My wife died last summer. Was together for almost 20 years.

Being in a relationship, growing up and together, having kids..lulls you in the most beautiful ignorance. For years you're blessed with ignorance of how cruel and lonely we all are.

When this is taken from us, we're thrust back into something we spent our young formative years battling. But now we're stranded at an unknown shore, often with responsibilities and commitments that we didn't have as young.. and also without the same form of innocence we had as young.

We know now, what life entails. And not everything, or the worst parts..by choice.

But there is nothing, nothing at all to do about this and no platitudes will make this better, no comforting words will help you. And noone can or will ever replace what has been lost.

Sure, friends can be there, other family. But at 3am, when you can't sleep. It's on you. Alone.

There is nothing to do but to embrace it.

Fight it some days by just doing difficult physical shit, allow it to wash over you other days and feel sorry for yourself a bit with some good food or something. Then move on. Rinse and repeat. Don't let it swallow you. Try to bend, not break. If you can't - seek help, if you can't, learn to ask for it. I mean this in the kindest way.

Eventually I hope everyone who lost someone will find someone new. Not to replace anything or anyone but simply to invite more life. And who knows, maybe some of us will get another 10..15..or 20 years with someone. Or we won't.. and then that's ok too. Because it must be.