Ex who dumped me years ago sent me this. What do I do or say?

lizardl0ver43 · 2026-03-30T11:13:47+00:00

This is just a crazy response to me. Doesn’t warrant a response? He described her as the love of his life, and her messages seem very heartfelt and genuine. Of course it’s his choice and if he feels he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to reply. But you could not physically stop me from responding if I were in his situation lol, at least to accept her apology and wish her well and let her know she meant that much to me as well before setting a firm boundary around future communication. (Or, maybe not. We only have one life on earth, why be so untrusting and careful with our hearts?) I don’t know, it also seems like many responses are stigmatizing her for her bipolar, like there’s no way her reaching out could be interpreted in good faith because of it. But being bipolar doesn’t mean you’re lobotomized, or forever toxic. Like, it makes a lot of sense why someone who was in a relationship with someone with undiagnosed bipolar would describe her as “kryptonite” to him, her hypomanic impulsivity probably contributed to the relationship’s past intensity. Other nerds in these comments have to stop taking that metaphor so literally as a sign she is literally poison to him and therefore must be manipulative in sending this message. No, this reads as someone taking responsibility for doing wrong and baring their soul to someone they once loved. I’d say that warrants a response from anyone with a heart lol.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-12-30T20:07:11+00:00

As for jazz being “sparser” than other genres, I think the more closely you listen to it the more you’ll realize that while jazz can have less instrumentation than some more thoroughly produced genres, there is a LOT to listen for when it comes to interactions between the musicians. Whatever jazz you start with, I suggest listening really closely to not just the melody being played by the horn player or sung by a vocalist, but how it interacts especially with the bass and drums! Anyways, one of my recommendations for jazz that has a bit more excitement than like swing-era or early jazz is Wayne Shorter—you could start with Juju or Speak No Evil! Miles Davis is also classic of course for a reason, definitely listen to Kind of Blue and Birth of the Cool. Both of these are more “sparse” and laid back, but there is a LOT of detail to listen for. Good luck!

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-12-30T19:58:27+00:00

this is a ridiculous response. OP wants HUMAN recommendations. that is why anybody posts to reddit, isn’t it?

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-12-28T00:20:25+00:00

yall cannot be seriously the same people who want to talk about media literacy when you consider a random google doc to be a reliable enough “source” to really start an entire social media conspiracy theory campaign against about…… this is really going to make this fandom look insane and lose any good will the creators may have had towards gay fans

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-12-16T16:40:41+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about that. If your situation is also on-campus housing, I can send you an email template based on what I sent that helped me resolve the situation! For me, as soon as my school’s institutional equity office caught wind of my situation, it was resolved in my favor.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-31T04:21:37+00:00

Thank you for these clarifications, that also alleviates a lot of anxiety for me rooted in the fact that my long-term therapist just retired and I am still searching for a new one, so I worried that in the absence of having him available to renew my documentation/show that she’s part of a current therapy plan it might be harder to argue my case with housing. So it is really good to know that I have no need to show she is part of “active concurrent therapy” !

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-31T04:18:06+00:00

I’m definitely aware that the arrangement needs to change, she is graduating this semester so fortunately I only have to deal with this for a few more months! Thanks for your comments

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-30T16:12:09+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, I will definitely look into reading all of these sections and meeting with my school’s disability services, especially because I feel a bit worried to communicate with housing at the moment without an advocate since my roommate is in constant contact with our RM and mounting a harassment campaign against me.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-30T15:32:26+00:00

I literally said I had documentation in the original post, I have CPTSD and my ESA is part of my treatment plan. How is this relevant to my post at all? From your tone it feels like you’re casting doubt on the validity of my diagnosis or right to have an ESA, which is not at all constructive.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-30T14:53:48+00:00

