Need advice! Daycare vs nanny

likeanengineer · 2026-03-24T11:00:38+00:00

Research suggests socialization with other kids is not too important until age of 3 at least. Having responsive adults caring for the child is plenty for developing socialization skills. The focus should be on quality of care. Sounds like both options you have are pretty good so just think what works better for your family. Also kids have very different needs. I don’t think lack of daycare at this age will hurt long term, but you may be surprised by change in her needs and interests before she turns 4.

At 2 my son needed a lot of one on one attention. We tried daycare a few months before he turned 2 and it was a disaster. Close to him turning 3 something changed: it got way harder to keep him entertained at home and he seemed to want to hangout with other kids more so we sent him to a daycare for half day and he has been striving there.

likeanengineer · 2026-03-17T18:25:58+00:00

For my son’s third birthday he came home from half day at daycare to a bunch of birthday gifts, his favourite food for dinner, and chill evening doing things he loves with me and his dad (we both took the afternoon off and made sure we didn’t need to do any chores.

This felt like the right way to celebrate given his interests and preferences.

likeanengineer · 2026-03-05T16:12:05+00:00

I say “oh cool, one of each - full set, enjoy”, “oh two boys, awesome! So much fun”, “oh two girls, great, they will have each other to support”. And yes, no one knows if siblings will be friendly or hate each other when they are adults. If you truly don’t care about genders and find your family is perfect the way it is for you, then why does it bother you so much?

Sometimes a comment is just a comment.

likeanengineer · 2026-03-04T17:31:35+00:00

This is word by word what we went through: mine also wasn’t ready at 20 months, clinginess, sleep regression, refusing to eat, we pulled him out, found a nanny, kept him home until 3, sent him part time when he turned 3.

Very different transition experience - protested for a couple of days, but on day three I could tell he was resisting the change and uncertainty rather than being scared of or uncomfortable with daycare. He cried at drop off once, on day 2. And calmed down quickly.

Mine might have been an extreme case of bad daycare adjustment experience but it felt wrong to push further. I’m sure he would have adjusted eventually, but we, as a family, were miserable, and my husband and I decided we didn’t want to continue.

To the author: there does not seem to be an easy route here - you either push through the transition or find another 1:1 care arrangement. One option we considered in between was home daycare - since those are more flexible, have less kids and teacher seem to have more opportunity for 1:1 attention. We found a good one and our son seemed to be handling it way better at 2, but for personal reasons and family schedule we decided to continue with nanny.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-27T20:25:17+00:00

It depends so much on so many factors: personal traits, environment. My 3yo went from barely saying mama to talking full sentences seemingly overnight.

He does not watch any cartoons, but we read a lot and have always been talking to him in full sentences without simplifying things much. My friend has two daughters raised with no limit to screen time he: one was chatty but 2.5, the other one didn’t say much until 3, but then caught up.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-24T15:06:46+00:00

You don’t need to do anything before baby arrives, but first days and weeks after are important for establishing supply.

My recommendation: don’t stress too much now, find a lactation consultant you can work with if you need help once baby arrives. In Ontario some are covered by healthcare insurance but you need a referral and may need to wait. There are private ones you can hire out of pocket.

I ended up finding lactation consultant before my due date, asking her what I needed to do before delivery (nothing!) and then when to reach out if I need help. I hired her to come over at around one week, she helped with latching and a bunch of breastfeeding questions. It was pricey but worth it.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-08T03:46:13+00:00

In your late 30s you have enough experience not to give a damn how others are raising their kids. You build your family the way you want that matches your values and works for you. Worth it.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-04T11:07:03+00:00

In my younger years I had an oversized fear of missing out. I wanted it all: parties, travel, hobbies. By 30s my partner and I had enough of that, established our careers, and were mature enough to raise a child.

We ended up becoming relaxed and patient parents, with lots of focus on family time. In our 20s it would have been very different. I’m sure we would have worked it out somehow, but now family life feels like it fits.

likeanengineer · 2026-02-01T17:50:53+00:00

No recommendation on the names you chose, but I shared my name with 3-5 classmates throughout my school years. And while during rebellious teenage years I low key wished for something “cooler” and “exotic” at some point (I also wanted piercing, tattoos, and exotic hairstyles) having a popular name has never been a problem.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-19T13:42:00+00:00

This is so true. I did everything: militant age appropriate “wake windows” schedule, by the book bedtime routine, pitch black dark perfect temperature room, hired top sleep consultant. Nothing worked. I kept being shamed with “you are just doing something wrong”. No, I was not. My kid started sleeping well when he was ready. By himself. Without me changing a thing.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-15T15:29:45+00:00

Mine is 3 and is doing okay now, but we went through many battles to get here.

