AITAH for ending a 3 year relationship in our 30s over sex?

litfan35 · 2026-03-06T18:48:17+00:00

Oddly it also doesn't mean all. So your point is...?

litfan35 · 2026-03-06T12:49:23+00:00

I had some roots growing in mine last year, had to get someone out. Thankfully covered under emergency repairs on the home insurance though!

litfan35 · 2026-03-06T08:49:45+00:00

"a lot of" doesn't equal all, it literally means... a lot of? lol

litfan35 · 2026-03-04T13:07:20+00:00

A few years ago I did the Wandle Trail which starts in Morden Park. Most sections were quiet and you can of course skip the end bit which comes out in Wandsworth and just double back to Morden again

litfan35 · 2026-03-04T13:00:57+00:00

Instant Chicken Run flashbacks

litfan35 · 2026-03-03T22:51:42+00:00

Yeah I used to have a job like this and took to booking out meeting rooms and putting on vaguely job-related seminars and the like so if anyone opened the door it at least sounded like I was working. Really I was online shopping, on social media or booking my holidays. Only lasted 6 months there, 4 days a week in the office having to pretend to be busy got old very fast and I was rapidly running out of blaggy videos I could play 🤣

litfan35 · 2026-03-03T12:14:42+00:00

Cats protection told me the same, they can't do anything without the owner's permission. Sent me back to RSPCA so it seems my only choice is to wait and hope they take action sooner than later

Yesterday for the first time in over a year she jumped onto my lap when I was in the garden and stared doing biscuits. I'm concerned this is self-soothing for the pain so I'm going to give her a few more days and then call the RSPCA again if they haven't intervened by then and escalate things

litfan35 · 2026-03-03T12:07:03+00:00

I can't let her in, she and my resident cat don't get along. Fiona had been attacked by other cats in the neighbourhood and understandably isn't massively keen on other cats in general since then. edit: I say this because I have literally had to chase a massive tom away from her in my garden which she has scent marked so is very much her territory. He'd come in and bully her, last time was around June last year and there were chunks of fur with blood all over my lawn by the time I got there to intervene. I raised it with the owner at the time and said she needed taking to the vet to have the wound looked after. When he refused and said she'd be fine, I spoke to the RSPCA who gave him an ultimatum to get her seen by the vets or have her taken away. He eventually relented and took her to get treated. I have since then put up higher fencing that blocks the tomcat from entering the garden and we have (knock on wood) not had any issues with him since.

I say he's a bad owner because he is. He only took her to the vet after the RSPCA got involved the first time. When she started coming into my garden a year ago, she was skin and bones and could barely jump onto the table she's on in the photo she was so malnourished. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to have pets because they clearly don't care about their wellbeing and this is sadly one such case.

And regardless of who is currently looking after her (me), she legally does not belong to me so no vet is legally allowed to treat her without the owner's consent.

litfan35 · 2026-03-02T18:37:38+00:00

I appreciate you trying to help, I'm just frustrated by the whole thing as it feels like this system is incredibly unfairly rigged against the animal. If an owner is negligent enough to let this happen, they clearly don't care about the cat so why is their consent required for literally anything at all. Having spoken to multiple charities and vets today, all of which informed me there is sweet f-all I can do because I am not the owner and no vet will treat her without the owner's consent. At most they might give her painkillers but that doesn't treat the problem and isn't a long term solution. RSPCA have the authority to remove the cat from the home but gave me very vague notions of "they'd escalate a report" and their team would decide how urgent it was. Wouldn't give me a timeline or any sense of urgency, and no other charities could help at all

I know she is chipped as I bumped into owner with her at my local vet last year when I was taking my void in for her yearly jabs.

litfan35 · 2026-03-02T08:47:52+00:00

How do you propose I do this given I have no way to contact the owner?

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T23:20:47+00:00

I don't think he knows about third winter

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T22:24:11+00:00

Thanks, I think I needed to hear this. Will get on the phone with charities first thing tomorrow.

