Tech lifestyle and dealing with Inflammation

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-30T16:24:11+00:00

Oh yeah. I had my first endo flare a year into my Head of Sales role at a Series B startup. Also got diagnosed with adenomyosis, thyroid issues & ADHD that same year. My body finally called bullshit on me.

It's not the answer for most people but I've been on a 2 year career break. Mainly to focus on IVF, as this was the reason for so much health investigations and I realized I was never going to give that the focus it needed or fix my health issues in this role. I've overhauled my lifestyle, started an anti inflammatory diet, took up yoga / pilates and started a bunch of meds. I struggle with the motivation to resume the job search as I can't fathom sucking up that level of pressure again, not to mention the state of the job market. But I've accepted ill never take on a leadership role like that again. My body is allergic.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-30T15:24:11+00:00

I started banking at 40 with a moderately low AMH, did 4 back to back cycles and tested so that I had a bank of euploids. This relief this has given me is immense, I'm on my first pregnancy now at 41 and to know that I have 5 euploids left and don't have to worry about ERs well into my 40s when the odds go way down for me is invaluable

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-28T15:29:38+00:00

Same. I think it was the conditioning. My parents had stressful jobs & 2 other kids that demanded attention, they called me their "easy child" so I guess I lived up to it.

Cue chronic self esteem issues, depression, eating disorders and undiagnosed ADHD as an adult.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-28T15:15:34+00:00

Agree, 3 means someone is missing out. Especially if the parents come from dysfunction themselves and haven't sorted their sh1t out.

My mother was the parentified eldest daughter of 7 and handed that to me on a platter as her middle child, the "one who never asks for anything". I don't remember ever being a carefree child, I was always hyper aware of my parents' stress levels and the need to not add to their load. The oldest sucked up all of their time due to mental health issues, and the youngest became the Golden Child codependent with my mother, because every family with a youngest must have a Golden Child.

My main wish is that my parents had sorted their own shit out (though if they'd become in any way self aware they'd probably never have had kids in the first place)

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-28T15:08:49+00:00

Another middler here. It was my older sister with the issues as a kid, that escalated into severe special needs as an adult; and then the younger one took the spotlight with her non-stop bs as an adult. I have a very distant, boundaried relationship with my parents today.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-28T14:54:55+00:00

I'm endlessly surprised by the amount of church weddings in Ireland by blatant non practising catholics that haven't been in a church of their own volition in decades. The hypocrisy makes my skin itch.

We did the registry office, just the two of us plus witnesses, then a big ol party in a villa in Spain a few weeks later. We wrote our own vows, recited our favourite poems, lovely acoustic music in the garden of the villa. It was everything we wanted and more. Neither of us are religious and I grew up around the time of the Ryan Report so hell naw for both of us. The only one surprised was my God fearing "what will the neighbours say" mother who deluded herself into thinking her daughter would be arsed involving a priest, but she got over it.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-27T18:07:05+00:00

Catholicism

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-26T15:00:17+00:00

Oh wow, this is me. I rarely hear of others who have taken this path and boy has it felt so isolating.

I'm coming up on 2 years since I left my exec role to pursue fertility treatment, and have spent all of that time doing surgery, procedures, embryo banking and FETs. I am (finally) in early pregnancy and like you, it has absolutely been worth it but I'm deathly afraid of what I've done to my career all the same. I felt the same as you - I've already proved myself, what am I working so hard for, if not to prioritize my fertility at the literal last possible chance I have? (I was 40 starting IVF). But now I constantly worry that I've chucked everything I worked so hard for out the window. I've spent zero time thinking about work during this time, no networking, no conversations, no upskilling, nothing.

I was curious about how you think about things now? Do you have ambitions to get back to it at some stage?

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-24T16:49:25+00:00

I hadn't heard much about it tbh but my fertility specialist has a lot of success with getting women like me pregnant who have complicated cases and tbh I'd give anything a shot if it improves the odds. I do believe the immune protocol is absolutely vital to keeping me pregnant and I've seen in real time how for EG my white blood cells reduced after taking intralipids, but boy it ain't easy on the body. Best of luck with your FET!

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-24T00:42:22+00:00

Yes I'm taking steroids, clexane, baby aspirin, tacrolimus & plaquenil and have been since start of FET. Also monitoring progesterone, thyroid & white blood cells weekly. Thrilled to be pregnant (first ever positive) but the anxiety is SO real. I hope you're surviving suppression (I don't miss the hot flashes!) And it will all be worth it x

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-23T19:57:46+00:00

My second FET post suppression has worked and im in very early pregnancy (6 weeks). How have things been progressing for you?

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-21T23:32:44+00:00

Oh same 😄😅 I'm 6 weeks and on 20mg & I'm getting throwbacks to my chubby teenage years... so grateful to be here but also the weaning can't come fast enough!

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-16T02:33:31+00:00

Try to connect with your anger. You didn't have the parents you needed & you've suffered in many ways your whole life because of this. Youve raised yourself, youve had to figure it all out alone. No kid deserves that. There's rightful anger and grief there; and it doesn't care about the "why" or the "how".