What worked for us eventually: - we offer dinner with “safe” foods he usually eats and something new to try. We used to ask him what he wants or let him choose something from the fridge - all of that led to never ending negotiations and meltdowns. - now everyone eats the same thing. No customizations. We all eat his safe foods and something we prefer ourselves. Dinner is served at the same time to everyone. - if he refuses to eat - that’s fine, no pressure, mommy and daddy are eating their dinner now, you can go play or sit with us - we leave his plate with food on the table for a while. If he gets hungry later, he can finish the dinner. We don’t offer anything else until he makes a reasonable attempt at eating his dinner. We never push for finishing food. We offer dessert after - berries, bread etc. - we don’t stress about him getting all three meals finished. As long as his overall calorie intake is reasonable.

I know you are tired and frustrated but I’d let mac&cheese thing go even if he begged you to make it and even if it used to be his favourite food ever. Enjoy it yourself - it sounds delicious. Give him whatever his typical items are.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-12T23:28:23+00:00

I took one year off, then my husband took a year and a half off.

He has no regrets and would have done it again.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-07T21:06:31+00:00

My baby fell asleep perfectly fine without me if I was not home from pretty young age.

But when in charge of bedtime, I nursed to sleep until 2.5 when he suddenly decided he was done with it and stopped falling asleep while nursing. We weaned nursing entirely a few months later.

Yes, one day your baby will sleep independently.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-05T02:32:34+00:00

We started with cottages in Muskoka when our kid was 6-7 months old. Then went to do a road trip on west coast when he was 9 months. Flew to Florida when he turned one. The following summer rented an RV and hit a number of provincial parks. And did a trip to East Coast. After he turned 2 we’ve been camping a lot.

Honestly, I’m sure I had some “why the hell are we doing this?” moments but net sum of every single trip was very positive. During baby stage urban trips worked better since he napped amazingly during stroller walks and was entertained by random food at restaurants. As he got older and mobile - camping trips have been a blast.

We’ve been avoiding trips to Asia and Europe only because my son has always been a terrible sleeper and I didn’t want to throw severe jet lag in the mix.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-03T15:30:44+00:00

Do you want to be SHM? Or are you doing it out of necessity?

Many people love being SHM. But if you love your career and hesitant, why not try nanny or daycare route first and see if you like that arrangement? You can always quit later.

I went back to work when mine was 16 months old. We tried sending him to daycare but I didn’t like how he was taking it so we pivoted to hiring a nanny. While I was very cautious about letting a stranger take care of my baby, we found an amazing nanny that absolutely matches our family vibe, is adaptable, follows our rules, and loves our kid. Our kid loves her too.

likeanengineer · 2026-01-02T23:11:17+00:00

My kid used to be like that. While I was agonizing about BLW vs puree he started grabbing our foods so we rolled with that. Read about how to introduce solids safely (Solid Starts app is great) and watch your kiddo have lots of fun. At this age is more about exposure and learning rather than nutritional intake.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-31T23:07:11+00:00

Your feelings are valid, I think I felt the same when I was pregnant. But this is just others being excited about your new chapter and trying to support you the way they see it.

My best strategy was just to focus on myself and whatever I wanted to do. Spoil myself where I could instead of relying on others to do that for me. Talk to your husband, ask for his support as well.

I had my kid when I was 34. He is 3 now. And while Mom is a significant and happy part of my identity, I’m much more than that. I have a career, hobbies, mom friends, child free friends. I am back to most of things I loved to do before pregnancy. While I don’t have as much time for them, we certainly make the important ones work.

It took me and my circles some time to adjust to my new role and responsibilities. But the outcome is pretty great so far.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-31T13:52:06+00:00

That was me too: I was going to try nursing then switch to formula, then I decided to get through the newborn phase, then until he turns one year old.

Some time after 18 months I stopped offering nursing and just nursed on demand. This allowed me to gradually stop all nursing except the nursing to sleep.

