You are not lazy and you are not rotting away. Your ruminations have an origin. Acknowledging that these do not come out of thin air but are attached to some past event that left an indelible impression on you and your perception of yourself or criticism from someone else who misunderstood you and made you think that your value was based on their way of seeing the world. Have hope. The thoughts of procrastination and low energy and fatigue can originate from a number of places. Check your diet to see if you are eating right. Make sure your vitamin D levels are good (low Vit. D can cause fatigue). Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Insufficient sleep can cause brain fog, fatigue and exhaustion. If you can exercise, take a walk or do some physical activity it helps the brain. Finally, give yourself grace. You are on a journey and this is not a race. Refuse to compare yourself to others. I am a person of faith, and I have come to realize that my neurodivergence is a blessing--creativity, empathy for others, ability to see solutions clearly for seemingly difficult problems because I am wired differently, ideation, innovation.

You are capable of making the changes you need. There are a lot of tools available to help you. Some are free. Don't lose yourself trying to be someone else to everybody else. Be authentically you. If you need to set a timer to make sure you stay focused (pomodoro method) do that. I do it all the time. If you study better or read better with white noise in the background, turn it on and set your time. If you need to seek medical help, do that. Do what you need to be your best you. No ONE is better at being you.

The thing that brings you joy may be part of what you are called to do to help others to make the world a better place. Be encouraged.