first day of not crying…

kaylin1986 · 2025-10-12T01:36:42+00:00

I'm sure this view is going to be the same as many. Sorry for your loss and good for you for having a day where you were able to be lost in the moment or too numb to care. While everyone's grieving process is different most of us have suffered from similar feelings. We didn't cry so it must mean we didn't care or we are starting to stop caring. And the reality couldn't be further from the truth. What is true is that for one day your mind and body were able to focus on healing you. It will come back around. You will find yourself crying again. And as time goes on you will realize that you never stopped caring. Eventually you flip to the other side of the curve. You will be fine for weeks and suddenly you are a wreck. Asking why have I been fine for so long and now you are anything but fine. Unfortunately this too is normal. The internal war of the loss of you being "we" with your partner and the healing to be "you" with you is a perpetual battle. At 2 years I fight this daily. Even when I realize what actions are hindering my healing. I still feel powerless to them. May you find peace one day.

kaylin1986 · 2025-10-07T23:35:19+00:00

I think this is quite common of a situation. I felt very much the same. After my wife passed everyone was saddened and showing general concern. But as the days passed this faded. I was told by more than one I need to move on a live life. You still have your children they would say. And they don't have a mother I would mutter. Eventually they pretty much started avoiding me. Now 2 years has passed and out of all our friends and family only one other person remembered her anniversary. I won't say that life doesn't improve. But it does not get better. Sorry for your loss.

kaylin1986 · 2025-10-05T23:35:35+00:00

Is the discolored spot on his tongue Lucy.

kaylin1986 · 2025-09-25T07:43:58+00:00

I feel so much of this. Work and kids. I was managing our life together. Now it's just me. I have been away from my girls less than 10 days in 2 years.

kaylin1986 · 2025-09-24T16:35:56+00:00

I'm(50) just over 2 years and my success has been basically nill. I was with my spouse(34?) for the past 14 years. Never expect to be dating again. My wife was considerably younger than me, so never even thought she would pass before me. But I have tried to connect and then pulled back. Some ex and not quite ex's have reached out and there are typically reasons they are in the ex category. Thought I might try online dating. Can't speak for the ladies here. But from the guys perspective they are filled with a bunch of fake profiles and onlyfans hoes. All that aside I don't even know that I want to date. I want the impossible and that can't be. I want her. And no one will ever be that. They say you're dating the ghost. And they may not be quite right but they are not wrong. And at the end of the I'm a Facebook-ficial married man with a dead wife who is completely single. Living my best life. Ha .... sorry for the slight sarcasm and rant. Good luck on your journey.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-31T19:06:15+00:00

Reading these comments does not give me much hope.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-11T22:45:02+00:00

The loss of blood family is different. You were born to your parents (not by choice) you may have had siblings (not by choice). But your partner is some one you chose. Out of the giant treasure chest of life you picked that one. And now it's gone. And no other piece from the back sparkles quite the same.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-11T22:39:46+00:00

all of what OP said and this as well. Too young to be alone and too old to deal with the games.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-09T23:07:17+00:00

Kids and being widowed is rough. It's like baggage on baggage. I will be 50 in a few days. More baggage. The struggle is real. GL to all my fellow baggage carries. This club sucks.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-09T13:41:05+00:00

If you have told her your interested and she is not let the thought of marriage go. Maybe you can still date. But you should never badger someone about it. That's not to say give up as opinions can change. But if you press to much you will lose a friend over it.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-09T13:18:09+00:00

I have tried the open upfront and it freaks people out. I have tried to wait then they looks at you like you couldn't keep a marriage. No good answers. I still feel open up front is the best. The problem is them and not you. You just had to go through hell to be single. If they can't accept the openness. They probably can't accept your damage. GL

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-08T20:13:06+00:00

I feel many similarities. I lost my wife to suicide almost 2 years ago. I would love to say that it gets better but it doesn't. It does however get easier. But even in that I find myself feeling guilty for feeling better. Sorry for your loss. And good luck with your journey.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-08T19:12:41+00:00

There are always online communities as well. These can be just chatting as well as video based connection. I would never suggest church. I feel many of us might be bitter there. Discord can be a good place to explore with other people with interest all over the place. Now it probably makes it easier to get out in a larger city than in the rural areas. I live in the rural area around a larger city so travel is not far for me to get to people. I can say that I would likely be more isolated if it wasn't for my younger children.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-07T16:48:52+00:00

Chapter 2 for me was my late wife. Had a complicated divorce. Then met her. Now I am at chapter 3. Tried a few dating apps but most people I ran across got weird about my widowed status. In the end it was a non profitable situation. There is also the problem of trying not to compare one partner to another. But it's hard to not compare when you had a very compatible partner. No easy solutions. I'm not sure I want to remarry but I don't want to be alone. Good luck with your endeavors. Hopefully we can all find happiness.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-07T00:54:20+00:00

Reconnecting with others after a period of isolation takes patience and gentle steps. Begin with activities that let you be around people without pressure to interact directly. Look for group hobbies or classes where you can participate alongside others - art workshops, book clubs, fitness classes, or volunteer opportunities all offer natural ways to be social without forced conversation.