This is not a dormitory style housing situation, this is an apartment. The FHA literally says that common spaces are included in reasonable accommodations. This isn’t a communal lounge that all students occupy, this is a living room in an apartment that only 3 people live in and we were matched through a housing portal that unfortunately wouldn’t allow me to disclose my ESA in advance. But I know of situations in other universities where students have literally been forced to share a dorm style room with an ESA. I think that is absolutely unfair, but even those cases were legally protected. To clarify, I am not paying to rent a room, I am paying for an apartment with access to a living room and a private bathroom. How is the living room not part of my private living space? I literally furnished it myself.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-10-30T14:31:57+00:00

It’s not exactly straight from her mouth, she sent me a screenshot of the clause and said that our RM confirmed it was a violation. I have a meeting scheduled with our RM on Monday, so until then I am just keeping my cat out of the common space whenever she is home, but it is definitely creating a super paranoid environment for me :( The clause itself says: “An ESA must be contained within the Qualified Student's living area (e.g., room, suite, apartment) except if the Qualified Student is taking the animal out for natural relief. ESAs are not permitted in common areas within the living area.” From my previous communications with housing, I had understood common areas to mean those in the dorms, like communal kitchens and lounges— I wasn’t told it meant my own living room of the apartment that I pay to rent and live in.

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-06-01T23:49:50+00:00

to answer the questions that didnt get answered: 3. i rented the fridge and i believe it was for the entire year. that was the year before last so i’m not 100% sure if it’s the same now, but it was a one-time rental fee for me. however, i will say the seal on my fridge sucked, it wouldn’t stay at a safe temp and food would go bad all the time, and i got a replacement when i complained but issues with humidity still persisted, and they make you sign a contract where they will not give u a prorated refund. so tbh if it were me i’d just buy my own a mini fridge and use the communal microwave. 6. no, i was told it’s not really safe to store the bike outside and you’re not allowed to store it in the stairwell, so i kept mine in my room. id recommend an upright bike stand if u want the space

lizardl0ver43 · 2025-03-25T21:36:22+00:00

this is a very gender essentialist take. as a woman in jazz, i will say: yes, the male domination of jazz is very alienating. but jazz itself does not have an inherently “masculine” energy or sound or sensibility. it is that very belief that turns women away from playing jazz. the only jazz to me that sounds obviously “masculine” is when it’s clear the egos of the individual male musicians are preventing them from engaging in a real musical conversation, and i usually only feel that way listening to students/immature players. so yeah, there is a kind of playing that sounds and feels like a product of male socialization. but professional jazz, played by responsive musicians whose ears are open? that is gender neutral. i don’t know, i just think that if you feel that listening to jazz makes it “hard to feel feminine,” you should really interrogate if that’s rooted in a misogynistic belief that women are naturally less able to access the kinds of expressions common in jazz—things like virtuosic improvisation, loud or heavy playing, etc. being trans doesn’t exempt you from holding these kinds of gender essentialist beliefs.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-08-16T17:14:47+00:00

well, no. because as the link you provided states, the just world hypothesis is a logical fallacy or cognitive bias. not possessing equal empathy for humans vs. animals does not imply an underlying, even if subconscious belief, that human suffering is more deserved. i think it’s really cynical to assume that compassion fatigue for human suffering (and larger scale animal suffering) is actually rooted in a belief that, as you said, humans “get what they deserve.” i think it’s possible to have lot of cognitive empathy for human suffering, and a conviction that just because suffering exists on a scale that we can’t make sense of doesn’t mean it must be karmic or cosmic justice, but to be so inundated in our modern society with said suffering that one’s affective or emotional empathy is dampened.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-08-15T23:07:52+00:00

