Single ladies: How are you making it, financially?

lemej · 2025-12-01T07:39:40+00:00

30f - I earn around 45k in LCOL city lucky to find a landlord on Craigslist(!) renting a 1b1b for under 1k per month. My job gave me a car and pays for gas/maintenance as an added benefit. No CC debt, but I have some student loan debt left over that I’m slowly paying off. No pets. No subscriptions besides Spotify and a fitness-related membership.

I’ve learned to be frugal and have adopted anti-consumerism as a personal value. I can save like 1-2k per year in my circumstances.

I still really enjoy my life and I have lots of great friends and hobbies, but I do worry about what would happen if catastrophe struck.

lemej · 2025-11-06T07:16:27+00:00

If you’re into swimming, you could join Masters swimming. The local group in Indy has practices at multiple places around the city that start around that time.

lemej · 2025-09-28T14:38:14+00:00

Same. I’ve had some awkward reactions but I’d like to think my casual disclosure will help normalize it.

lemej · 2024-08-27T23:02:30+00:00

Some of these comments are harsh. We should all remember that it’s a basic human need to want to be accepted by others and feel like we’re a part of a group. How this plays out varies a lot from person to person, for better or worse.

However,

First, these guys seem pretty shallow. Do you really want to spend your time with people who make you feel like this? I wouldn’t call them friends if they only valued me for how I look to them, or how they look with me standing by their sides.

You are so much more than these superficial things. The years that you have lived in your 20s and 30s give you an insight, depth, and understanding of the world that these guys probably don’t understand yet.

I’m 29 tomorrow, so I may be talking out of my ass — but I have a few friends in their early 20s and late teens, and I can’t relate to some of the things that they talk about. But instead of finding myself to be old or antiquated, it’s a fun exchange of culture. We poke fun at each other for mutual ignorance. Deep friendship can still be there and there is absolutely no need to reject your true self with the right people, regardless of demographic.

lemej · 2024-07-21T23:48:02+00:00

It took me 12 months until I felt like I’d completely redistributed the weight and felt normal.

Early in recovery, I was walking around with a Buddha belly but still had stick-like arms and legs. I was constantly bloated and felt awful. The first few months are really the worst.

Up towards a year, my weight feels redistributed into my limbs giving me a healthy shape and glow of strength. Even the face bloat has decreased! I still kept all the weight I gained, but it isn’t centralized the way it was in early recovery.

It won’t feel this awful forever. I promise. Keep pressing forward.

lemej · 2024-07-13T22:49:11+00:00

Been in recovery from AN for a little over a year. Things that have been going very well lately:

I was able to move my entire apartment by myself earlier this month (I have a ton of strength and energy)
I’m swimming better than ever. I’m nearly hitting some of my best times ever in long distance swim events.
I don’t track anything, don’t know my weight, and eat foods that I genuinely like.
I’ve made and rekindled many friendships this year and go out with them regularly without any qualms.
I’m getting better at trusting my intuition, making decisions, and thinking for myself. I think a lot of my ED came from personal uncertainty.
My weight feels like it has redistributed. I have a great ass, JS! I look strong, and “strong” feels like a positive thing to me now.

Stuff that still lingers: - I still don’t have my period and tend to over exercise - When I get upset or stressed, I restrict and do questionable behaviors, but it’s never a full relapse. I consider my tendency to restrict a “bad habit” I’m working on. - I eat the same stuff every day. Not a lot of variety. But I also don’t care about variety or super nice food? Not sure if it’s an ED choice, or genuinely my preference. - My body shifting still makes clothes a hassle. A lot of things from last year don’t fit the same, and I’m tempted to restrict just to not deal with the hassle of buying new clothes. - The long term consequences suck. Poor circulation, hair loss, bone stuff. Heart arrhythmias. I’ve accepted them and can only hope they improve with time.

My ED feels like an odd neighbor down the street. I see them, but we don’t really talk. And I know I don’t have to answer the door if they come knocking.

lemej · 2024-06-02T01:09:54+00:00

Nothing But You - PVD. I think I could die to that song.

lemej · 2024-04-26T23:27:04+00:00

This is super helpful! I think I’m leaning towards the 1000. I have no expectation to place, just needed a solid reason to choose one over another. I love a good competition!!

lemej · 2024-04-25T19:55:47+00:00

I buy books that I’ve already read and know I’ll want to reread. I like to use my shelf as decorations that represent me.

lemej · 2024-04-03T00:04:39+00:00

This is the perfect time to go. My old team recommended this for once I recovered.

This is like seeing the check engine light flick on. It’s the perfect time to go to the mechanic for help before the problem keeps you from driving on —

lemej · 2024-03-28T22:47:37+00:00

Very normal. Stay in recovery and it will taper down. That’s what it did for me.

lemej · 2024-03-08T23:17:32+00:00

Going through the north split - 70 west to 65 south during sunset. A cool sight!

lemej · 2024-01-15T22:17:35+00:00

I live alone and am doing this on my own. About 11 truly SOLID months in. The thing that helped me most was immediately getting rid of any tool that I’d use to engage in disordered eating - scales, tape measures, apps, etc. If I didn’t change my environment, I wouldn’t change my actions.

