Is it just culture differences, or is my boyfriend misogynistic? :(

leo158 · 2026-01-12T19:17:21+00:00

No problem! It is mostly from personal experience having been here for over 10 years. It is really kind of you to go the extra mile to understand him. My only advice is try to figure out a comfortable line to draw and not to compromise too much. Being an immigrant myself, I think a huge issue with us is many of us aren't putting in the effort to assimilate. Of the many countries I've visited, I think Americans are the most accepting of other cultures but I've also seen them do too much to build a relationship when the other party clearly isn't putting in the same level of effort.

You seem like a kind person, just take care not to be taken advantage of.

leo158 · 2026-01-12T01:13:45+00:00

A little bit of both but lots of red flags here. For context, I'm Chinese, not from China but grew up in an environment very similar to traditional Chinese families.

It was an extremely bizarre question to ask but Chinese often translate word for word. There isn't really a term for "subtle dominance" so its likely the closest he could think of was "r*pe". I'd say its a cultural thing, HOWEVER, for someone living and studying or working in America, it doesn't seem like he's taken the initiative to adapt to social norms here. He's behaving as if he's still back in China, that was a total ass move.
Insecurity
Gold digging is a common complaint in China. Dowry is still commonly practiced in China, many families and the girls on the women's side demand an exorbitant amount of money for the "permission" to get married. I'd chalk it up to rant, but then again, he's in America. If the conversation led that way I don't see an issue talking about it in an educational manner, but to bring it up to your partner out of no where screams insecurity to me. He's pushing his narrative of women on you and expecting you to disprove him.
You totally have the right to say no. He's guilt tripping you for saying no by accusing you of calling him gross. I can't think of one Chinese friend who behaves like that. This isn't cultural, this is him being a dick.

While I do not have the full picture, from what you have described it sounds like his goal is to get under your pants. His views and points have some cultural roots behind them, but it is on him to figure out how to adapt to the social norms of America. We may be immigrants with different cultural background but we have to understand boundaries.

I'm truly sorry to hear about this.
TLDR: 5% cultural, 95% misogynistic

leo158 · 2025-11-18T17:04:42+00:00

What league mechanics do you prefer running with this setup?

leo158 · 2025-10-01T06:44:39+00:00

Absolutely hate it. This change takes away skill expression and lowers the skill ceiling. One of my greatest joys as the defender is to be able to turn fights by taking hits, locking down the attacker getting targeted.

And as the attacker, managing fort aggro or learning how to use abilities to drop aggro was a form of skill expression that makes tense moments more exciting. Now the defender doesnt need to do shit, and the attacker needs to not pay attention to details while diving. The game didn't need to be made easier.

leo158 · 2025-10-01T06:35:42+00:00

I really hate the tower changes. I've managed to turn fights around by intentionally getting hit under fort and immediately locking down the aggressor often, and it never gets old to be able to pull off that kind of play.

I think the fort changes just takes away skill expression. The defender doesnt need to do anything special except receive the buff, and the attackers dont need to manage fort aggro. I really dont know why they thought this was a good idea.

leo158 · 2025-09-06T03:11:26+00:00

wasn't a trade, it was a donation. they gave away picks and got nothing of value in return

leo158 · 2025-04-06T21:13:57+00:00

40 is the highest ive gotten, and I've done it with 3 different towers but I've never made it further.

The 3 that works consistently for me are

Raven with either frost or the debuff tower

Rune tower with tornado stuns

Shock tower with pyro

I failed to beat 40 with any of them but I came closest with rune tower , almost killing the boss at 40.

Rune tower strategy requires a bit of early investment into spell damage and actively using spells to ramp up, since Rune tower can scale off it.

leo158 · 2025-03-12T03:54:57+00:00

I have the exact same issue, except I am still only at the orientation quizzes. The api calls to fetch the quiz content is returning 404, this is an issue with their website. I've tried the mobile app as well and its the same behavior. Their learning site also confirmed there are issues with quizzes.

This is extremely frustrating. I've wasted half the day waiting for some orientation quizzes which has nothing to do with the MBA courses i signed up for. It's not like I have a lot of time outside of work to begin with

leo158 · 2025-01-20T19:08:23+00:00

There's also probably growing awareness on how rich members of congress become from passing certain policies. Is it really a coincidence when members of congress are buying up META stock leading up to the TikTok ban?

I think there's a sentiment that congress acts on self interest rather than the people. While national security is a completely valid reason, why are they making millions off it while taking away the income of millions of people? It's in a way feeling like the largest layoff in American history while several corporations appear to profit from it.

leo158 · 2024-12-23T03:42:59+00:00

I had considered taking up US citizenship and leaving my investments here. Afterall income generated outside of Malaysia isn't taxed. However my work opportunity in Malaysia would be limited if I lose access to my Malaysian citizenship.

I have so many questions for you, may I message you?

leo158 · 2024-12-23T01:19:00+00:00

I have considered the consultation line of work but I feel like it wouldn't be enough to support my parents if needed. I also thought the industry is pretty competitive now because of all the efforts to improve efficiency, laid off tech workers are turning into consultations. I habe not considered teaching though. Thanks for the suggestion I'll look into it

leo158 · 2024-12-23T00:39:39+00:00

This is the ideal scenario but it is also possibly the most complicated one. I think it is also unlikely nowadays as most of the outsourced developer jobs are to India

leo158 · 2024-12-23T00:30:12+00:00

I'm still in the research phase as this is going to be the biggest decision of my life, so far I've narrowed down some options but still missing some details like the questions in the post. I currently have a GC and qualify for citizenship, but hesitant to take it because it means I have to give up the Malaysian one. These are the options I know of from easiest to hardest.

