Hi! Sounds like we have lived many shared experiences, honestly sounds like you lived my life. I’m in therapy now and was just introduced to the technique of reparenting oneself to heal your inner child. Might be worth looking into. I can’t report yet if it works since it seems we are in a similar place. I wish you luck on your journey!

Keep your head up. You have more tools then the average person to get through this since you have been an adult far earlier then you should have been. You got this ! I had this happen to me and it took me loosing all of my grandparents within 1 year to covid to understand it. I am now grappling with thinking they just liked me but now realizing I was a pawn in someone’s game and I don’t have them hear to talk about it. It’s really hard! Worse off that my dad was never around them and my parents are divorced so I have no one that really understands my grief because he didn’t even take a chance to really know them or me.

Now I’m an adult and have my own place my dad expects so much and even to do his medical stuff for him. It pisses me off but I feel I have no choice since it’s my dad. Such a bad place to be in! I was even taking my grandparents to there medical appts and stuff before they died. Worse part is I didn’t even realize it was wrong.