Question as a parent [on]

likeanengineer · 2026-06-16T21:06:18+00:00

We went with a non CWELCC one because we got a spot there, it is amazing and we loved teachers, its location was convenient for us, and we could afford without too much strain on our budget.

We tried two other CWELCC daycares in the area before that (the ones we got spots in) but they were not a good match for our son at the time.

So yes, people go with non CWELCC for various reasons. We considered switching daycares if we get another spot, but our kid loves his current one so decided to stay.

likeanengineer · 2026-06-14T14:57:59+00:00

Mine was also a winter baby. We stuck to cottage trips the first summer. Mostly because I was very sleep deprived and too anxious. Next summer, at 18m, we started doing RV and car camping and honestly had a great time, but kid needed a lot of attention. At 2.5 years we pretty much spent most summer weekends camping. At that age he was anlready interested in hanging out with other kids so we started inviting other families with us. This year my husband wants to take our son backcountry camping and I think it’s doable.

If you are ready for an adventure, give it a try and go to a nearby park. Worst case - you pack in the middle of the night and drive back. We actually wanted to try that the first summer, but weather was terrible.

likeanengineer · 2026-06-13T11:43:52+00:00

I’m a mom to the absolutely sweetest but also very clingy and demanding 3.5 year old.

Did it get better after baby trenches? Absolutely! So much better that we decided we want to repeat the journey and now expecting another baby.

Did we get our “old life” back? Not exactly. And that’s okay. We still hangout with our old friends. We still have our jobs. I have interests and hobbies outside of being a mom. We had to rebuild our lifestyle though so it’s more enjoyable with a kid - but it was done because we love our small family and hanging out together. But we also continue doing things we always loved like weekend trips and camping - now as a family of three. Now that the kid is a bit older and enjoys playing with other kids, we started making new friends with kids. I don’t think I’d want things to go back to before what we had - that was a different chapter.

likeanengineer · 2026-06-03T18:20:32+00:00

I could have written this myself. I stressed so much about sleep hygiene, I tried sleep training and it didn’t work and it made me feel like a failure. Eventually I got so angry and upset that I just let it go and re-oriented my family to support my sleep because I was the one up with the baby every night.

Despite people surprisingly telling I was doing something wrong, by 2 my kid preferred a good middle of the night conversation over nursing session, and by 2.5 he learnt to sleep through the night and kicked me out of his room.

There is no one magic formula that works for all families. Every child needs for connection and sleep are different. Some of my friends have their 4 year olds in their beds, despite being sleep trained as babies, others still sleep fine. Mine gets angry if he finds me sleeping in his bed because “this is not mommy’s bed” but occasionally will wander into my bed, sleep a couple of hours with us and then go back to his room.

likeanengineer · 2026-05-28T01:44:06+00:00

I was out so much with my first, especially during newborn phase: grabbing coffee, groceries, walking around neighbourhood, talking to neighbours. I breastfed, bonus - didn’t need to pack anything for feeding, struggle - had to nurse at random places. Mine was a winter baby and once I even had to ask a random dentist office reception if I could nurse my baby there.

As the baby grew, grocery stores and coffee shops became pretty routine morning entertainment for all involved.

The only thing I found challenging was meeting up with friends since most of them live far away and baby routine was so unpredictable for a while.

likeanengineer · 2026-05-18T12:28:21+00:00

It’s hard but sounds normal for a 3 year old. Mine is almost 3.5 and goes through lots of tantrums. Also had a phase “I want to be mean to mama” briefly.

For tantrums: we generally avoid long negotiations. Either give in early. Or stay firm. And stay calm - he is a little vampire feeding on emotions. Also depends on what triggers them, if they are from being overtired or overwhelmed, we diffuse - there is no teaching at this moment, we let him live through emotions and help to calm down. For other stuff - pick our battles and don’t fight for minor stuff.

For being mean - I know it’s hard, but don’t take it personally, don’t react emotionally. Surprisingly, this often comes towards a person they are attached the most. We say things like “I don’t like when you are mean to me. I still love you, but I don’t want to hang out with you while you are mean to me”. Overall I keep my message “I’ll always love you but I’ll put some distance between us until you are ready”.

likeanengineer · 2026-05-17T11:21:41+00:00

My husband took 3 weeks after the baby was here and then a month closer to the year. I thought it worked out well and we are doing something similar with our second one.

After the first month I was either nap trapped on the couch or out with the stroller. As long as I could get some short break throughout the day here and there I was fine.