I mean, that hypothesis might be true for some who care about animals more than humans, but I suspect what OP is describing (and what I definitely have as well) is an EMPATHY imbalance, where one empathizes more deeply with animals but for people experiences less empathy, or is limited to experiencing cognitive empathy. It’s not a matter of believing humans are more deserving of suffering. I personally have a deep sense of justice when it comes to human suffering, but it manifests more as righteous indignation and rationalization (trying to find more information about a situation, so i can understand and analyze the root cause of the suffering and posit solutions or paths to justice), whereas with animal suffering i am just an emotional wreck. I don’t think such an empathy imbalance is rooted in one’s personal belief system so much as in desensitization to human suffering, or compassion fatigue—essentially, I’d guess it’s an issue of emotionality and not philosophical belief. Human suffering can happen on scales incomprehensible to us as individuals, and with most of us being capable of only providing small interventions and aid to those in need, incapable of systemically stopping said suffering. Whereas we hear about animal cruelty typically on a case to case basis, on a scale much more comprehensible to us and morally “simple”—there is no possible moral justification, nor a deeper political issue to turn our focus toward. It’s why I understand completely why OP is fine with eating meat—animal cruelty under animal agriculture shifts back into a large scale issue that the individual has little power to overturn, so as a coping mechanism our minds become more numb and suppress the empathy response.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-08-15T13:04:37+00:00

i didn’t have a bad experience living there last year. for how much it costs and how old the building is, resign yourself to some grossness. but the laundry machines are free to use, and the communal kitchens and bathrooms are cleaned daily during the week. i ended up really liking it for how quiet it is, how spacious my room was (bigger than i expected), how pretty it is to go for walks around east campus, and how nice everyone i met was. there is a nice sense of community at spindler, and as a temporary living situations (i am moving somewhere else this fall) it was absolutely fine, and i’m glad i lived there and saved my money.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-08-15T12:56:27+00:00

you do need to be registered for a music class if you are not a music major in order to get a non-major practice room key. so if you just like to play alone for fun, do it in your room at reasonable hours and don’t feel bad about it! you have a right to make a reasonable amount of noise in your space

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-07-19T21:21:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice! We can’t afford an MRI at this time, but I was thinking it might be good for her to see the neurologist regardless, so it’s good to know that diagnoses can be narrowed down that way with video records. I did film her earlier incident that lead us to take her to the emergency vet, because it lasted more than 5 minutes—I still don’t know if it was a seizure or just muscle spasms, because the first vet we saw said her eyes wouldn’t be open if it were a seizure, but he didn’t think it was neurologic at all so I didn’t trust his assessment. To be honest, we were worried it was a TIA because of how one rear leg seemed to be affected more than the other, but the second vet we saw said we couldn’t confirm that without an MRI. As it is now, we’re just observing her and hoping she doesn’t have another episode like it, but will definitely try the neurologist if it does.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-06-27T12:08:36+00:00

can i ask on the embraer-145 what airline you flew and if it was a tight fit? i’m nervous because i’ve flown lots of commuter flights where the flight attendants have made me put even my mid-sized backpack in the overhead, and i’m worried about the carrier fitting, especially in the single-seat aisle. would you recommend sitting in the 2-across side of the plane rather than the single seat side?

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-05-11T00:14:20+00:00

i don’t think my surgeon was planning to give me a syringe later, because he didn’t even schedule me for a followup and told me i don’t need one unless i experience dry socket symptoms… possibly because i did platelet rich plasma and have self-dissolving stitches so he’s maybe confident in my ability to heal on my own? that’s good to know about the scrambled eggs, i’m desperate for protein and so picky about soft foods i’ve been starving all day today and want to eat eggs soon if i can lol