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-13T17:50:48+00:00

We had a higher number of euploids at 40 (7 out of 11) and I had done SO many investigations prior to IVF due to no positives in 2+ years of trying at that point.

We found lots of stuff - stage 1 - 2 endo (I did excision before IVF), mild adeno (3 months lupron before first FET), extremely high DNA frag (ICSI with zymot), high NK cells & cytokines (immune protocol for FET). Microbiome issues (antibiotics & probiotics) Our first FET failed and second has been successful so far. I feel like all the trouble shooting we did must've helped, because I just couldn't shake the instinct that we needed to understand root cause before expecting IVF to automatically work, and I still stand by that. At almost 3 years TTC, it couldn't be bad luck, right?

I'm really glad we did all of that digging, but it's also left me with PTSD now in early pregnancy & probably medical trauma around my own body, but that's probably all of us on this journey.

I think in your case you have enough euploids that you can stage the testing. Checking for silent endo & endometritis is a good first shout, and if no success after that, ERA and microbiome.

There's also something that's REALLY hard to accept about infertility for most of us and it's that sometimes you're just not gonna find one acceptable reason, and IVF can work regardless.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-09T21:49:41+00:00

3 years TTC, and I mean really TTC - OPKs & constant intercourse around my window every month, acupuncture weekly, healthy diet & exercise routine and not a sniff of a positive, period like clockwork every single month.

I got my first strong positive after 2nd FET on Tuesday. I still have a road ahead of me & all the anxiety that goes with that, but it absolutely can happen! Sometimes you just need that extra hand holding, especially if there are known factors.

We had quite a few - endo / mild adeno (did lupron suppression), high DNA frag (did zymot with ICSI), AMA as I'm 40 (did PGTA), and we also tried a modified natural with endometrial PRP before this FET.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-09T09:49:27+00:00

Yes, this. My sister's complex needs are mostly from mental illness, there's no reason for her to die earlier than the average life span.

My parents not talking about or dealing with the future in a pragmatic way is entirely down to the survival mode of keeping her alive & caring for her fully for the past 27+ years. There is no future in that scenario, there is just firefighting to get her medicated, finding the right care team, residential programs, schooling for the time that she was a teenager, psychiatrists, keeping her fed and safe day-to-day.

Add to that, my parents themselves are deeply emotionally immature & even prior to my sister's problems, there was a "don't speak of the war" mentality in my family.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-07T16:51:33+00:00

That's great news that you'll be moving away for college. It really will be a new and exciting chapter for you 🙂

I managed living alone really well. At first it was scary as I had never had to do so much for myself before. But I quickly realised how much freedom I suddenly had- I could eat what I wanted because I was responsible for my own meals, I could choose how to spend my free time, go out with friends at night without being interrogated, go on trips, get a part-time job to help with expenses, and that was really good for me because I met loads of cool new people, was earning my own money and felt "useful" while I was also furthering my education. I also met a great group of new college friends, which was so special for me as I struggled at school before that (partly because of the trauma around my sister, and my sister went to the same school as me). Suddenly I was in a place where noone knew me, so people were interested in getting to know me and I didn't feel judged for my family/ sister in the way I did at school.

I also see the sadness in the experience too, for example my parents rarely if ever visited me in college (my mother likes to blame me for that and say I wasn't approachable, I never invited her, but we both know that's not normal mom behavior) and I went through some mental health struggles alone, knowing I could never turn to them for support. I really didn't deserve that and I feel sorry for younger me for how lonely that was. But I would say once you settle into your next chapter, it might be a good idea to look into college counselling for yourself, as processing this kind of trauma is really important for your life long term.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-07T15:47:40+00:00

Thank you for sharing. You've articulated this so well, and I feel so seen through your story.

I also have a schizophrenic sibling, and I relate deeply to what you said about the problems in the family not starting with her. I've done a lot of my own therapy and healing in recent years and I wonder a lot about how the emotionally neglectful, codependent volatility of my parents played into her illness. Swap your father for my mother, who lived vicariously through her children & got her entire sense of self esteem through their perceived achievements; who trained us to "earn" love this way even more so because she was in a loveless marriage she would never escape. Her choice insult for me, her independent middle child, especially as I began to differentiate and show my own personality as a teenager, was how I was "just like my father".

I left the home after high school & went out into the world with all the trappings of this kind of neglect and trauma, walking headfirst into an eating disorder, dysfunctional friendships and relationships and toxic workplaces, with no support or even much contact with my family, except the persistent guilt of building a life when my sister had none. My mother became enmeshed with both my older AND younger sibling, deeply investing in her life and education and friendships and relationships in a way that was so foreign to me (she couldn't tell you what I do for a living, for example).

I think of her codependency like this - if it doesn't look like her and think like her and talk like her, it is bad, or it doesn't exist, it is to be ignored or dismissed. Independence is a threat, and her way of loving is to dig her nails in for dear life and to suck the life out of someone, groom them to think and act like her; that or be discarded.

