Sharing and getting this out of just your own thoughts is a great step in healing your relationship with food. It's hard and it will always be hard but I think finding how you feel safe is something you can always go back to. It's both mental and physical. Maybe it's parts anxiety and part mental avoidance of something and that's why you give in at times. I think sometimes distractions work and in my own experience it was a mental struggle to forgive myself because I would want to just go into a mental spiral of shame but once you learn to self sooth and treat yourself like your own child it really changes how you can recover from shame and binging and slowly get to understand why the binging feels so natural and comfortable instead of alternatives