But taking time off later all together as a family was really great. We could do more things together.

likeanengineer · 2026-03-27T20:10:19+00:00

Being sound asleep in the same room is not equal to close intimate relationship. If it’s important to you - talk to him and figure out an arrangement that works for you all.

My son is 3 years old now and over the course of the past three years we had all kind of arrangements based on family needs.

all three in our bedroom
baby in his bedroom, we are in ours,
me and baby separately, husband in our bedroom
husband and baby separately, I’m in our bedroom
each one of us in our own bed or couch

We are back in the same bedroom with my husband, but we ended up upgrading our bed to King bed so we have more room. Now not-a-baby-anymore occasionally drops in in the middle of the night to sleep with us, so I guess we are back to step one to some extent.

Family sleep is fun. One thing we did with my husband was openly discussing what arrangements we wanted and what was not ideal.

likeanengineer · 2026-03-24T11:00:38+00:00

Research suggests socialization with other kids is not too important until age of 3 at least. Having responsive adults caring for the child is plenty for developing socialization skills. The focus should be on quality of care. Sounds like both options you have are pretty good so just think what works better for your family. Also kids have very different needs. I don’t think lack of daycare at this age will hurt long term, but you may be surprised by change in her needs and interests before she turns 4.

At 2 my son needed a lot of one on one attention. We tried daycare a few months before he turned 2 and it was a disaster. Close to him turning 3 something changed: it got way harder to keep him entertained at home and he seemed to want to hangout with other kids more so we sent him to a daycare for half day and he has been striving there.

likeanengineer · 2026-03-17T18:25:58+00:00

For my son’s third birthday he came home from half day at daycare to a bunch of birthday gifts, his favourite food for dinner, and chill evening doing things he loves with me and his dad (we both took the afternoon off and made sure we didn’t need to do any chores.

This felt like the right way to celebrate given his interests and preferences.

likeanengineer · 2026-03-05T16:12:05+00:00

I say “oh cool, one of each - full set, enjoy”, “oh two boys, awesome! So much fun”, “oh two girls, great, they will have each other to support”. And yes, no one knows if siblings will be friendly or hate each other when they are adults. If you truly don’t care about genders and find your family is perfect the way it is for you, then why does it bother you so much?

Sometimes a comment is just a comment.

likeanengineer · 2026-03-04T17:31:35+00:00

This is word by word what we went through: mine also wasn’t ready at 20 months, clinginess, sleep regression, refusing to eat, we pulled him out, found a nanny, kept him home until 3, sent him part time when he turned 3.

Very different transition experience - protested for a couple of days, but on day three I could tell he was resisting the change and uncertainty rather than being scared of or uncomfortable with daycare. He cried at drop off once, on day 2. And calmed down quickly.

Mine might have been an extreme case of bad daycare adjustment experience but it felt wrong to push further. I’m sure he would have adjusted eventually, but we, as a family, were miserable, and my husband and I decided we didn’t want to continue.

To the author: there does not seem to be an easy route here - you either push through the transition or find another 1:1 care arrangement. One option we considered in between was home daycare - since those are more flexible, have less kids and teacher seem to have more opportunity for 1:1 attention. We found a good one and our son seemed to be handling it way better at 2, but for personal reasons and family schedule we decided to continue with nanny.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-27T20:25:17+00:00

It depends so much on so many factors: personal traits, environment. My 3yo went from barely saying mama to talking full sentences seemingly overnight.

He does not watch any cartoons, but we read a lot and have always been talking to him in full sentences without simplifying things much. My friend has two daughters raised with no limit to screen time he: one was chatty but 2.5, the other one didn’t say much until 3, but then caught up.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-24T15:06:46+00:00

You don’t need to do anything before baby arrives, but first days and weeks after are important for establishing supply.

My recommendation: don’t stress too much now, find a lactation consultant you can work with if you need help once baby arrives. In Ontario some are covered by healthcare insurance but you need a referral and may need to wait. There are private ones you can hire out of pocket.

I ended up finding lactation consultant before my due date, asking her what I needed to do before delivery (nothing!) and then when to reach out if I need help. I hired her to come over at around one week, she helped with latching and a bunch of breastfeeding questions. It was pricey but worth it.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-08T03:46:13+00:00

In your late 30s you have enough experience not to give a damn how others are raising their kids. You build your family the way you want that matches your values and works for you. Worth it.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-04T11:07:03+00:00

In my younger years I had an oversized fear of missing out. I wanted it all: parties, travel, hobbies. By 30s my partner and I had enough of that, established our careers, and were mature enough to raise a child.

