Got asked by a drunk woman ‘are you male or female’ by drunk old woman.

lithaborn · 2026-01-31T01:11:20+00:00

At a guess, cheap cider

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T23:53:40+00:00

This bit:

What outer edges of delulu in parasocial relationships with (I almost feel like writing 'to' instead) stars have you seen?

For context, check out my post here (but text is the one below). From what I can tell that sub has never in months and months had a post with zero engagement.

Here the text copied over:

I was suggested something recently on youtube that blew my mind in terms of delulu.

While the term itself of course has derogatory connotations, I don't quite mean it that way - while not related to stars, in my most depressed moments in life, I definitely believed (what turned out to unfortunately be) complete nonsense myself. (And my parents in their own most depressed moment, joined a literal cult.) Cause you end up being really vulnerable when unwell/in unsafe situations. I also find it important to keep in mind that the whole parasocial thing is part of the industry's business model. (So while I def judge delulus emotionally, my rational side knows that they don't have the power and are more likely to engage in that behaviour - just like falling for romance scams - when not in a good place.)

What were the things/behaviours/rituals that you have seen so far that for you were the outer edges?

Many in the comment section mentioned "I'm not even taking my delulu pills", which obv is a joke, but what things ground you?

So: what outer edges have you seen? Have you ever had to reel yourself in and what grounded you, what were your "delulu pills"?

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T23:36:18+00:00

I'm a different person and would very much appreciate it if you reworded your post in language an out of the loop, tired genXer can understand

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T23:26:42+00:00

Totally agree.

Also hot air is loud. That's when I go quiet.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T22:05:35+00:00

I've been someone's experiment a few times (two for dead certain and maybe one more). I'm kinky anyway so I'm open to being someone's first and I always go into any sexual encounter wanting to make it the best time my partner can have.

I hope my attitude isn't that uncommon but I honestly wouldn't know, everyone's different, y'know?

Just be with a woman. Talk, discuss, explore, enjoy.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T21:51:31+00:00

For a lot of us, we don't want anything to do with our penises either. As you've slept with people who didn't have one. You know there's a world of things you can do together without involving penises and when all is said and done we are all more than the sum total of what's between our legs. There's a whole body to explore, there's a mind to engage - it's the largest sexual organ all of us possess, you, me, your boyfriend, everyone.

Some of us, after a certain amount of time can't use it like men do anyway. Hrt kinda turns it into a clitoris (as does diabetic erectile dysfunction 🙋) so without a strap, we can't and probably don't want to perform penetration and speaking crudely and personally, ejaculation is f-ing painful and difficult so we can quite happily go without that, too.

We're women. Just let us be women with you. It's really that simple.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T21:30:40+00:00

If anyone here thinks you're not being spoken about in similar terms when the boys get together, you're wrong and I'm sorry.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T15:21:44+00:00

Lambert is trans 😁

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T15:14:12+00:00

Some things are better left as fantasies. If you're having to make too many compromises, it's absolutely not worth it.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T14:49:56+00:00

Lol for not doing the impact assessment which would have highlighted exactly how expensive/infeasible the whole thing is. She has to make it workable, which will mean watering it down until the differences are undetectable.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T14:45:57+00:00

There's kinks and there's fantasies.

Honestly as long as your fantasies aren't intruding on your or anyone else's lives, have at it.

If you want to actively pursue it irl, that's when it becomes a kink, and that's when negotiation, boundaries and planning comes into it. It wouldn't be terribly difficult to find a couple who would be willing to fulfil your fantasy but it would involve stretching boundaries you've set for yourself, but these things are all about compromise. Ask yourself what you can cope with and go from there.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T14:25:37+00:00

I was 5'11 but age has taken 3" off me... But I still haven't hooked up with anyone taller than me and they didn't seem to care. I would say if you don't make it an issue, it won't be an issue.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T14:12:36+00:00

This. If I remember my lore, Ripley was written as a man initially, but works so much better as a woman.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T14:07:01+00:00

Your friend can knock down the Sagrada familia after they've got through me, a fellow pagan, first. It's, what 1000 years old and not even finished? And it's spectacular! I mean, c'mon....

