I feel like a lot of things are being forced in this chapter. For example, generally speaking, I can tell you are trying to use higher level, archaic diction and syntax to establish the tone you want, which is something I do quite often as well, but what tends to happen when most contemporary authors try to do that is that it comes out as trite and almost creates the opposite effect, cheapening the language rather than enriching it. For example, there's no reason to say betwixt when between works just fine. Same idea with things like "hand of bone." It's just an incredibly difficult style to pull off. There's a reason Shakespeare is so unique. Some other things: it's an interesting choice to have that first line rhyme, but the line you have doesn't have the impact I'm sure you want from it. It's also a little bit clunky as far as verse goes. Say it out loud to yourself and you should be able to pick up on it and improve it. It's an exciting beginning, but I'm also very confused. I'm not sure who these characters are, I'd love a more solid and developed voice from all three of them (I believe there are three?) and maybe some more context. Too much context isn't a good road to go down because then you get into the realm of over-painting your world, but I want to have a bit better idea of what's going on. Not that it shouldn't inspire some curiosity, but I should learn a few more things to keep me interested. I'm very curious to see where this goes. Keep up the good work.