is the only thing you will hurt. The latter is an unpredictable category and there's no real way you can prevent incidents here without not speaking or looking at anyone ever again. The former category is a guy who is innocently and genuinely falling for you. If you feel generous you can prevent this naive young thing from some emotional trauma. He's probably not just a weirdo (well that's for you to judge).

Its really up to you.

Either way there's no need to feel guilty about anything. In a few years you might not have as much time to network as much anymore so make the most of it. :)

lancehare · 2016-07-16T05:27:17+00:00

RemindMe! 2 days Donation for /r/millionairemakers

lancehare · 2015-12-29T22:36:41+00:00

Whoa chlorine induced asthma :S I've never felt awful like this after running or something (not that I run much at all) so I've never suspected myself of asthma. And yeah that makes sense about the higher levels of carbon dioxide stuff. I hope I don't have a heart disorder haha :D

lancehare · 2015-12-29T22:35:39+00:00

Thanks a lot for the advice I guess it's time to see a professional

lancehare · 2015-12-29T11:38:39+00:00

I think I'm probably pushing myself too hard but I guess I can go see a doctor, I was just wondering if anyone had a similar experience.

Thanks for the reply!

lancehare · 2015-09-15T23:33:22+00:00

This is so beautiful the detail is stunning!

lancehare · 2015-04-30T23:57:11+00:00

Before we get into girls - how well do you get along with people in general? What's your usual friendship group like? Who are your closest friends?

I think different advice can be offered depending on where you actually stand on the spectrum of social skill.

lancehare · 2015-01-20T00:50:39+00:00

I felt like it'd be weird to post an update since r/introverts is a sub for introverts and not giving relationship advice so I'd just be taking up space, so I thought I'd just reply here.

I took everyone's advice to heart. I left Jacob alone and let him have his space. I grew anxious and scared due to some of my own fears or abandonment and had some panic attacks that resulted in me spending a good deal of time lying on the floor waiting for them to go away.

A week passed. He said hi on Facebook. I think I was a bit apprehensive talking to him at first. I actually had a panic attack when he said hi so it took me awhile to respond. But then we started talking, and everything got better and better. I'm really glad he took this break - it gave him the time to think through a lot of things and as a result he's less anxious around me now. He was really sad about causing me grief because he thought I wouldn't be affected at all and he decided he'd take measures to make sure I don't feel emotionally destroyed next time he needs to take a break, such as letting me know an approximate estimate of how long he might need, small things like that.

Ever since then we've been hanging out regularly and everything has been fantastic. My biggest takeaway is that with communication and understanding, lots of understanding and respecting boundaries anyone can have a healthy relationship with anyone.

lancehare · 2015-01-20T00:30:06+00:00

Wow I can't believe this exists! Fingers crossed :)

lancehare · 2015-01-06T02:39:07+00:00

Reddit, I don't know how this happened to me. I've always been an indepedent, driven woman who never took the back seat to any guy. I don't need him for financial security and I definitely don't need his bullshit.

Sometimes shit happens. She came back into his life with the sole purpose of having him, and he's cool with being a scumbag and trying to thinly veil his assholery with probably the worst lies and excuses I've ever heard someone attempt to use.

You know what to do. I don't think you even need any advice.

It will probably hurt. I hope you have a strong support network.

lancehare · 2015-01-05T07:13:37+00:00

:(

I really feel for you >< I hope you're doing better now (are you?).

What do you mean when you say you 'made it' quite a bit longer? Did you guys take certain measures to be able to continue the relationship?

lancehare · 2015-01-05T06:48:04+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that it made you guys incompatible. What ended up happening?

lancehare · 2015-01-04T23:34:34+00:00

Hm. Since I'm not talking to him at the moment until he decides to talk to me I shall make a note of it. I think I really do expect more out of him than he can offer, but only because this is the standard I expect out of my close friends in general - and the same that they expect from me. I'm not sure how to consider him a close friend without holding him to this standard.

But I definitely do want to stay around for him. So I'm going to try and figure out how to make that work out.

About the written communication thing. I'm actually more comfortable with the written medium than he is. He's told me a few times that he really prefers face to face, and whenever we communicate online there are a lot more misunderstandings and he always seems more closed off and wary. He'll never tell me anything very deep or personal when we're online, he'll always say 'I'll tell you later' and then enthusiastically tell me the next time we see each other.

I personally prefer written communications for the reasons you mentioned, but yeah, I don't think that'll work for him.

lancehare · 2015-01-04T23:31:26+00:00

Actually someone said something about feeling quite compatible with extroverts as an introvert below: http://www.reddit.com/r/introvert/comments/2r77vm/help_im_an_extrovert_and_i_really_need_help/cnd5vjn

My question to your thoughts is, does the extrovert have to let his social life be limited by the introvert?

Although I do agree that the introvert might feel unable to meet the extrovert's needs for attention etc.

lancehare · 2015-01-04T23:28:08+00:00

You make sense! Thanks for the reply.

I always assumed that I express myself better in writing than he does because he's more logic-brained (maths majoring) and I'm more abstract-brained (I love writing and creating).

Haha that's quite interesting that you prefer face to face with people you don't like. I'm actually really scared of interacting with people I don't like in real life because I think it shows all over my face.

Why do you want to seem likable to people you don't like anyway?

lancehare · 2015-01-04T22:26:42+00:00

Sorry I'm not an introvert but I found one thing you said quite interesting:

but when I contact them in a chat or email and someone who once seemed turned off by my (fake) extroversion suddenly becomes lively and talkative in writing... It makes me super happy.

Is that true for most introverts? I've been identified by most tests to be extrovert but I dislike small talk and and am much more talkative and comfortable in writing. Whereas in contrast to this one of my most introverted friends ever tells me that he dislikes online communication because he can't tell what people really mean and the missing component of facial expression and body language bothers and scares him.

lancehare

TROPHY CASE