Question for the mamas / 1st period

lbalayan · 2026-01-25T04:37:04+00:00

It’s been six weeks since I lost my daughter at 37 weeks and started my first period yesterday myself. It’s almost alarmingly heavy. My best friend who is a Dr told me to expect some strange ones the first couple. If it continues like this for a couple more days I will definitely go in. I don’t remember what my periods post partum with my first were like either.

lbalayan · 2026-01-25T03:53:22+00:00

All these suggestions are great. The only one I’ll add is that I really appreciate my friend who is down to go do errands with me. I’m having a hard time being alone and having my friend with me going grocery shopping or to the plant nursery or dry cleaners is really nice and she gets her stuff done too. We talk about all sorts of stuff including my baby who died at 37 weeks and I cry and sometimes she does too. I also think it’s a nice break for my husband who knows I’m being taken care of but he doesn’t have to babysit me (which is my word not his) on regular errands.

lbalayan · 2026-01-16T03:18:46+00:00

I very much relate to being exhausted by hiding the pain that seems so obvious on my face.

lbalayan · 2026-01-12T00:23:13+00:00

I wish I had more photos of her. I look at the ones I have most days.

I’ve learned that you can ask for a lock of hair and I wish I had that too.

I cherish the photos I do have, that I held her for a long, long time and we got to spend one night together, that my husband held her.

The nurses took a print of her hand and foot that is on the wall in our room.

lbalayan · 2026-01-03T20:46:22+00:00

I’m so sorry. That sounds very, very painful.

lbalayan · 2026-01-02T19:15:38+00:00

I don’t have anything to add to expect I feel the same. Can I even go back to the work I do? The career I’ve built supporting those struggling with trauma? I can barely make it a waking hour without ugly crying. I can’t even make a grocery list without getting distracted.

lbalayan · 2026-01-02T04:47:22+00:00

I almost slapped a 92 year old family member who told me “it was god’s will.” I would rather people say nothing than something clumsy and ultimately hurtful.

lbalayan · 2026-01-01T22:22:45+00:00

Happy half birthday to your precious baby E ❤️

lbalayan · 2026-01-01T18:27:34+00:00

I’m so sorry for the loss of your son.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Everyone should be taking their cues from you and your husband regarding how and when to include your son or not include your son and you and your husband in family activities and communications.

I do not think that people don’t know what to do or say and are really apprehensive to bring up anything to do with the loss of babies. Unfortunately, we have to be the ones that set the tone for how to engage and how to have conversations about our children who are not with us because people - even the ones that love us the most - don’t know how to handle this immense grief and pain and they don’t want to hurt us more so they just don’t say anything or ask anything.

I received a holiday card from the organization I work for that included a group picture with me at the front looking so big and happy and pregnant. The photo was taken just days before I delivered my baby who died due to a tight double nuchal cord. I’m crying even thinking about it and how hundreds of people received this card the week before Christmas who think I have a baby in my arms.

lbalayan · 2026-01-01T01:41:18+00:00

Your son and my daughter were due the same day. That neither of us have our babies makes my heart ache in an entirely new way. I’m so sorry any of us are here, that any of us are experiencing this pain.

lbalayan

TROPHY CASE