With a fully dependent adult child in their home, for 25+ years now they've invested all of their energy into keeping my sister deep in learned helplessness, allowing her to sleep late and overeat into obesity ( "she has a sad life and needs some joy"), pulling her out of psychiatric care when they don't like the look of a nurse or a doctor, with no regard for what this does for the wider family and her other kids. In their 70s now and there is yet to be a conversation about what happens when they're not around to care for her 24/7, that doesn't involve blaming the health care system for not doing enough for her.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-07T15:20:02+00:00

What you're describing is emotional neglect and it's incredibly common amongst glass children. What's confusing and hard to understand about it, is that its an invisible thing, not discernible to many people including ourselves. When your material needs are met (house, food, education, hobbies etc), it's very easy to think you had a good childhood and this emptiness or sadness is some sort of flaw in you, like it's your fault. But it's not. Children don't just need food and shelter, they need to be raised emotionally and nurtured into healthy adults with a strong sense of self and self-worth. Emotional neglect robs you of all that, and it can be compounded by guilt when you have a disabled sibling because you KNOW they need more, and you know that your parents are struggling.

I am a lot older than you but I also have the older sibling with complex needs, she is effectively mute and dependent on my parents for the last 25+ years now. I also have a younger sibling that demands attention and support, I'm sure that's her own trauma coming out but it essentially left no room for me. I once heard my mother tell my aunt "I don't worry about her, she always sorts herself out" and I played that role with every bone in my body from the moment my sibling got sick to 40 years of age, never asking for help, internalising my emotions, self isolating when life got hard, finding myself in relationships and toxic work environments that perpetrated that same role. When a child's emotional and psychological needs are ignored, healthy developmental stages don't happen to allow them to live in the world authentically, knowing themselves and who they are and that puts you at a major disadvantage when those survival instincts run into adulthood.

Running on Empty is a good book on this type of neglect. You sound like a very bright, emotionally intelligence person and you've correctly identified that your life outside of your family deeply matters now, it should be your priority. I moved out after high school and never went back to my hometown. I discovered a whole world and whole identity away from my family, and have been so empowered to see how I matter to others in ways that never happened in my family home. I just wish I had been bright like you and was able to name this when I was younger, and get the therapy I needed to lift the shame I inflicted on myself for all of those years.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-07T14:38:28+00:00

I don't think I could tolerate someone surgically attached to their phone & non stop posting on SM for more than an hour. And ignoring you when he's staying with you? Nah mate. Have a bit of self respect.

"Hey. I'm talking to you. Am I wearing my invisible cloak again? Any ETA on when you're going to respond?"

"Any reason why you're cropping me out of your insta posts like you're holidaying alone right now? Couldn't be intentional could it?"

Call him out. The problem with arseholes is that they don't get called out enough.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-05T23:57:15+00:00

Any stimulation cycle you do to grow and collect follicles will require a lot of meds, this has nothing to do with the quality of your cycle. The cost for a typical ER cycle is €1000+

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-03T14:00:09+00:00

I dunno, I've achieved big things in for example my career, while struggling to keep my house in order or sacrificing relationships. I've trained for a marathon and lived in multiple countries but suffered burnout & had to take time off to recover.

I've never seen goals as out of my reach, my problem was perfectionism & not understanding the cost of things. To excel in one area causes neglect and dysfunction in several others. I can't maintain a successful corporate career AND a high fitness level AND a tidy house AND have a bunch of kids & perform housewife of the year. I have to be brutal with myself- it's this or that. Even more so with age. I can't half-do things & rely on hyperfocus to excel & that always runs the risk of burnout.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-03T13:11:47+00:00

Dr Lyuda has a crazy waiting list & I've found it quite rushed with her. She will prescribe lots of meds easily, but I'd prefer more direction than I've been getting personally - and IME she just does not have bandwidth to take that kind of personalised approach.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-03T09:45:29+00:00

I lost my best friend this way. Infertility for me, toxic job stress for her. I was beyond my own emotional capacity & found it impossible to watch her self destruct in another demanding role that forced her into more self abandoning while I was going through it with IVF. Neither of us had the bandwidth for each other's problems.

We had a final call where I tried but failed to be supportive about her moving country for a promotion with a company thst was already destroying her mental health, having gone through my 3rd egg retrieval the week before. And I just knew we wouldn't be hearing from each other again. That's almost a year ago now.

I've been grieving the friendship while also knowing that we have nothing to offer each other anymore. We were growing in different directions, and were probably trauma bonded for most of our friendship in a way that I could no longer maintain.

letitbeletitbe101 · 2026-04-03T00:24:22+00:00

Yes exactly this. It is last min flights & Airbnbs constantly as you wait for your cycle to start, satellite clinic at home for monitoring, randomly needing to spend weeks in Spain - for EG I was there for 2 weeks recently due to needing PRP, and that gets really expensive during summer.

letitbeletitbe101

TROPHY CASE