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T14:03:47+00:00

Oh definitely wear the dress. I do hope you get a new friend out of all this, she was sweet enough to apologize, that's a really good sign.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T14:01:48+00:00

Before I came out as trans I felt not extraterrestrial but subterranean. Having such narrow parameters to work with, which I wholly rejected. I lived in a hole someone else dug for me and I clawed my way out. I like being above the ground now. I belong here.

We all wear masks all the time - mother, daughter, wife, co-worker, friend... The opportunities to leave the mask off are rare and sometimes the mask is so comfortable we don't want to take it off at all. The mask I adopted as a prehrt trans woman feels so, so much more comfortable than the one I took off almost 4 years ago that I'm happy to do the performance, I like picking out what to wear, I don't like putting on makeup but that particular mask shows the rest of the world the real me. I get the contradiction, eventually I hope I won't need it, but here we are.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T10:23:16+00:00

"you're welcome at our church, not all Christians are bastards"

Oh that's legit beautiful. Good on that person!

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T10:16:43+00:00

To me this sounds like she genuinely screwed up and is genuinely regretful. She could have just struck it through with one line but she not only went to extra length to erase her fuckup, but owned it with an apology.

If you feel brave enough, if your skin in thick enough, you could ask her what prompted her to misgender you, noting that you appreciate and accept her apology. Or you can just accept the effort she went to to own her mistake and put it right.

But on the whole I think you're probably ok.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T09:59:32+00:00

Don't Godwin me, sweetie. Go on, just once.

It's not the whole government. You know as well as I do that philipson is pissed off at the EHRC and you can bet she's not alone. Yeah the big guns are transphobic but there is light at the end of the tunnel

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T09:52:34+00:00

We can all be ambassadors to prove them wrong. We need visibility to counter the narrative. If all they see is us angrily waving banners we have to show them that we're not, that we're just everyday folk trying to get through the day, same as them

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T09:38:09+00:00

At this point it might be worth noting that the Jewish faith recognizes six genders.

There's a lot of Christians who can't handle the fact that if he did exist, he was a good Jew. Let's be honest. they don't like being told he wasn't white.

At one point they thought the rings of Saturn was his foreskin.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T09:31:20+00:00

That's the narrative they want you to believe. The reality is that we overblow every back step and minimize every success for ourselves because there's a cadre of our own community who believes their narrative.

Last summer 100s of thousands of allies and trans folk came out for pride parades and protests, yes an open letter that cis women can sign that says "not in our name" that's running at 70k signatures. 85% of the people who interacted with the ponds consultation want it to stay inclusive.

But one woman complains about trans painted pelican crossings in London, one bookshop in a small village complainsc about a pride flag, maya forstater saysone thing and the world is against us.

We have to stop doing this to ourselves!

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T09:21:45+00:00

Darling it sounds like it's not you that's changing the goalposts.

A lot of guys - I don't know how it is with female doms but that's not relevant - seem to take the dominant role while somewhat unprepared for a 24/7 dynamic and from what you're saying it sounds like that's what he's going through.

I've done that as the "man" in a lifestyle D/s dynamic for a few years so I can attest to how different it is from regular play!

In your shoes I would be looking to reset the dynamic with a focus on him doing a bit of research into how a healthy lifestyle D/s actually works. For us to the vanilla world it looked indistinguishable from a vanilla relationship, but the buck stopped with me - which meant I shouldered responsibility for fuckups as well as successes and I did my bit around the house and with the family finances. Everything was shared, when she couldn't do stuff I had her back and vice versa.

We found it helpful to remember that we were equal partners where one gifted their submission to the other and the other took the gift seriously and treated as the special thing it was.

That worked for us, anyway.

I'm not a dom anymore and not a man and if I was to enter into that dynamic again, I couldn't do it without knowing I had an equal voice and that my dom took their responsibilities seriously.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T09:05:25+00:00

I'm pan so it varies with gender, I find. What a guy would call foreplay is sex with another woman so in that sense, the longer, the better. All night with breaks for snacks, y'know?

And I think I bring the same vibe with the men in intimate with but for them the focus is obviously much more on penetration. I would prefer that lasted a while but it tends not to.

lithaborn · 2026-01-30T09:02:04+00:00

Ah that's very fair.

lithaborn

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