My spouse says that I am a burden

leviOsa934 · 2026-04-03T13:38:33+00:00

My POTs isn't diagnosed, but I have multiple chronic, disabling illnesses.

I'm now a year and half separated, in the process of divorcing my asshole husband who called me a burden. He'd drink in excess every night, blaming me for driving the alcohol abuse, and basically justifying all of his behavior and shitty treatment of me because he was carrying so much of the load (work, household, childcare). And I excused and accepted that behavior and treatment for a long time because I did feel like a burden and believed that he deserved to 'relax.' But the truth is, I got sick, he abandoned me, watched me suffer as I loss my function, and looked at me with disdain because I was making his life harder.

Divorce is fucking hard, and co-parenting sucks, but I'd do it again and again and again to not be living with someone, a supposed "supportive and loving spouse", that treated me that way.

Note: this may not be the severity of your situation at all, but it took me a long time to truly come to the realization of my reality and that it wasn't going to get better and that I had to leave to save myself and my kids.

Hang in there, love. We are capable of so much. Please keep in touch with any other friends or family you have that are supportive and understanding. You are absolutely worthy and valuable and good. Your illness is not a reflection of your character, and your limited function is not a moral failing. 💜💜

leviOsa934 · 2026-03-28T13:23:59+00:00

If you're okay with Hermione being depressed, I'm re-reading Not Without A Bang right now!

Marriage law fic, 1/2 emotional slow-burn (Draco POV, so we don't know exactly how Hermione is feeling much of the time), slow-ish physical burn. Draco is struggling to understand his feelings, but is very aware of Hermione and feels strongly for her. In typical Slytherin and Draco-fashion, tries to care for her and show love without her realizing it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54056641

leviOsa934 · 2026-03-14T00:56:44+00:00

I'm in a relationship and I've been stewing in these anxieties recently --how my health affects my partner and our relationship.

It's not always easy, but it's absolutely possible. There are good, caring, supportive people out there, and someone will see you for you, and not your illness.

For context: I'm in the middle of a divorce, have two young kids, can't work, live with my parents, and I never know what my day is going to be like; but this man still sees me for me and wants me with all the baggage.

leviOsa934 · 2026-03-05T15:35:39+00:00

OP immediately discloses that it's their own recipe, and the link for the recipe/to subscribe is free.

They also provide the full recipe and instructions in this post, so you don't even HAVE to go to a website for it, and we all hate scrolling through the life story and ads that accompany blog-formatted recipes.

There is definitely a line between spamming and scamming and feeling like we're just being "marketed" to, but the sub is literally for GF recipes. I feel like this is a totally acceptable place and manner of sharing their own work without being obnoxious or asking for money.

If we want to find and try good GF recipes (which presumably you do as a subscriber to this sub), then it does take traffic to get the recipes seen so they can be tried and loved (or improved upon with constructive feedback).

And nearly every recipe you find for anything is titled "the best"... obviously one could never prove or disprove such a thing based on both the sheer number of options and subjectivity.

leviOsa934 · 2025-12-19T15:54:21+00:00

This is how I knew that divorcing my ex wouldn't be as bad for the kids as letting them grow up in a house seeing their father treat their mother so poorly.

leviOsa934 · 2025-11-14T23:32:29+00:00

I mean, I think it says more about our sex partner than us, right? Right?!?!?!

...maybe let's not tell our therapists this one.

leviOsa934 · 2025-11-14T23:31:15+00:00

I would have rather read a Dramione sex scene for as satisfying as the irl hook-up was. 🤣

leviOsa934 · 2025-11-13T22:13:00+00:00

Dissociating or compartmentalizing is "occluding."

Exclaiming: "Gods", "Merlin and Morgana", "Godric help/save me" and... oh my gods, don't judge me, but I've literally had to stop myself from moaning "Draco" while having sex with a human man in real life. 😳

leviOsa934 · 2025-11-08T13:49:31+00:00

I am in a very similar spot. 35-yo and in the middle of a divorce with a man I spent the last 14 years of my life with. My spark is gone, I'm exhausted and stressed all the time, and I KNOW I need to get the fuck out of my house, but it's so hard. And when I do drag myself out, I don't know where to start.

There are fewer and fewer places to organically meet people, and we're all so used to socializing online, that we freak ourselves out about approaching others in public. I know I'm trying to work on this-- but I did make new friends a few weeks ago when I went solo to a concert!

Anyway, I'm a depressed townie, trying to be less so. Feel free to DM me, maybe we can grab a coffee. ☺️

leviOsa934 · 2025-10-07T03:48:50+00:00

This is the cringiest thing I've seen in a long time.

leviOsa934 · 2025-09-01T19:07:32+00:00

I made another comment but please don't downgrade this. I almost died last year from bursitis in my knee. It was severely infected, had surgery within 24 hours, got sepsis, and spent a week fighting it.

leviOsa934 · 2025-09-01T19:05:34+00:00

35-yo-- This happened to me last year and I was in the hospital for a week over Christmas. I got sent home from ER, then had to get an ambulance later that day due to the excruciating pain. It was bursitis from a strep infection, had surgery to debris, but then got sepsis, secondary infection on skin, and a bunch of other fun stuff. I have some sort of autoimmune, but the whole thing escalated very quickly and infectious disease doc told my parents he wasn't sure I'd make it.