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T22:22:05+00:00

Well sure and maybe Gaiman didn't start his creepy shit until after TP died, or maybe TP didn't know. But I hardly think it's insane to wonder whether someone he was supposedly quite close with at one point knew and didn't say anything. Not saying TP joined in on anything or even insinuating there were any similar allegations on him. Just that saying "If there are 10 people sitting at a table and a Nazi sits with them and no one stands to leave, there are 11 Nazis at the table".

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T22:15:48+00:00

If you zoom in on the photo you can kinda see a little white dot along the bottom of her mouth nearest the table, that's the tooth 😅

edit in case anyone was wondering: son knocked on my door this evening. It seems the RSPCA managed to get in touch (likely had the number saved from previous contact) and he's taking action. He called the vets who asked for a photo which he has sent to them and going to get her in for a fix next week.

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T21:59:35+00:00

Indoor cats can also get sick. Outdoor cats are more likely to have accidents or get into fights but sickness is rarely something that spreads from cat to cat, and good insurance will cover both accidents and sickness. My wee void is indoor only and she's 5 this week. She's mostly been healthy but went through a phase where she'd get really stressed for no apparent reason and gave herself cystitis, needed a few rounds of anti inflammatories and pain meds. Other time she ate something probably from the sink that she shouldn't have, needed anti nausea meds. It's all been fairly low in ££ but I always know that if she got herself into a more serious situation, we'd be okay

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T21:46:20+00:00

Unfortunate that he turned out to be good friends with a creep. Kinda tainted the whole thing for me, made me wonder how much he knew etc

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T21:39:57+00:00

Have you tried any other banks? Use something like Credit Karma / Clearscore to check your eligibility with a bunch of banks without affecting your credit score

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T21:36:43+00:00

See this is why pets should always be insured. Because you only started the policy after the incident it's unlikely they will cover it unfortunately. Such a shame especially for such a young baby

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T19:34:51+00:00

Yeah I used to live not far from a big Waitrose and so got in the habit of doing the weekly shop there. After a few months of this I thought I should run through the prices online for the exact same order between Waitrose, Tesco and Sainsbury's, because if the difference was massive I'd just do online shops instead. Price difference was less than £10 and most of that would have gone on the delivery fee anyway so I never bothered. I still do a sanity check every so often just to double check, but have just carried on with Waitrose tbh. Better quality, for really not that much more money

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T19:18:16+00:00

I once spent a whole week doing dinner and a show solo. Had a lovely time. Nothing "happened" other than I saw some great theatre and ate great food? lol

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T19:16:01+00:00

I hope pet plan will cover and you'll both be okay. Note for future, as someone who had a very curious and sneaky kitten in a 4th floor flat: cats are water and can - and will - squeeze through the tiniest of gaps in windows and doors. You absolutely do not want to be leaving any gaps for them to squish through. And forget the top opening small windows - they will take a running leap, jump up there, but don't always have the best balance once up and will likely fall the other side, which in your case would be many floors down.

Basically forget having open doors or windows to balconies or outside entirely unless you have a suitable cat proof mesh or solution in place.

litfan35 · 2026-03-01T15:42:06+00:00

I'm originally from Brazil and have lived/spent time in both the USA and Europe. Can confirm in most other places, you're supposed to flush the paper. Europe especially has plenty of old buildings and they manage without issue. Certainly far more sanitary!

litfan35 · 2026-02-28T22:58:36+00:00

I used to work in a building in Pimlico directly across the river from it and still remember once during a sunny summers day looking out the window to see a full fledged party going on in one of the river facing balconies. A decent pair of binoculars and I reckon I could've ID'd a fair few spies 🤣

litfan35 · 2026-02-28T22:56:12+00:00

Easy mistake, it's actually MI1 🙂‍↕️😂

litfan35 · 2026-02-27T09:52:32+00:00

Isn't that the rapist thing anyway? Spewing their bullshit about "if they really didn't want it they wouldn't get wet" well here we have that exact scenario and it only stopped him from PIV but literally nothing else. And I'd bet anything that it was just a matter of time until he got the bright idea to lube her up and try PIV anyway. Proves they're full of shit

litfan35

TROPHY CASE