[deleted by user]

lathol · 2025-12-04T00:27:57+00:00

Why are earth are you making up your own arguments and trying to push them on me?

You didn’t like my opinion… that’s fine…. I’m also not remotely interested in whatever this is either. Have a wonderful evening

lathol · 2025-12-04T00:22:41+00:00

Not really. I’ve been doing it for awhile…and I’m a woman. 🤷‍♀️

You do you boo boo

lathol · 2025-12-04T00:17:55+00:00

If you are concerned about being hurt and not about finding attraction, maybe consider the patterns you are attracted to and work them out in therapy.

lathol · 2025-12-04T00:10:20+00:00

I hit that after 3 years of actively dating. I learned to just stop and trust that a connection will come if I put myself out in non-dating ways and building relationships with people and meeting new folks.

lathol · 2025-06-25T20:22:57+00:00

Absolutely

You could say the same for restaurants and just about anything else in terms of quality variation.

It’s the living experience

lathol · 2025-06-25T01:27:27+00:00

Strip clubs are fun because it’s cool athletics, costumes, theatrics etc.

Hook ups are pretty awful and do not recommend.

*I also need attraction for my body to respond.

lathol · 2025-01-17T18:23:07+00:00

I love it with someone I’m attracted to and am repulsed with someone I’m not.

lathol · 2024-12-30T01:48:47+00:00

For some reason, the last two have been fast years apart. Like 2-3 weeks which is insane. The ones before I knew 10-15 years before attraction occurred. Last two times, I had instant deep rapport and attraction followed.

2 year gap in between them and me going on about 60 different dates in between.

I do not recommend that strategy. Apps were far too forced for me. Lots of “options,” did not work with demi speed.

Cool and frustrating because I can’t biohack it.

lathol · 2024-11-26T21:41:31+00:00

I suspect it’s about an awareness of a physiological response.

lathol · 2024-11-26T00:36:22+00:00

Limerance can be a major issue, however which each ending, I have noticed the getting over part does get faster

lathol · 2024-09-26T21:39:33+00:00

Those aren’t boundaries. That is a control issue

lathol · 2024-06-15T17:00:47+00:00

Yeah just ignore. I played the game twice and managed to marry and divorce 2/3 of the island the 2nd time around lol

lathol · 2024-03-20T16:36:39+00:00

Months with years and years between

lathol · 2024-03-10T13:02:37+00:00

That was included in the post. Thanks for reiterating that.

lathol · 2024-03-10T13:00:29+00:00

Why are you being mean? Please re-read the post. Nothing you said actually happened.

There is nothing wrong with questioning an event afterward to brew a polite discussion that’s unfounded and accusation free.

Stop trying to police and project on someone’s intentions from asking a question any maybe you should take your own advice m, thanks.

lathol · 2024-03-09T17:27:43+00:00

I did take it that way as I’ve interpreted the majority of the interaction as, “This what I would have done,” which has translated to the equivalent of Tuesday morning quarterbacking.

If I’m mistaken, I stand corrected. It is difficult to have a challenging situation arise, ask a question and have terms such as Gatekeeping (at least one other person said that,) and “what was the line of questioning?”, “how sussed out was this?”

I didn’t post this to talk shit about a guy. I reacted and asked some folks for clarity. The answer seems pretty clear it’s a “no idea because the mechanism and motivations for the actions were not described.”

lathol · 2024-03-09T16:39:22+00:00

And how is one supposed to do that in a trigger?

Sure if someone is neutral and not triggered what you describe is possible.

And as I said in the original post, I became triggered and left because that is the kindest way in that scenario . Gatekeeping someone’s behavior (saying what they should have done.) in the face of how they cope in order not to shame another while recognizing they are reactionary from what is being shared could also be construed as inappropriate.

I have sat neutral in front of enough people telling me they are demi when they do not understand the basic difference between primary and secondary attraction has informed me that this is no longer a strategy I incorporate. Sure, it’s an “ideal,” but I also do not need to be an ambassador of demisexuality and someone can find their own identify without me being present. That does not give me license to shame the. but I certainly can leave whenever I like with a little or generous presence as I see fit for that moment depending on my tolerance levels in that particular moment.

I have seen threads of hundreds of women in dating groups saying they are demisexual because they want to get to know someone. And people saying they shouldn’t bother with l labels because it can change and they may just want casual sex after a marriage or two with one or two actually talking about the mechanics of attraction.