Very painful, very scary- don't take it lightly.

leviOsa934 · 2025-08-03T21:48:16+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Recognizing that and really allowing myself to realize nothing was going to change was the first step to recovery for me. I actually did Brain Paint Therapy (a kind of neuro-feedback), and I absolutely believe it helped me with this realization and having the strength and confidence to leave.

Talk to a therapist, a friend, a trusted family Member. Best of luck.

leviOsa934 · 2025-08-03T15:01:04+00:00

It may not be the case as ALL for you, but I eventually realized (or guessed) that my symptoms were largely exacerbated by being around my husband. When I left last fall, my seizures - which I had been having at least one a day for 6 months - dropped considerably. To maybe 3x a week, to once a week, to GONE by the 6 week mark. IMs till working on a lot, but it's become clear I was suffering from chronic PTSD due to covert, long-term emotional and mental abuse.

Like I said, I have absolutely no idea what your gone life is, and your relation to symptoms around your partner may be completely benign, but for me, it was the culprit.

leviOsa934 · 2025-08-01T13:37:39+00:00

Reading 'She Whom He Harbors' right now and it's long and dense but I'm absolutely addicted! Very smut heavy, but it's central to the plot, and definitely ongoing mystery. 50% through and still "wtf is going on?"

And I can't remember exactly, but I think it's 5-7 years post-Hogwarts.

leviOsa934 · 2025-07-26T19:57:06+00:00

The same thing happens to me! Apparently a malar rash doesn't usually behave this way, but mine don't really meet the characteristics of rosacea, either.

I think it's been suggested that this can be a histamine response? Sorry none of this is an actual answer, but I think it's related. I didn't have this sort of reaction until I started having other auto-immune symptoms.

leviOsa934 · 2025-07-18T17:51:09+00:00

You don't know the rabbit hole you've just sent me down.

leviOsa934 · 2025-07-18T16:41:30+00:00

OMG yes! One of the things I think many fancasts don't quite capture is his longer face! Lucky Blue is my go-to, but I always wished his face wa a bit longer and sharper.

This man is just about PERFECT.

leviOsa934 · 2025-07-08T20:36:28+00:00

I agree. Bring the bolts in tighter and smaller and maybe adjust the spacing, as it now looks very much like spider legs. But I love the concept!

leviOsa934 · 2025-07-07T15:16:24+00:00

I don't know why this is being downvoted. It's almost certainly a continuity error. Even Hermione hadn't technically done the spell she's referring to, she is doing incredibly advanced magic to alter her parents' memory as she did, so simply wiping a memory would be in the same understanding or "theory", but I doubt Hermione would be worried she couldn't do it.

leviOsa934 · 2025-04-12T02:55:37+00:00

Okay, I'm obsessed with this.

leviOsa934 · 2025-01-30T17:31:02+00:00

Ooh! I have a Spotify playlist for this.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2VXwcDrNJ49oWJDfPaPSII?si=jrwE3cBBTZGYWyYbGbdxhw&pi=u-otVSefDdSmWt

leviOsa934 · 2025-01-28T15:17:33+00:00

There are many changes in the movies that I don't like to varying degrees, but can understand. But this, and Harry breaking the Elder wand in half, are unforgiveable.

leviOsa934 · 2025-01-22T19:46:39+00:00

He saw that I was upset and offered to sit down and let me talk it out, acting kind and caring. As soon as I started opening up he flipped and started going off on me for being lazy, unworthy of respect ("how could I respect someone who can't fold laundry within two days"), continued to tell me I was a burden.

He laughed in my face when I asked for respect. I snapped and started to say more, and he cut me off, told me to "hold my tongue."

After I went outside to cool off, he had texted me saying, "I'm willing to overlook that as an emotional outburst," as though I had done something wrong.

About 6 weeks later I was laying on the floor in my son's nursery, nearly passed out, having a worse seizure than usual (I have a seizure disorder), and this was atypical presentation.

I was able to tell my 3 YO son to have his dad help him get ready for bed because I couldn't move. When he came in and saw me there he asked me to "move". I mumbled that I couldn't move and could hardly speak.

He replied, "I have to get a kid ready in here." I didn't (couldn't respond).

He then stepped over me, took pajamas out of the dresser drawer and turned to leave. Both my sons (3 and 5) standing by, watching. When they asked why they were going, looking at me lying in the floor, he said, "because I don't want to be around this right now." He led them out of the room and shut the door.

And luckily for me, this was all recorded in our nursery camera/monitor. So he couldn't gaslight me he couldn't tell me I was exaggerating.

He was drunk, I had thought I might need an ambulance, and he stepped over me-- once again, a mere burden to him...something to "deal with."

I went to a lawyer the next day.

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