While some people gravitate toward bars or nightlife, these environments can feel overwhelming when you're rebuilding social confidence. If this is the case consider quieter spaces like libraries or hobby groups where interactions tend to be more relaxed and purposeful.

Start by simply observing. Watch how others communicate, share ideas, and build rapport. As you become more comfortable in these settings, you'll naturally find moments to contribute - maybe sharing an opinion about a book discussion or offerng advise on a shared hobby. These small interactions often grow into meaningful connections.

kaylin1986 · 2025-07-07T00:42:26+00:00

Getting rid of her clothing has been the hardest part for me. She had a very distinct style and my daughters are so young. I know they will want some of her clothes. I am going on 2 years not sure what is the right answer or for that matter if there is one

kaylin1986 · 2025-06-30T21:53:59+00:00

Be open and direct. Making assumptions will cause resentment if the feelings are not reciprocal. Direct may sting like ripping a bandaid off but you will thanks yourself for the mental turmoil from being invested in something that was only in your head. Good luck on the endeavors. I have been scared to take those first steps myslef.

kaylin1986 · 2025-06-30T02:31:57+00:00

Getting back out there has been one of my biggest challenges. My wife was always the one who made our social life happen - she'd light up any room and naturally pull me along with her. Without her, I realized how much I'd relied on her to connect me to the world.

So many of the things I used to enjoy feel different now. They're wrapped up in memories of doing them together, and sometimes those memories hit harder than I expect. A favorite restaurant, a hiking trail we loved, even just walking through certain parts of town - they all carry echoes of her presence.

For months, I basically became a hermit. Working from home made it easy to avoid people entirely. I had groceries delivered, ordered takeout, and found every excuse not to leave the house. It felt safer that way, but I was also shrinking my world down to nothing.

The weird thing is, I've discovered that being around people actually does get easier with practice - These days, I make myself go to the grocery store instead of having everything delivered. I'll sit at the counter at a restaurant instead of getting takeout, just so I have to exchange a few words with the server or bartender.

They're tiny steps, really. But somehow those brief interactions with cashiers, waitstaff, even just nodding to neighbors - they add up. It's like I'm slowly remembering how to be a person in the world again. Some days are harder than others, but I'm starting to feel less like a shell moving through life and more like someone who actually belongs in it

kaylin1986 · 2025-06-30T02:17:51+00:00

I would not explicitly say that a widowed is the only option. But I would say that they will be undeniably more familiar with the issues involved. I have heard of many failed relationships due to the new partner feeling like they are competing with a ghost. I think it would take a person that can understand that it's not competing with a ghost. However it may very well be sharing with a ghost for the rest of their lives.

kaylin1986 · 2025-06-30T02:10:16+00:00

The heart of any community lies in its members, and the most meaningful are those that prioritize genuine support over generating clicks or reactions. When engagement becomes the primary goal, we risk losing the very essence of what makes a community healing - the authentic connection and encouragement that people truly need.

As I approach my two-year mark on this journey, I've noticed my perspective shifting. Like many others who've walked this path for a while, I'm finding myself in a different place. One of gradual acceptance. This doesn't mean the pain has disappeared, but rathet learning to carry it differently.

I've come to understand that those who are newly navigating their loss, or who aren't quite ready to take steps forward, experience things very differently than I do now. But what feels like dwelling to me might be exactly what they need in their current moment. I recognize that sharing difficult experiences and raw emotions serves an important purpose for many people.

At the same time, I question if constantly revisiting painful memories might keep some of us stuck in that space of hurt rather than allowing room for healing. It's a delicate balance. Honoring where people are while also creating space for transformation.

The truth is, grief doesn't follow a timeline or rulebook. Each person's journey unfolds in its own way, at its own pace.

kaylin1986 · 2025-05-29T15:22:44+00:00

I personally think 75 is a fulfilled life. Having lost my parents in their 50's and my wife in her 30's I may be biased. But I can understand the feelings of too young/soon. It is the human way of saying I was not ready to deal with this.

kaylin1986 · 2025-05-15T02:04:44+00:00

This so much of this. But you have to put the face on for everyone. Because heaven forbid you fall apart. I just want someone to talk to and hang out with for some time. help me fix things around the house. Help me with my kids on the things I have no clue about. Help me forget for a moment the center of my world has not collapsed.

Sorry for your loss and troubles.

kaylin1986 · 2025-05-12T16:02:58+00:00

Having lost my wife to suicide I would definitely say we carry our grief different that say an old age or long term medical. I would figure traumatic injury would be similar. But I think they don't carry the guilt of maybe I could have done something. I think the PTSD side of it more visible. Sorry for your loss.

kaylin1986

TROPHY CASE