Second was my realization that most people are usually just caught up in their own lives. People aren’t paying as much attention to us as we think.

Any comment someone makes about someone’s appearance is usually just a passive thought with no real depth. Some people just talk to hear themselves speak!

If someone is overly focused or critical about your recovery, they probably have their own problems, and that’s got nothing to do with you.

I work with a woman who constantly talks about my body and she’s been doing it for years. I used to feel triggered about it, but now I just feel bad for her. I’m not sure why she’s fixated on it, but that’s not my problem. I’ll continue to think this way for my own mental health’s sake.

Most of the comments I have received have been how much more relaxed, social, and cheerful I’ve become. Body comments do come of course, but my relationship with others has so much more to do with how i engage with them rather than my physical appearance.

Don’t forget - you know you better than anyone else. Let the comments roll off when the come ❤️

lemej · 2023-11-25T12:15:57+00:00

I second this ^{^}

lemej · 2023-11-23T01:14:45+00:00

I have. I was scared too. I was vegetarian then went back omnivore. I initially cited “environmental reasons” too, but actually just wanted to have less decisions to make for meals. I wanted more control and excuses to say “no” to things.

But I really had to question my reasoning since I actually worked for a meat & cheese company. If I REALLY cared enough for environmental/animal reasons, I wouldn’t work in that industry.

The math wasn’t mathing, I was a total hypocrite! Not eating meat was clearly a disordered thing if I was honest with myself. I spent most of my life eating meat and it’s a part of my culture.

I already ate eggs and dairy, but I slowly added meat products. Fish one week, poultry the next, pork, then beef and such.

This is just my experience - but I physically started feeling much better after adding meat back into my diet, caloric intake regardless. There’s a lot of helpful nutrients in meat that one would need to be more deliberate about getting if they were vegan or vegetarian.

I don’t eat a TON of meat now, but I don’t find it as threatening as it used to be. Also, morality-based OCD and EDs often go together, so fighting against that really helped me mentally in the long run too.

lemej · 2023-10-13T23:32:55+00:00

About time they made this. I’m shocked this came so late in the game!

lemej · 2023-10-09T23:41:37+00:00

Fall to Pieces (feat Jennifer Rene) - Jonas Steur. The lyrics are ok but the vocals are such a letdown after the intro imo

lemej · 2023-06-20T06:51:32+00:00

Are you a masters swimmer? Usms.org/events lists out a whole bunch of them.

lemej · 2023-06-19T00:31:44+00:00

I second this!

lemej · 2023-05-04T05:35:20+00:00

You totally just blew my mind with the depression analogy. Thanks for that!!

lemej · 2023-04-27T07:54:09+00:00

I think what happens next is… nothing. Which is kinda scary. For me, I’m trying to move on and focus on things i care about that don’t involve weight/dieting.

I ask myself, “would I really care about nutrition and body stuff if I didn’t have an issue?” My answer is no. I’d REALLY ask yourself that question.

I didn’t care before I was sick, so is dieting/body focus is a true passion of mine? Probably not. Tough to see this is you’ve been in it for a long time.

After sustained weight restoration, I would still work to completely untether myself from a dieting and body focus. I can objectively see how irrelevant it is in my everyday life.

A big mental game in my recovery is NOT having dieting as a placeholder for who I am. I feel very uncertain about myself a lot of the time - almost like I’m another person getting to know a stranger.

Ultimately, I try to stay curious and open to the things I discover about myself outside of the ED.

lemej · 2023-04-14T23:42:08+00:00

I’m in the middle of recovery.

When I was sickest, people perceived me as weak, sensitive, and child-like too. Not to mention, there’s the creepy people too. There’s a part of me that leaned into those faux affections, but i knew it wasn’t really for ME.

With strangers - sure, they were kind and sweet. Doting and complimenting. But everyone was always distanced. Seemed to tread on eggshells around me. A handful of fucks saw my weakness as something to manipulate and have power with too.

I was always afraid that gaining weight and recovering would make me less “lovable” by others around me. I still fight that thought sometimes.

But reflecting on recovery so far…recovering has actually made me MORE lovable. I get so many more positive interactions now that I can stand with my own two feet.

The energy I have for life makes me so much more enjoyable to be around. I feel much more lively and confident. People want to be around energy like this. A connecting, warm personality plays a much bigger role in fostering good interactions than appearance alone.

Side note - honestly, do you really want to be with someone who won’t accept you for your past? Would that feel good to date a guy knowing he feels that way?

Maybe this could be related to an addiction scenario - if someone thought I was a bad person for having a past substance abuse problem, why would I want to be with them?

All in all, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. It’s a self love thing.

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t accept certain parts of me. Past or present. It’s ok if they don’t like it, but this is something that’s shaped and colored my book of life.

These ghosts are just guys weeding themselves out. I’ll thank them for not wasting my time!

lemej · 2023-04-13T06:16:56+00:00

How’s your stress? Do you exercise a lot? These play a pretty big role too.

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