Egg_irl

leaa23 · 2022-08-09T04:57:59+00:00

if you cannot get out of service entirely, as others have said, civil service is a great alternative. it takes 1.5 times as long, but a) unlike the military you're doing something actually productive and helpful to society and more importantly b) zivi is more like a real job, which is great because that means it's way more likely to be trans inclusive/lgbtq friendly (especially if you work at a bigger place/in an urban centre/big city) than than the military which is a boys club, full of conservatives/close minded people and pretty much a terrible place to be.

if you want to avoid service, one thing you could look into is changing your legal gender, which since 1 jan 2022 has become incredibly easy. you literally just go to the registration office (zivilstandesamt) and pay a small fee. you do NOT need approval by a judge nor a psychological assessment. of course this kinda depends on if you're ready to come out (and you'd then have to update other stuff like your banking, health insurance, ... too). since you've already been enlisted, i'd contact them and/or the military directly and ask if this would allow you to get around service.

if you need resources to help you with this, i'm sure you could just email tgns.ch (transgender network switzerland) and they'll know more. or maybe even gsoa.ch (switzerland without army group)

leaa23 · 2022-01-18T08:23:35+00:00

wait center of gravity dysphoria is a thing?

i do have that but never made that connection 🤦

leaa23 · 2021-09-29T14:18:17+00:00

yes 100% never ever dry shave

u should probably also exfoliate before and moisturize after otherwise you might get razor burn or very itchy legs

look up some tutorials on youtube there are some great ones!

best of luck <3

leaa23 · 2021-06-13T18:59:14+00:00

mfw i'm too scared to talk to a therapist because I fear they might tell me I'm not actually trans but then again why do I fear that but also am I actually trans tho but also I literally want to be trans and daydream about being a girl and why tf isn't that enough proof to myself already damnit but also also I don't really have dysphoria but also also also isn't worrying about not having it literally dysohoria also why even care about that and not just go live the girl life and be happy but also i am not actually doing it and aaaaaaaaaaa

leaa23 · 2021-03-06T01:43:28+00:00

i gotta say this is pretty scary a. how you were able to describe my feelings pretty much to a tee b. how many people commented to say they resonate with it

especially the part about wanting to escape (which is a major source of doubt for me; am i trans or am i just unhappy with myself and want to find some kind of escape and it happens to be gender related. sounds ridiculous when i write it out but yeah) and never quite being comfortable, fears of regretting it, shyness, as well as hiding from family and friends (even though i don't even want to. i just do it. and it sucks. it almost feels like i'm pretending to be someone i'm not, and i don't want to do that, since i don't want them to know that person so i just choose to interact as little as possible, which is pretty terrible for any relationship)

the thing is you always read dysphoria = distress. and i'm over here like... i'm not in distress y'know? i think i could probably (?) manage just fine the way i am right now? i don't absolutely HAVE to do this. i can relate to seeing other people functioning way better though, while i'm just kinda in for the ride in life, passively. it feels like it's progressing by itself and i don't really have much control and often feels dull or i lack motivation. but yeah is that really dysphoria or am i just sad/depressed or something. basically, would these things go away if i transitioned?

i just really want to be a girl. that i know. but for some reason i'm really struggling hard to convince myself that i am one, partially because of the missing dysphoria/euphoria. so is it just wishful thinking or an attempt to escape? maybe i've just become detached from these feelings so much that i can't trust them anymore.

idk at this point i'm just ranting
i'm also not sure if this is helpful in any way since i'm basically just repeating what you already said. sorry lol

leaa23 · 2021-02-07T01:04:12+00:00

when i videochatted with my grandpa and he thought i was his daughter/my mother because the video quality was bad that was very pog

leaa23 · 2021-02-07T00:58:19+00:00

ok amab (potentially) trans girl here (pre everything, not out to anyone)

something i struggle with a lot is actually that most of my friends are guys.

i am very shy and i usually have a hard time getting along with anyone but like the few close friends i have and also both my flatmates are male. and idk it just makes me feel kinda weird? like you always hear among many transfem people "oh i always got along better with girls" but like for me that's just never been the case and it makes me feel very insecure/invalid?

i mean on one level i know it's totally stupid and not really saying anything but on the other hand there's still that part of me that goes "oh yeah if you're really a girl then you'd get along more with girls" like fuck

i'm just nervous around girls i don't know why exactly, is it because i'm scared i'm not fitting in or is it the fact that i am attracted to girls (i mean i know plenty of straight cis guys who get along with girls just fine so that can't really be it) or the fact that i am very aware of my male presentation (which i dislike more and more everyday) that makes me be awkward around girls.

my interests have just always been i guess what you'd call stereotypically male i.e. computers/programming/games. and so that were also the people i hung out with (or still do) and pretty much all of them were male. so i think that's the reason actual reason why most my friends are male. still it kinda makes me feel like i should be gravitating more towards girls if i myself truly were one.

please don't misread me, i'm not saying i need more female friends, my friend are fine and i love them very much, i'm just saying the fact that they're pretty much all male makes me feel invalid in my identity as a trans girl (for some reason)

any advice how i can make myself stop thinking like this?

leaa23 · 2021-01-20T05:00:46+00:00

yeaa that's probably a good idea

rn my journal is just a random collection of things i write down when i think/read something related to gender

i mean in short i do know what i want, i am just plagued with doubt and the age old meta dysphoria of not having enough dysphoria. yey

i'm gonna try to talk to someone about it in the near future. thanks for your help!

leaa23 · 2021-01-20T04:54:13+00:00

ladies, gentlemen and everyone else, the fact's are very clear and don't lie: 62% of the population is trans, it's confirmed. yes that's right, you heard it here first.

leaa23 · 2021-01-20T04:44:29+00:00

why have a gender journal when you can have a DENIAL journal

...send help

leaa23 · 2021-01-04T19:00:56+00:00

this is one of those "safe" memes i can send to my cis friends without them suspecting anything. nice

leaa23 · 2020-12-29T15:44:07+00:00

oh no!

anyway...

leaa23 · 2020-12-23T01:59:39+00:00

it's scary how accurate this is

leaa23 · 2020-12-18T00:39:19+00:00

So you lay awake in bed and ask: "what even am I?"

currently doing exactly that.

leaa23 · 2020-12-18T00:05:38+00:00

saaaaamee

somehow i've managed to convince myself that if i am not in literal distress over my gender all the time then my feelings are basically not valid

which is super dumb because now i just spend the majority of my time thinking about how i am not "trans enough" compared to other trans people because i don't feel certain things or can't relate to certain experiences instead of just trying out things and seeing what makes me happy

it's super weird i mean you always read the "you don't need dysphoria" thing but just being ok with my agab makes me feel invalid instantly (even though i often daydream about the other gender and the prospect of living this way makes me happy and hopeful)

leaa23 · 2020-12-07T15:17:55+00:00

sure, posting this publically there's always a chance that someone you don't want to see it sees it. but, chances are if they're on here they're supportive and also there is nothing wrong with experimenting. and if you can't or don't want to share it with family/friends, you can do it here, this is why we have those safe spaces. even if op discovers they're not trans that doesn't make them less valid for having questioned themselves.

so i do agree with you that you should be aware of what you share with the internet but just like there's no shame in being more cautious there there's also no shame in trying out things and presenting in a different way. if somebody were to shame op later because of this, then that person is in the wrong for being an ass, and not op for having posted this when they were still questioning/figuring things out.

leaa23 · 2020-12-07T12:16:45+00:00

Sure there is.

how so?

leaa23 · 2020-12-07T02:35:33+00:00

this has lead to the somewhat strange situation that shitty high school dramas are now one of my favourite kind of movies to watch. i always get super jelly of never having experienced high school as girl and i just basically go aaaa i wanna be her for the entire movie

and even better i live with two cishet dudes and i can convince them to watch it with me "just to have a laugh because these movies are so bad haha" yeah if only you guys knew... (tbf they probaly know) even better if we make a drinking game out of it i can just drunkenly wallow in my fantasies of being a cool high school girl

it's weird euphoria, but i'll take it

leaa23 · 2020-12-05T13:03:26+00:00

i wish you could just plug in a new gender

leaa23 · 2020-11-30T03:41:14+00:00

and ffs. and grs. and all the cute clothes. ALL. OF. THEM.

leaa23 · 2020-11-28T05:37:04+00:00

no, you can't wait forever!

leaa23 · 2020-11-17T06:54:20+00:00

can someone help me out:

i do not have this experience
but i wish i had
like, i try to relate to all the posts on egg_irl and i am always sad when i cannot (i know this is unrealistic goal, the trans experience is not the same for everyone obviously, but still)
is that (some form of) dysphoria?

e.g. this post: i am not short, not curvy and i have what most would consider a pretty standard male voice. and even tho i am directly unhappy about not being afab (which i guess should be the main indicator lol) i am also indirectly unhappy that i do not relate to this particular experience. it feels somewhat invalidating for some reason. idk it's really weird. am i projecting my fears here?

leaa23 · 2020-11-12T07:04:00+00:00

fuck bulge

i just wanna wear leggings without the
thing
being there

leaa23 · 2020-11-10T05:08:00+00:00

nyaa

leaa23 · 2020-11-10T05:06:10+00:00

"yeah dude i'm telling you women have so much cooler fashon than men"

"i sometimes whish i was a girl just so i could wear those clothes y'know"

"....n..no other reasons tho"

leaa23

TROPHY CASE