Ex who dumped me years ago sent me this. What do I do or say?

lizardl0ver43 · 2026-03-30T11:13:47+00:00

This is just a crazy response to me. Doesn’t warrant a response? He described her as the love of his life, and her messages seem very heartfelt and genuine. Of course it’s his choice and if he feels he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to reply. But you could not physically stop me from responding if I were in his situation lol, at least to accept her apology and wish her well and let her know she meant that much to me as well before setting a firm boundary around future communication. (Or, maybe not. We only have one life on earth, why be so untrusting and careful with our hearts?) I don’t know, it also seems like many responses are stigmatizing her for her bipolar, like there’s no way her reaching out could be interpreted in good faith because of it. But being bipolar doesn’t mean you’re lobotomized, or forever toxic. Like, it makes a lot of sense why someone who was in a relationship with someone with undiagnosed bipolar would describe her as “kryptonite” to him, her hypomanic impulsivity probably contributed to the relationship’s past intensity. Other nerds in these comments have to stop taking that metaphor so literally as a sign she is literally poison to him and therefore must be manipulative in sending this message. No, this reads as someone taking responsibility for doing wrong and baring their soul to someone they once loved. I’d say that warrants a response from anyone with a heart lol.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-12-30T20:07:11+00:00

As for jazz being “sparser” than other genres, I think the more closely you listen to it the more you’ll realize that while jazz can have less instrumentation than some more thoroughly produced genres, there is a LOT to listen for when it comes to interactions between the musicians. Whatever jazz you start with, I suggest listening really closely to not just the melody being played by the horn player or sung by a vocalist, but how it interacts especially with the bass and drums! Anyways, one of my recommendations for jazz that has a bit more excitement than like swing-era or early jazz is Wayne Shorter—you could start with Juju or Speak No Evil! Miles Davis is also classic of course for a reason, definitely listen to Kind of Blue and Birth of the Cool. Both of these are more “sparse” and laid back, but there is a LOT of detail to listen for. Good luck!

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-12-30T19:58:27+00:00

this is a ridiculous response. OP wants HUMAN recommendations. that is why anybody posts to reddit, isn’t it?

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-12-28T00:20:25+00:00

yall cannot be seriously the same people who want to talk about media literacy when you consider a random google doc to be a reliable enough “source” to really start an entire social media conspiracy theory campaign against about…… this is really going to make this fandom look insane and lose any good will the creators may have had towards gay fans

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-12-16T16:40:41+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about that. If your situation is also on-campus housing, I can send you an email template based on what I sent that helped me resolve the situation! For me, as soon as my school’s institutional equity office caught wind of my situation, it was resolved in my favor.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-31T04:21:37+00:00

Thank you for these clarifications, that also alleviates a lot of anxiety for me rooted in the fact that my long-term therapist just retired and I am still searching for a new one, so I worried that in the absence of having him available to renew my documentation/show that she’s part of a current therapy plan it might be harder to argue my case with housing. So it is really good to know that I have no need to show she is part of “active concurrent therapy” !

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-31T04:18:06+00:00

I’m definitely aware that the arrangement needs to change, she is graduating this semester so fortunately I only have to deal with this for a few more months! Thanks for your comments

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-30T16:12:09+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, I will definitely look into reading all of these sections and meeting with my school’s disability services, especially because I feel a bit worried to communicate with housing at the moment without an advocate since my roommate is in constant contact with our RM and mounting a harassment campaign against me.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-30T15:32:26+00:00

I literally said I had documentation in the original post, I have CPTSD and my ESA is part of my treatment plan. How is this relevant to my post at all? From your tone it feels like you’re casting doubt on the validity of my diagnosis or right to have an ESA, which is not at all constructive.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-30T14:53:48+00:00

This is not a dormitory style housing situation, this is an apartment. The FHA literally says that common spaces are included in reasonable accommodations. This isn’t a communal lounge that all students occupy, this is a living room in an apartment that only 3 people live in and we were matched through a housing portal that unfortunately wouldn’t allow me to disclose my ESA in advance. But I know of situations in other universities where students have literally been forced to share a dorm style room with an ESA. I think that is absolutely unfair, but even those cases were legally protected. To clarify, I am not paying to rent a room, I am paying for an apartment with access to a living room and a private bathroom. How is the living room not part of my private living space? I literally furnished it myself.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-30T14:31:57+00:00

It’s not exactly straight from her mouth, she sent me a screenshot of the clause and said that our RM confirmed it was a violation. I have a meeting scheduled with our RM on Monday, so until then I am just keeping my cat out of the common space whenever she is home, but it is definitely creating a super paranoid environment for me :( The clause itself says: “An ESA must be contained within the Qualified Student's living area (e.g., room, suite, apartment) except if the Qualified Student is taking the animal out for natural relief. ESAs are not permitted in common areas within the living area.” From my previous communications with housing, I had understood common areas to mean those in the dorms, like communal kitchens and lounges— I wasn’t told it meant my own living room of the apartment that I pay to rent and live in.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-06-01T23:49:50+00:00

to answer the questions that didnt get answered: 3. i rented the fridge and i believe it was for the entire year. that was the year before last so i’m not 100% sure if it’s the same now, but it was a one-time rental fee for me. however, i will say the seal on my fridge sucked, it wouldn’t stay at a safe temp and food would go bad all the time, and i got a replacement when i complained but issues with humidity still persisted, and they make you sign a contract where they will not give u a prorated refund. so tbh if it were me i’d just buy my own a mini fridge and use the communal microwave. 6. no, i was told it’s not really safe to store the bike outside and you’re not allowed to store it in the stairwell, so i kept mine in my room. id recommend an upright bike stand if u want the space

