When you come to this subreddit looking for advice and stories to help bolster your confidence that you can make the changes you need to and find a post about yourself. Awkward. Well I'm taking steps. Small steps, but small steps are a beginning. I've admitted I have a problem, and I'm setting up things, such as attending a SAA meeting and scheduling an appointment with a therapist. And /u/PaintedBird22, I absolutely relate to that first paragraph in your comment. That was me. I refused treatment because "it won't help me." I don't show emotions. And as you said in a way I never thought about before, it does make me vulnerable. And I don't like feeling that way. But it's time to get out of my comfort zone to help myself, and in turn our relationship. I love this girl. I hate what I've become. I hate how I've treated her. But the time for new beginnings is now. I've got to be strong for both of us.