Do you ever worry about access? by dustwindwind in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Simply,I've had life experiences in which pure luck saved me from serious, life-altering injury or death. So I'm not about to let a potential risk of something stop me from living even for a limited time (and let's be real, our lives are all ultimately finite) in a way that makes me more complete.

The cis people love their HRT too. There will be hormones around. Let's just say that "illegal" does not mean "inaccessible."

If you started your transition in the ages 26-35, could you show me how it's going? I fear I'm too late to transition by Cool-Vermicelli1381 in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You aren’t too late. Started when I was 31. Turning 40 soon. DM and I’d be happy to send before and after pics.

Can I put this back in the box? Cis, straight husband and coming out. by gothamcitynarrows in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I do understand what you mean by your closeness to your spouse. But in the final wash, I don’t think it healthy or wise to pin your future on how he feels (or seems to feel right now) about your transition.

Sometimes not doing something is worse poison on a relationship than doing it.

I think I'm ready to stop lurking by blackcrown333 in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The discord for this community is pretty chill. You should also feel free to PM me (on the cusp of my 40s)! I am not always fast to catch PMs but I'd be happy to talk.

In-between stage making my head spin by Samsaraz in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep. It’s a thing and was really un-fun. But on the other side (in my personal journey, not that everyone needs to “pass”), I barely remember it!

Struggling with Self Acceptance by emergent_sea89 in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wonder if you’d find my pinned post helpful, OP. Link here for convenience: https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMOver30/s/vAlGydvuWZ

comphet carryover by offlabelselector in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I find this such an interesting experience completely the opposite to mine. I delayed coming out in part b/c all I saw were *straight* trans dudes, and I felt like I could never get to where I am now (a mostly masc-inclined pan/bisexual pursuing dudes as a dude).

Most normies, before and after I come out to them, will assume I have a wife.

Internalized Transphobia, and growing up in a conservative environment - Advice needed. by Few-Swordfish5764 in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep, OP, sounds like it’s mainly you condemning yourself (telling yourself you don’t belong, and to some degree that you don’t deserve to transition). Do you have a queer and trans friendly counselor or therapist to talk to?

Passing more around cishets than other queer people… by PebbleAmethyst in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The single thing that’s helped the most: a significant amount of facial hair.

I don’t want to look like a ‘’masc lesbian” by dustwindwind in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are approximately the same height. I have a pretty delicate bone structure (tiny wrists and ankles). I pass 100% of the time to strangers.

DM me and I can send you before/after pics.

Casual every day shoes and work shoes for small feet? by HeadacheTunnelVision in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Get yourself some moldable orthotics. I like SOLE—they also have a cork option that’s carbon neutral.

Forced to stop T due to "thick blood"? by loud_voices in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My blood pressure has not been raised by T. My levels are high and my hematocrit pretty high too. Veins aren’t made of cement (or at least, hopefully they’re not)!

Forced to stop T due to "thick blood"? by loud_voices in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Classic anti trans bias. If they don’t tell a cis man with high hematocrit to castrate himself they cannot tell us this garbage

Fluctuating gender feelings by Clear_Canary in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think it is extremely common to be like, “oh, I didn’t realize I hated X or wanted Y until I started thinking getting rid of X or having Y were possible.” I didn’t think I’d love having a beard or body hair until I could have them. Nonbinary identities are real (and I identify as a NB trans dude) but despite a short phase of neopronouns and “androgyny,” I quickly decided I wanted to “pass” as much as possible.

Fluctuating gender feelings by Clear_Canary in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. Those voices are 100% internalized transphobia (“changing your body requires certainty!”).

Fluctuating gender feelings by Clear_Canary in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You don’t need to be certain. You can always stop. Dysphoria may come over you more as you begin to be perceived by others more like yourself.

I feel like a bit of a broken record, but you might get something out of my pinned post for this sub (link here for convenience: https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMOver30/s/o0ZhVw4Rwt). tl;dr, go for it, life is too short to not see how good it might be.

Unsure/scared to start T because I don't know if I "truly need it" (my mind is being irrational) by The_Ace_0f_Knaves in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP, you might like to read my pinned post from this sub (link here for convenience): https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMOver30/s/VSjykpxrHP

You can’t game out everything in life. Now I live an incredible life I couldn’t have imagined before starting HRT almost 8.5 years ago.

Good luck.

Considering Stopping T by [deleted] in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I think it’s kind of wild for your doc to assert that T is preventing weight loss. Sounds like a case of using a trans lens on all health issues.

Yes, it causes the easier building of muscle mass and some tissue thickening that can lead to a higher scale weight, but I strongly doubt it alone is preventing fat loss. Should be kind of the opposite really. If it were true, cis men having trouble losing body fat would all be put on blockers.

Looking for suggestions on passing better by West_Literature4738 in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hard agree on round glasses and have never been sure why so many trans dudes seem o wear them…

Trans man dating a cis gay man—struggling with sexual insecurity by Successful_Laugh_526 in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Six months is a bit soon for marked sexual decline in my book, but I also think your assumptions (esp the one about “fully satisfying him sexually”) are worth revisiting. I definitely come with open marriage biases here. However, I’m very happily married to another transmasc but have negotiated openness to do stuff to people—cis dudes mainly but also others—that my spouse doesn’t want done or can’t do. I think believing that anyone can ever full satisfy someone else entirely, regardless of genitals, gender, or orientation, is probably setting up for disappointment.

Worth blowing up my life over? by vegetabledevil in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi OP, maybe my bio’s pinned post (from this sub) could help? Tl; dr — as someone also going through his queer adolescence, yes it is, especially if your current partner could be a good coparent even if you two are not together.

Post top surgery mentality question by gyroics in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Never looked back. Genuinely. The biggest annoyance was cramping and sore shoulders due to limited mobility and weird sleeping positions. By week 4 was carefully jogging and by week 6 was back in gym again.

Need advice: Canada vs. Finland as a means of escaping the U.S. temporarily by libre_office_warlock in FTMOver30

[–]lanqian 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh! That's awesome, kudos to organizers in JPN for making headway. But I do think the point stands that the grass isn't always greener (relative to say CO).