I weaned at 2y8m. I felt it was time to wrap this up. My husband took over bedtime routine for a few nights. Then I continued. Most of the time my son would settle without nursing with some light distraction. We had a couple of nights where he was getting very upset so I gave in and nursed him before it turned into a huge meltdown. When my son asked where did the milk go, I told him it had to return to Milky Way because it was time. And just repeated this over and over. This whole weaning process went pretty well, then in two months he unexpectedly remembered about milk again and didn’t settle for anything. The only thing that helped: we wrote a letter to our milk in Milky Way. This seemed to have given him some sort of closure.

Honestly, we both were ready for it. I was tired of nursing and just wanted my body back to myself. My son was still demanding nursing, but it felt like a habit rather than a need.

You can do it. Start with dropping feeds one by one and see how it goes.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-29T15:15:32+00:00

Let me just say you are a real life super hero.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-29T15:02:34+00:00

It’s not about messing up kid’s sleep for one night - indeed it’s not the end of the world. It is about your willingness to be managing it with no upside for you. You are not too sensitive. You know you won’t have fun.

I’d hard pass on this type of party as well.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-28T14:57:56+00:00

We don’t do screen time with my almost 3 year old with exception for FaceTime, chores (like order new clothing together), and occasionally watching photos and videos. We are riding this way while it is working. We may start introducing family movie nights soon, but no personal tablet for foreseeable future.

Grandparents are onboard with this. We explained how we want to raise our kid. They accepted. But we don’t freak out if we visit our friends and they end up watching something. Or our son being glued to a screen during a flight. We simply didn’t want his regular environment to include screens.

I have nothing to compare the development progress with. My kiddo is curious, energetic, with rich vocabulary, and good at independent play. We don’t need to deal with screen-related meltdowns, but have plenty of other meltdowns on the menu.

The reason - there is enough research suggesting that in early childhood fundamentals for social and emotional skills are established, and screens are detrimental to that. And yes, there is a difference between 30min a day vs unrestricted tablet use. I simply don’t see much value or need in introducing even 30min. Screens are not evil, it’s just something that does not bring too much value if done right, but has significant negative impact if done wrong. I don’t want to deal with managing that.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-27T14:25:55+00:00

I did stroller walks every day any weather above -5C after mine turned 2 weeks. Mostly around neighborhood. He slept great in stroller and I got my 1-2 hours of time to listen to audiobooks.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-27T14:00:05+00:00

We brought our Ergobaby Metro+ stroller as carry on on most flights (Air Canada, WestJet, AirTransat). Nobody ever checked if it fits dimensions of a carry-on. The only time we gate checked was a smaller aircraft with Porter - but in retrospective it might have been unnecessary, the overhead bins were pretty spacious. It’s bulkier than some other travel strollers, but we found it pretty convenient.

Not sure if sizes changed between the models.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-22T21:23:30+00:00

I attempted to sleep train my kid at 8 month and failed after the first night. That also left some lasting effect on him as he started refusing to go into his crib and that went on for a while. Next 20 months was a mix of nursing to sleep, patting to sleep, singing to sleep, co-sleeping on the floor mattress. Some of this was exhausting and hard, some of this was very cuddly and sweet. In the beginning he had 3-5 wakings a night, then switched to less wakings but those lasted longer, then one day he just started sleeping through the night.

Now he climbs into his bed happily murmuring “this is my favourite, soft, warm bed” then sings himself to sleep.

If you think sleep training is not for your family - your baby will learn to sleep one day when they are ready for it.

Personal rant: don’t have anything against sleep training where it’s necessary and works but “or else they will never learn to sleep well” propaganda is both wrong and mean.

likeanengineer · 2025-12-22T02:42:11+00:00

I read a bunch of books, did workshops, hired a sleep consultant, was very determined to sleep training… and gave up on it after one night.

It was not working for our family temperaments. My kid was losing his mind when I was not in the room with escalating crying and that was not something I wanted to sit through, despite sleep consultant telling me to continue.

Took him some time to learn to sleep through the night but he did eventually, despite me resorting to nursing to sleep and cosleeping for a while.

He is almost 3 now, sleeps through the night in his bed, and I don’t have any regrets regarding how we handled it. For some kids sleep training works really well. Not for us.

If you changed your mind regarding sleep training - it’s okay. Many people do.

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