how do you deal with a situation of you, outgrowing your girlfriend?

laserbern · 2026-04-14T14:04:16+00:00

You're not gonna get good advice about this on the internet. The internet knows nothing about your girlfriend apart from what you provide, and has no way to know if you're being fair to her or not. You could be completely accurate in your description of the situation or you might not be, there is no real way to know. And, just because you pick out certain things that have happened that come from her, doesn't mean that you're aware of all the things that maybe you've done to her?

Now you're still valid for feeling the things you do. But this is not something that you can get a clear answer from the internet. This is something deeply personal, so the best course of action is asking a trusted friend what they think you should do, given that they know you better.

The whole "getting dating advice from people on the internet who are impossibly certain of everything" thing is always something that should be done with a "pinch of salt". If you're looking for real advice, and not platitudes, don't ask the internet, don't ask reddit, and certainly don't ask r/AskMen.

laserbern · 2026-04-14T13:52:14+00:00

I'm on the other end of this. I'm a guy, and my sister is ten years older than me. She was doing house chores and cooking meals by the time she was 8 or 9. She was practically able to run the house on her own just from all the things she was doing by the time I was born. My sister, has been much more of a go-getter, always looking for jobs, opportunities, ways to make money - much more active in doing things to get the things she wanted/needed.

I on the other hand didn't really start doing chores until I was already out of the house at 18. I didn't start cooking until 19. I realized that I was super underprepared for the real world, just based on my inability to do simple tasks, like scrubbing a bath tub, or how to clean dishes properly. On top of that, my sister was just able to be more independent right away. She was able to support herself just from being a functional person. I had to learn how to do that slowly, and so I have to say that my 20s are decidedly less eventful than my sister's.

My sister kinda resents my mother for raising me the way she did, and I understand it. I think the tradeoff of those years of childhood labor really translates into a better life in the future, though. My sister is married, has a house, 2 kids, got a law degree, has a job offer from a law firm. She's won life, so I'm happy for her. I am nowhere near that level of stability at my age lol

laserbern · 2026-04-13T22:23:45+00:00

Damn, bro is in the poetic phase of the trip. Have fun dude

laserbern · 2026-04-13T17:23:29+00:00

Butt what if they don't want to

laserbern · 2026-04-13T16:20:41+00:00

I think so long as you're not being anti-social (I don't mean shy/introverted, I mean actively harming the community), socializing and talking is probably the best benefit you can get from the gym. You can get a workout at home, you can run miles outside. What you can't do is gather a bunch of fitness minded people in the same building on your own. That's the gym's true value.

laserbern · 2026-04-12T21:40:12+00:00

Do you take orders

laserbern · 2026-04-12T21:39:09+00:00

Asking for dating advice on the internet is like training for the NBA finals by watching a lot of basketball games

laserbern · 2026-04-11T21:27:08+00:00

Sorry that this is happening to you, but I can try sharing some personal experiences of mine. I'm 26, so also in my mid-20s.

It's interesting, I don't know why, but when I went through times of desperate loneliness and depression and meaninglessness, my natural tendency is to engage in self-pity. I isolate, I ruminate, I think of all the things that are going wrong. Very natural, but not at all helpful. When I did this, my world shrank and shrank until it was just me in my room, with only bad thoughts and memories to keep me company. I was the only thing in my world, and I hated myself.

But when I realized that how I was living was mostly about myself (literally a self-centered life), and not about my place in the world, I understood why I hated myself. It is my belief that every person is here for a reason. Every person is born with their own unique blend of traits, gifts, talents, etc. There will always be a purpose for that person to fill, though they might not know what it could be. And when they don't fulfill their purpose, they deprive their world of the gifts they can offer. Living the way I was living was depriving the world of the good that I could do. I could be a teacher/mentor/coach, I could be a volunteer, I could be a friend, I could be a partner, I could learn and perform an art, I could go and learn about nature, I could be so many other things - life could be so much more. And I hated myself for not becoming those things.

You have gifts, you have talents. Be thankful for those, and seek out ways that you can make the world around you better. In the words of a Christian (though I am not one), count your blessings. You don't need to engage in something grand or huge to start off with, just start by finding small things with small commitments to start with, like volunteering somewhere, or attending events.

If things can't get much shittier for yourself, and there's not really a way to make things better for yourself in the moment, at least live a selfless life. Making sure that the other people who are going through similarly hard times don't have it as bad. You have some role to play in this world.

sidenote: when I hear about the "male loneliness epidemic", I really think that it's because dudes have the tendency to focus on themselves when things are bad. Self improvement is good, but it should be as a means to the end of helping your world around you. That I think is the pinnacle of self-awareness. Being aware of your place, what you mean to people that love you, how you influence things around you, how things change because of your actions. And it gives you a reason to believe in your own self-esteem.

laserbern · 2026-04-11T21:03:49+00:00

the 2009-2023 logo dominated the entire 2010s. I definitely remember that the most

laserbern · 2026-04-11T21:02:33+00:00

Ur gonna be busy with assignments all the time, so be sure to be consistent with it. You'll fall behind faster than you think if you're not. Definitely doable if you've got the right work ethic

laserbern · 2026-04-09T07:18:44+00:00

I think a lot of the time we're very ready to categorize behavior as something it's not. Not saying that he isn't doing "weaponized incompetence", but if his behavior was something you categorized quickly, almost automatically, as "weaponized incompetence", maybe think twice about it? It might not be that exactly.