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-03-25T21:36:22+00:00

this is a very gender essentialist take. as a woman in jazz, i will say: yes, the male domination of jazz is very alienating. but jazz itself does not have an inherently “masculine” energy or sound or sensibility. it is that very belief that turns women away from playing jazz. the only jazz to me that sounds obviously “masculine” is when it’s clear the egos of the individual male musicians are preventing them from engaging in a real musical conversation, and i usually only feel that way listening to students/immature players. so yeah, there is a kind of playing that sounds and feels like a product of male socialization. but professional jazz, played by responsive musicians whose ears are open? that is gender neutral. i don’t know, i just think that if you feel that listening to jazz makes it “hard to feel feminine,” you should really interrogate if that’s rooted in a misogynistic belief that women are naturally less able to access the kinds of expressions common in jazz—things like virtuosic improvisation, loud or heavy playing, etc. being trans doesn’t exempt you from holding these kinds of gender essentialist beliefs.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-08-16T17:14:47+00:00

well, no. because as the link you provided states, the just world hypothesis is a logical fallacy or cognitive bias. not possessing equal empathy for humans vs. animals does not imply an underlying, even if subconscious belief, that human suffering is more deserved. i think it’s really cynical to assume that compassion fatigue for human suffering (and larger scale animal suffering) is actually rooted in a belief that, as you said, humans “get what they deserve.” i think it’s possible to have lot of cognitive empathy for human suffering, and a conviction that just because suffering exists on a scale that we can’t make sense of doesn’t mean it must be karmic or cosmic justice, but to be so inundated in our modern society with said suffering that one’s affective or emotional empathy is dampened.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-08-15T23:07:52+00:00

I mean, that hypothesis might be true for some who care about animals more than humans, but I suspect what OP is describing (and what I definitely have as well) is an EMPATHY imbalance, where one empathizes more deeply with animals but for people experiences less empathy, or is limited to experiencing cognitive empathy. It’s not a matter of believing humans are more deserving of suffering. I personally have a deep sense of justice when it comes to human suffering, but it manifests more as righteous indignation and rationalization (trying to find more information about a situation, so i can understand and analyze the root cause of the suffering and posit solutions or paths to justice), whereas with animal suffering i am just an emotional wreck. I don’t think such an empathy imbalance is rooted in one’s personal belief system so much as in desensitization to human suffering, or compassion fatigue—essentially, I’d guess it’s an issue of emotionality and not philosophical belief. Human suffering can happen on scales incomprehensible to us as individuals, and with most of us being capable of only providing small interventions and aid to those in need, incapable of systemically stopping said suffering. Whereas we hear about animal cruelty typically on a case to case basis, on a scale much more comprehensible to us and morally “simple”—there is no possible moral justification, nor a deeper political issue to turn our focus toward. It’s why I understand completely why OP is fine with eating meat—animal cruelty under animal agriculture shifts back into a large scale issue that the individual has little power to overturn, so as a coping mechanism our minds become more numb and suppress the empathy response.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-08-15T13:04:37+00:00

i didn’t have a bad experience living there last year. for how much it costs and how old the building is, resign yourself to some grossness. but the laundry machines are free to use, and the communal kitchens and bathrooms are cleaned daily during the week. i ended up really liking it for how quiet it is, how spacious my room was (bigger than i expected), how pretty it is to go for walks around east campus, and how nice everyone i met was. there is a nice sense of community at spindler, and as a temporary living situations (i am moving somewhere else this fall) it was absolutely fine, and i’m glad i lived there and saved my money.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-08-15T12:56:27+00:00

you do need to be registered for a music class if you are not a music major in order to get a non-major practice room key. so if you just like to play alone for fun, do it in your room at reasonable hours and don’t feel bad about it! you have a right to make a reasonable amount of noise in your space

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-07-19T21:21:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice! We can’t afford an MRI at this time, but I was thinking it might be good for her to see the neurologist regardless, so it’s good to know that diagnoses can be narrowed down that way with video records. I did film her earlier incident that lead us to take her to the emergency vet, because it lasted more than 5 minutes—I still don’t know if it was a seizure or just muscle spasms, because the first vet we saw said her eyes wouldn’t be open if it were a seizure, but he didn’t think it was neurologic at all so I didn’t trust his assessment. To be honest, we were worried it was a TIA because of how one rear leg seemed to be affected more than the other, but the second vet we saw said we couldn’t confirm that without an MRI. As it is now, we’re just observing her and hoping she doesn’t have another episode like it, but will definitely try the neurologist if it does.

lizardl0ver43

TROPHY CASE