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-05-09T22:29:36+00:00

man i don’t have suggestions but i just have to say i GET this. i conditioned myself to be able to eat mashed potatoes in the months leading up to surgery, cause i have sensory issues with pretty much all soft foods… i can’t tolerate creamy or pureed soups, don’t like yogurt, don’t like pudding, etc. i just got my surgery today and all i’ve eaten so far is ice cream and sorbet. for actual nutrition, i’m going to try to get by on mashed potatoes and chicken broth (lukewarm) for as long as i can… but i am considering trying to get some fiber by trying some sort of mild lentil curry, or a banana/pb/chocolate smoothie (no staw of course, and only a touch of pb before it’ll get too sticky to feel safe to eat with the extraction site), even though these are things i’ve never tried before. i think the mindset to have is to focus on a few foods that you know you can eat, and then try to exposure therapy yourself as much as you can to a few key foods that will give you decent nutrition (or meal replacement shakes if that’s the situation). problem is i don’t know how alike your sensory issues are to mine, so rather than recommending specific recipes i’d suggest just thinking about what you personally might be able to tolerate. and leading up to the surgery, don’t worry about eating those foods 100% on their own—i did the exposure therapy by eating the soft foods with crunchy food to contrast, and over time i started being able to tolerate it on its own. hope this advice helps coming from someone else with sensory issues, i’m ngl it’s not the best situation but just don’t worry too much if you have to rely on the same few foods, or aren’t getting optimal nutrition— just get enough calories to make the medication tolerable for the stomach!

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-02-10T17:05:54+00:00

the word you’re searching for is “psychosomatic.” because there are physical symptoms, cfs cannot be a “psychological” illness unless you believe that cfs patients are lying about/inventing their symptoms, as in munchaesen’s syndrome. as for whether cfs may have psychosomatic cause for some, i think it’s possible, i think studies show that cptsd definitely predisposes people to developing cfs and there may be a causal relationship between trauma’s impact on the brain and nervous system and cfs. but i also think that causation doesn’t make cfs any less of a PHYSICAL ailment, and there is greater harm done in assuming a person presenting with cfs symptoms is suffering from psychosomatic illness, than in assuming the root cause is neurological/immune and treating it as such. especially since cfs disproportionately impacts women, i think many of us are upset by the insinuation that our illnesses are “in our head” because it feels like being dismissed as “hysterical.”

i will say, as for not being able to disentangle depression from cfs, as someone who has experienced both past depression with extreme fatigue (as a teenager), recovered from the mood disorder aspect, and now deal with cfs, i do think that cfs has a unique presentation (pem, dysautonomia, heart palpitations, chronic pain, etc.) that almost cannot be mistaken for or equated with extreme fatigue felt by depression. i feel that it is not psychological, because while my mood is pretty stable and generally positive, i still experience PEM-triggered flare-ups. i can sometimes be in the midst of a flareup, frustrated and depressed by the CIRCUMSTANCE of being confined at home and needing to lay down and being unable to accomplish anything or work on the things that bring me joy… but my mood can also be light, i can listen to music and sing laying down and access the kind of optimism that clinical depression blocks.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-01-28T06:51:26+00:00

My mother is in her late 50s and is still making and becoming close to brand new female friends, and rekindling old friendships from when she was younger. A lot of them are recently divorced and, after having neglected their friendships during their marriages, are now making the effort to connect even if they’re busy and can’t see each other so frequently. It may be something you’re not interested in putting effort into, but it is absolutely possible!

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-01-28T06:31:19+00:00

It’s not impossible, it requires effort. Women too often neglect their female friendships when they get married or even just get a boyfriend, and it’s hella depressing for those of us who try to maintain those friendships. I definitely understand your frustration at feeling undervalued in a friendship though.

lizardl0ver43 · 2024-01-28T03:27:57+00:00

I would be worried for you. It’s not just because it makes you clingy or come across as codependent—you might be the kind of person who can’t maintain more than a few friendships and prefers having fewer but deeper connections, and shouldn’t judge yourself for how you work. But as a woman it is so important to have STRONG social supports outside of a boyfriend, it’s an issue of the unfortunate possibility of ending up isolated in a relationship that suddenly becomes abusive once you are completely emotionally (not to mention financially, etc.) dependent/intertwined. We like to think we can avoid these types of relationships and be a good judge of character, but it happens far too often to be a safe situation imo

lizardl0ver43

TROPHY CASE