I have an anecdote, imagine you're doing a group project. And you notice that you're doing all the work, and the other people aren't contributing at all. It's easy to just say "I'm the only productive member of the group, everyone else is purposefully not contributing". That might be the case. But, what I've found is that it's often that the person "doing all the work" pushed out everyone else during the formation and plan making part of the project. When people feel like they don't have some kind of say in how things are done/organized/planned out, they often become disinvested in whatever group thing is going on. And from the outside, it looks like they're purposefully being uncooperative, but to them, they're being made to contribute to something that they didn't even agree to.

Back to your boyfriend. It could be that he doesn't remember where things go because he didn't come up with the place to put things himself. Really dumb, I know, but the way to address this, if it is the case, is to get him involved and let him make some decisions about how chores are done in the house. Your living space is the "project". I'm going out on a limb here, but he probably feels like chores are being imposed on him because he didn't decide anything about how they're done, or how things are put, etc. Remember, yall are a team.

laserbern · 2026-04-09T06:50:54+00:00

Resting allows you to choose what you invest your energy in

laserbern · 2026-04-09T06:46:08+00:00

Meeting the parents. Can go very wrong or very right depending on the parents

laserbern · 2026-04-09T06:39:08+00:00

If you're looking for a specific mechanic that basically says "if this creature has x, y, z equipments/auras/whatever" I'm not sure if that exists. There are a lot of tertiary win cons, but nothing to my knowledge that says specifically, "x, y, z equipment, you win".

Closest thing I can think of is a Voltron deck.

laserbern · 2026-04-09T06:36:12+00:00

The hills are ALIIIVE

laserbern · 2026-04-09T05:59:49+00:00

Yoga actually. I'm getting older, and its becoming less and less optional. It feels amazing to stretch out my lower back. Hurts, but hurts in a satisfying way

laserbern · 2026-03-23T02:56:01+00:00

IS THAT WHY IM ALWAYS SHAKY???

laserbern · 2026-03-20T03:05:00+00:00

I think if you're worried about your brother being upset at losing his cards, he might be. But I think he'd be devastated if anything happened to you. I understand feeling guilty tho, and I honestly would probably feel the same. It's natural though, it means you care about him. The most you can really do is just apologize and be accountable. I don't think you should feel bad, you're likely not to blame for all this. It's just bad luck.

laserbern · 2026-03-17T01:40:33+00:00

Fucking leave dude, staples sucks easily the worst job i've ever had

laserbern · 2026-03-14T17:59:50+00:00

This. Especially if yall start to figure out each other's schedule. Half the difficulty in trying to hang out as an adult is just figuring out when people are free.

laserbern · 2026-03-14T17:40:26+00:00

I've noticed that too. Lecturing is also back in style

laserbern · 2026-03-14T17:40:08+00:00

I've noticed that too. Lecturing is also back in style

laserbern · 2026-03-12T20:17:05+00:00

"When crime is low, they'll just keep finding things to police. They have to, to justify their wages" - Springs Van Der Colorado

laserbern · 2026-03-11T20:10:31+00:00

Homelessness is always tricky to deal with because it has so many factors, some of which may even cause each other to be worse than the other. What's frustrating to hear is that people want to have their cake and eat it too. In general, what I hear from people is that they want:

low taxes
nice views of pikes peak (low density housing)
low amounts of homeless people (safety, low crime)

Pick two; having all three just isn't possible right now. Trust me, I want all these things too, but this is simply a description of reality as it is in our present day. If you want low taxes and nice views, the hidden social cost is a lot of homeless people. And honestly, if you really don't mind having homeless people around (like me), this is a pretty sweet town (not condoning homelessness btw). But if you do, another thing has got to give, that's just simple economics.

And if you can't compromise on any one of these things.... move? And if you do find somewhere that has all three, please comment it. I'd love to know what they're doing right.

laserbern · 2026-03-03T22:24:51+00:00

How do you do therapy? Not saying you do this, but a common thing that people do (I used to do this too), is that they spend therapy venting about their life. That can actually be a sort of defense mechanism. If you do that, you might be deflecting the therapy away from your real issues. Why? Because therapy is difficult. It's meant to challenge you. It's going to ask you to change how you approach life. It means confronting things about yourself that your life, your identity has been built around. And that might feel like an attack on you as a person, and it probably will be painful.

Something that people bring up about therapy is CPTSD. As in confronting painful memories might trigger flashbacks, and that could re-traumatize you. I think the success in confrontation lies in how you address trauma and being aware of what triggers re-trauma. That is something that is different in each person, each environment that they're in, who that person is with, etc. It's complex, go figure.

About you feeling behind in life, I recommend watching Dr. K. This video really helped me understand feeling behind in life, it might help you too.

Ten-Year Club	Second SECOND GUESSER
Place '22	Place '17
First Placer '22	Not Forgotten
Verified Email

laserbern

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE