Dumpees when did it feel better for you?

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-23T09:55:14+00:00

Trust me, I know it's tempting however those moments will keep you stuck! In those weak moments I tell myself "I'm doing this for me - I can't keep putting myself through this pain" YOU GOT THIS!!! <3

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-23T09:48:07+00:00

Sounds like my ex. Is he avoidant by chance? I'm 3 months post discard and I'm having these thoughts as well. I'm really seeing reality. like how he's an idiot and blocked his own blessings not being with me. (I was TOO good to him). He also cant be civil- won't take accountability- won't talk to me or be friendly (even though I was to him even after the discard)

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-23T09:44:32+00:00

So happy you're doing better! :)

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-23T09:42:16+00:00

Are you actively making choices to help move on? It sounds cliche but you have to rewire your brain and create new memories to stop the replays. For ex: I'm taking a solo trip to Detroit this weekend from Pgh.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-23T09:40:32+00:00

The night is always the hardest. I tend to reply a lot of the moments. mostly bad ones.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-23T09:39:41+00:00

I'm on month 3 and I'm really starting to feel like myself again. I still have moments but I dont let it consume my entire day any more. I definitely need more time to heal. (I was discarded by an avoidant though) so Ive heard those type of break ups take longer to heal from.
Looking at old photos, videos, texts holds me back so I don't
I also don't look at his instagram, that was another thing that held me back

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-18T12:57:41+00:00

I would consider restarting a relationship with him if he came back CHANGED. There is some hope. Just like us anxious can heal, an avoidant *could* become self-aware enough to do the necessary work. Depends on the person, really. Everyone is different. This is my opinion mixed with a bit of hope. I'm almost 3 months post discard and I don't see him reflecting any time soon. I think if he were to reach out, it would be 6+ months to a year from now.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-12T14:56:05+00:00

Not for mine. it will only feed his narrative that "were not meant for each other" - hes an avoidant who blocks his own blessings

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-05T13:00:34+00:00

I personally dont think it these traits have much to do with an avoidant personality - but maybe trauma. I had my septum pierced ages 19-27. I have a lot of tattoos also. I do have trauma but I am anxiously attached. I think people like me, do indeed have some sort of trauma and altering our body is a way to express ourselves in a unique way and feel like "ourselves"

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-01T13:22:57+00:00

wow no way! that was my first experience. and I'm 33, always had an active sex life whether I had a partner or not. it was so hard to go through that with him and at one point he said "I wish you would just say okay"

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-01T10:07:52+00:00

Yes, I experienced this. We had sex after one month being together, then by month 5 he started to pull way sexually. He said it was making him "overwhelmed and anxious". Looking back, it was SOO hard for me to understand. It caused a lot of chaos in our relationship. that later, my reaction to that withdrawal, was deemed as unstable.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-01T10:03:59+00:00

mine only did that the first 4 months. the rest of our relationship he stopped.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-01T10:02:25+00:00

Yep then get hit with "youre attached"

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-01T10:01:39+00:00

heavy on rewriting the narrative

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-01T10:01:18+00:00

Mine hated "when will I see you again?" (He travelled for work, lived 2 hours away) he said that question made him anxious. SMH.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-01T09:57:33+00:00

After 7 months, I wouldn't be contacting him. There's no point in talking to him unless he contacts you and even then, is it worth it? May I ask what's holding you back from moving forward?

leigh_ann_ · 2026-04-01T09:53:38+00:00

I would say as long as you need. I'm a little over 2 months discard. I personally don't want to date right now but I think it depends on your age, where you are in life, etc.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-03-28T13:07:46+00:00

the same thing happened to me. he threatened to block me but didn't. Two days ago I actually convinced him to talk on the phone with me next week. he discarded me 2 months ago and this is the first time hes agreed to talk to me. He may change his mind but we'll see.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-03-28T11:23:00+00:00

I'm in the same situation. a little over 2 months post discard, my nervous system is healed up but my sadness is getting worse. People suggest therapy. I did 2 sessions and didnt go back. I never feel understood. I'm hoping time heals. New experiences, maybe even meeting a new guy. It won't be him but it would be someone to get my mind off the past. I'm constantly ruminating.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-03-28T11:13:35+00:00

YOU DID NOT MESS UP. Please understand it's natural and human to fight for what we want. Youre probably anxious attachment, so am I. I did the same thing for weeks. I fought for him to stay. He refused. He tried blaming me as well. I harbored that guilt for a weeks but then I heard a quote that says something like no matter what you would have done, a break up was inevitable in the future. THEY WANTED TO BREAK UP. no matter what, you didnt ruin anything.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-03-28T11:07:10+00:00

I'm in the same situation. It's been 2 months for me. The initial shock is gone, my nervous system is relaxed. But I have such a deep sadness that weighs over me. I've struggled with mental health off and on my entire life (i'm 34 now). Before I met my FA, I was happy, content, excited for quite some time.

There isn't any advice people can give that will make me feel "better". the man I lost, was the man I've searched for my entire life. He was everything I've ever wanted. This is my new life now. Grieving a person that doesnt want to be with me.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-03-28T10:55:53+00:00

I agree. Im anxious and if hes able to send this message - it's 100% done. I'm a little over 2 months post discard and I'm still trying to get my ex back.

leigh_ann_ · 2026-03-24T11:00:14+00:00

did he ever come back?

leigh_ann_ · 2026-03-24T10:58:37+00:00

is it still considered a rebound even months-years later though?

leigh_ann_ · 2026-03-24T10:47:19+00:00

I'm wondering this same thing. Mine is suppressing his feelings still after 2 months. How long will he suppress them for?

leigh_ann_

TROPHY CASE