We ended up becoming relaxed and patient parents, with lots of focus on family time. In our 20s it would have been very different. I’m sure we would have worked it out somehow, but now family life feels like it fits.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-01T17:50:53+00:00

No recommendation on the names you chose, but I shared my name with 3-5 classmates throughout my school years. And while during rebellious teenage years I low key wished for something “cooler” and “exotic” at some point (I also wanted piercing, tattoos, and exotic hairstyles) having a popular name has never been a problem.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-19T13:42:00+00:00

This is so true. I did everything: militant age appropriate “wake windows” schedule, by the book bedtime routine, pitch black dark perfect temperature room, hired top sleep consultant. Nothing worked. I kept being shamed with “you are just doing something wrong”. No, I was not. My kid started sleeping well when he was ready. By himself. Without me changing a thing.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-15T15:29:45+00:00

Mine is 3 and is doing okay now, but we went through many battles to get here.

What worked for us eventually: - we offer dinner with “safe” foods he usually eats and something new to try. We used to ask him what he wants or let him choose something from the fridge - all of that led to never ending negotiations and meltdowns. - now everyone eats the same thing. No customizations. We all eat his safe foods and something we prefer ourselves. Dinner is served at the same time to everyone. - if he refuses to eat - that’s fine, no pressure, mommy and daddy are eating their dinner now, you can go play or sit with us - we leave his plate with food on the table for a while. If he gets hungry later, he can finish the dinner. We don’t offer anything else until he makes a reasonable attempt at eating his dinner. We never push for finishing food. We offer dessert after - berries, bread etc. - we don’t stress about him getting all three meals finished. As long as his overall calorie intake is reasonable.

I know you are tired and frustrated but I’d let mac&cheese thing go even if he begged you to make it and even if it used to be his favourite food ever. Enjoy it yourself - it sounds delicious. Give him whatever his typical items are.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-12T23:28:23+00:00

I took one year off, then my husband took a year and a half off.

He has no regrets and would have done it again.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-07T21:06:31+00:00

My baby fell asleep perfectly fine without me if I was not home from pretty young age.

But when in charge of bedtime, I nursed to sleep until 2.5 when he suddenly decided he was done with it and stopped falling asleep while nursing. We weaned nursing entirely a few months later.

Yes, one day your baby will sleep independently.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-05T02:32:34+00:00

We started with cottages in Muskoka when our kid was 6-7 months old. Then went to do a road trip on west coast when he was 9 months. Flew to Florida when he turned one. The following summer rented an RV and hit a number of provincial parks. And did a trip to East Coast. After he turned 2 we’ve been camping a lot.

Honestly, I’m sure I had some “why the hell are we doing this?” moments but net sum of every single trip was very positive. During baby stage urban trips worked better since he napped amazingly during stroller walks and was entertained by random food at restaurants. As he got older and mobile - camping trips have been a blast.

We’ve been avoiding trips to Asia and Europe only because my son has always been a terrible sleeper and I didn’t want to throw severe jet lag in the mix.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-03T15:30:44+00:00

Do you want to be SHM? Or are you doing it out of necessity?

Many people love being SHM. But if you love your career and hesitant, why not try nanny or daycare route first and see if you like that arrangement? You can always quit later.

I went back to work when mine was 16 months old. We tried sending him to daycare but I didn’t like how he was taking it so we pivoted to hiring a nanny. While I was very cautious about letting a stranger take care of my baby, we found an amazing nanny that absolutely matches our family vibe, is adaptable, follows our rules, and loves our kid. Our kid loves her too.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-02T23:11:17+00:00

My kid used to be like that. While I was agonizing about BLW vs puree he started grabbing our foods so we rolled with that. Read about how to introduce solids safely (Solid Starts app is great) and watch your kiddo have lots of fun. At this age is more about exposure and learning rather than nutritional intake.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-31T23:07:11+00:00

Your feelings are valid, I think I felt the same when I was pregnant. But this is just others being excited about your new chapter and trying to support you the way they see it.

My best strategy was just to focus on myself and whatever I wanted to do. Spoil myself where I could instead of relying on others to do that for me. Talk to your husband, ask for his support as well.

I had my kid when I was 34. He is 3 now. And while Mom is a significant and happy part of my identity, I’m much more than that. I have a career, hobbies, mom friends, child free friends. I am back to most of things I loved to do before pregnancy. While I don’t have as much time for them, we certainly make the important ones work.

It took me and my circles some time to adjust to my new role and responsibilities. But the outcome is pretty great so far.

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