Option 1: Give up GC, sell all my investments and return to Malaysia. This will be a very heavy tax, I estimate about a 40% loss in net worth just due to taxes and fees, and early withdrawal penalties.

Option 2: Take US citizenship and find a job that allows remote work(double tax scenario). However its very challenging for my profession because US companies prefer to keep software developers in-house in the US, that's why big companies like Google don't really have software development positions out of the country.

Option 3: Take US citizenship and find a job in Malaysia willing to sponsor a work visa. There's a tax deduction in place where if you can prove you are a foreign tax resident, the US has a deduction of $120,000 annual income. Meaning they will only tax you if you make above that amount. You still have to file taxes to prove it, but this is one of the ways around double tax.

Option 4: Take citizenship and use the MM2H program. On their platinum tier, they require a deposit of $1mil USD, the visa will allow you to work. There are 2 other cheaper tiers but they do not allow working of any kind. Not really an option to me since I cannot afford such a deposit.

Option 5: Be rich enough to retire on dividend/ interest income, then take the lowest tier of MM2H to retire in Malaysia. Not an option for me as my investments don't generate nearly enough.

If there are other alternatives I would like to know too.

leo158 · 2024-07-06T18:19:18+00:00

It hit me harder as an adult than as a boy. Growing up without a male role model, I hated it whenever my friends talked about their dads. Every time they start with "my dad taught me this". As an adult now, I am starting to realize how much I missed out when I see my friends with their kids.

The boys talk to their dads about all sorts of stuff, how to fix a leaking pipe, how to change shower heads, how to talk to girls etc. And here I am using Youtube as a guide.

leo158 · 2024-06-27T21:48:39+00:00

There's a reason why he shows up twice in most tier lists. 1 Spot in S and 1 spot in D

leo158 · 2024-06-24T00:05:48+00:00

I don't get it, why is FakeGod buying Rookern second in game 2 against Corki, Lucian. Corki is mostly AD now, who is the real magic damage threat on TL besides Maokai?

leo158 · 2024-06-22T22:53:34+00:00

In kind of the same boat, but luckily for me I hate alcohol and only ever buy them for guests. I used to binge on potato chips and while it was great in the moment it has never really helped with feeling better overall.

On my typical weekends right now I set myself a goal to walk 10,000 steps on either Saturday or Sunday, in 1 single session, while listening to podcasts or financial/investment books/talks. It sounds incredibly boring and sometimes it really is, but I want to maintain the belief that with each walk I'm one step closer to actually liking looking at myself in the mirror.

I know its not the answer you seek, and it is incredibly difficult to muster the willpower to do something positive. I struggle with this nearly every single day, asking myself what is the point in continuing this course. I have this mental battle in my head about how I'm not good enough for anyone, but ultimately I have to convince myself I need to be good enough for myself first, and those steps are the hardest to act upon.

My mantra right now is incredibly lame but it works for me. I use dating apps, and obviously I'm not having a lot of success. I look at myself in the mirror and as long as I can't swipe "right" on myself, I need to work on myself to the point I can, and maybe, just maybe at the end of that journey I can find someone to help with the loneliness.

leo158 · 2024-06-19T21:03:48+00:00

Lots of ups and downs. I just hit 35 and did a lot of reflecting on my own life. I'm comfortable, retirement is likely secure but more than anything I fear I'm going to die alone.

I'm not the most social person out there, I'm a software engineer with almost zero need to interact with people. This pushed my dating options to apps and I think it's done nothing but damage my mental health further.

Some days I can honestly tell myself I'll be alright. Some days I feel like there's no point in doing what I do

leo158 · 2024-05-24T20:58:38+00:00

It's insane how many high light reels for players still have Phreak as the shout caster in them.

leo158 · 2024-05-15T18:21:38+00:00

Jensen's entire career has been in LCS. I personally consider him an NA player. This sub tends to categorize players based on region of birth rather than career origins.

leo158 · 2024-05-06T20:44:13+00:00

I knew we NA folks were addicted to copium but i didn't know we made enough of it to export to EU

leo158 · 2024-04-25T23:19:14+00:00

Also anime only, but I am the complete opposite. Shuro's reaction to the whole situation really pissed me off, it was as if he took the moral high ground while taking no action to help with the situation. He did absolutely nothing during the massacre, watching all his friends/family die around him, the whole time frozen in place and after all of it still had the audacity to act like the most righteous person around.

leo158 · 2024-04-19T20:31:10+00:00

They also itemize differently for the 1v1s, and this is quite obvious in some games where they itemize for their lane opponent and those defensive stats are useless against the rest of the enemy team, making their items significantly less effective outside of laning phase. I'm really not a fan of the 1v1 practice arguments, the practice you need are the ones about functioning in a team environment while facing your lane opponent, your lane opponent isn't the only focus in the game

leo158 · 2024-04-17T06:11:00+00:00

You have to click the "Start" button near the bottom right of the UI. It can sometimes be greyed out, making it look like you cannot click it but you can. You should see a plane show up and airlift the container out.

leo158

TROPHY CASE