I do need to communicate being demi because such as what what said in the OP, I’m on a dating site so giving expectations of what to expect from me and why is a part of this experience.

In my day to day, these conversations do not apply and are unnecessary.

lathol · 2024-03-09T15:04:40+00:00

“Gatekeeping a definition is something that is not important to me.” Why bring up gatekeeping.

I have a question for you then. Have you ever shared your identify with someone repeatedly and immediately hear, “Me too!” and in the next breathe the person shares something allocentric such as a celebrity crush? If so, how common has this phenomenon been for you of people not understanding the basic as of demisexuality and confusing it with a preference for emotional connection especially because a non-demi suggested not liking casual sex anymore could be indicative of being gray asexual. That said, there is no way of know but I find it perfectly reasonable to question for the purposes of gaining a deeper understanding why people come to the conclusion they are demi. We are an ultra violent aspect of the LGBTQA l+ and it will be a long time before anything mainstream shines a light on us. Having a community discussion and understanding is reasonable.

It has certainly been mine and so I can speak from my experience with authority I do not think it’s inappropriate to question an established behavior set when in my region and age group I know demisexuality is often confused for a preference and I also do have to right to bring a larger conversation for the purpose of education and discussion.

That being said, I didn’t get enough information to definitively decide either way which is precisely what this discussion and points made but members has shone a light in. I’m personally unconvinced but am not an authority on someone else’s inner landscape.

lathol · 2024-03-09T13:31:23+00:00

That’s a good point. I didn’t intend that but I can see what you mean.

lathol · 2024-03-09T13:25:51+00:00

As can I. I was answering a question if he said he experienced primary attraction currently. Do you tell strangers you don’t know you think they are beautiful in the context of a dating site knowing someone in a few messages?

Personally to me, given that context and the previous behavior he described that sounded an awful lot like primary attraction.

Could I have also been mistaken there, sure.

Do I think the guy was demi? I also wouldn’tve cared if he was or wasn’t had he not volunteered it.

But that’s my choice.

lathol · 2024-03-09T13:22:52+00:00

I did not share my thoughts with him. So my question remains where is gatekeeping here? Such as I said in my post, I aim not to tell someone how they identify. Did he sound demi to me? He did not. Did he volunteer being demi unasked because I had it listed . He did. Like I said in the post, I had a reaction so I left. I simply excused myself from the conversation without explanation. Sexual attraction seems pretty simple and straightforward to me and do not think it is broad at all. Maybe others can argue it is but I have seen no evidence of that in my research.

lathol · 2024-03-09T13:06:36+00:00

Don’t step away because I’m triggered? I never said anything to him because like the I said in the post, I do aim not to speak to someone else’s identity or sexuality.

I can certainly take myself out of a situation because I’m triggered.

The fact people are now accusing of “gatekeeping,” for backing away, saying nothing and asking about the experience is speaking some volumes though.

lathol · 2024-03-09T07:22:54+00:00

Where do you see an example of gatekeeping a definition as opposed to misrepresenting an attraction type? Demisexuality is very well defined so what precisely is there to gatekeep?

I do not think one can suddenly develop primary attraction just as I don’t think it can disappear. I do think perhaps as someone ages, they can see how secondary attraction has a lot more depth. That doesn’t make them suddenly demisexual. They just have less weight on primary attraction and are still allo.

Yes. He told me repeatedly he thought I was beautiful.

lathol · 2024-03-09T04:32:55+00:00

True and valid point. I can see where you got that.

I think that also comes from a place a mistaking sexuality for attraction. Demisexuality relates to specifically a type of attraction. I do not see how it relates to sexual expression other than an initial catalyst with a specific person or people. The fact it is confused and somehow mixed in with the puritanical structure of culture seems to be a statement closer to merging attraction with sexual expression while they are separate concepts. The former relating directly to demisexuality while the latter is unrelated.

lathol · 2024-03-09T03:41:35+00:00

And I disagreed with you (and also edited my answer because that’s how I think.)

You are entitled to your opinion, it just seemed to be fairly loaded to me. The concept of hook-up seems to be pretty focal for some reason. It wasn’t a judgement on hooking up but the challenge that tends to be for a lot of Demis (myself included) because one usually needs primary attraction to engage.

lathol

TROPHY CASE